A
male
age
51-59,
*isterMole
writes:I have had a "friendship" for six months.I know the guy has been hurt and takes weed and he knows I want more - he has slept with me and withholds himself (it feels like he is deliberately blocking his feelings but I am not sure if that is wishful thinking on my part or good instinct).How do I know if it is mixed messages or wishful thinking?There have been a couple of gaps in the "friendship" after him I felt being unkind to me I stopped it (I felt okay about that and unfriended him on facebook and assumed that was it but he called round which completely threw me has left me more confused as I was happy with my decision to call it quits. An outside perspective would be good :o)
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male
reader, MisterMole +, writes (7 August 2013):
MisterMole is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies - I have messaged him asking for no further contact unless he can say how he feels. Obviously I am not hopeful of a reply!
What a shame someone of 45 still needs to get his act together - but hey:
Feel a bit pants today but it will pass and I WILL move on.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 August 2013):
 When someone is confused by interpreting "mixed messages," the general rule of thumb is that the message is negative.
If he's been unkind and is withholding, then I would just stop trying to make him like you. At this point, he either does or he doesn't.
If it's the weed, well, who needs THAT drama?
I'd assume he's not the one for you and stop trying to make it work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): You defined your connection with this guy as "friendship."
It is apparent that is his understanding of the extend of his relationship with you.
Having sex doesn't necessarily redefine that connection as a long-term romantic relationship. Maybe he is still in the process of recovery from a broken relationship; and needs time to get his act together, before getting involved in another.
I'm sorry to say, from your description; you two aren't on the same page about anything.
If he is into marijuana and hasn't treated you well, exactly why are you pushing it? I think you are better off allowing things to remain as they are.
You may be trying too hard to make something of what may just be heading in the wrong direction to begin with.
Back off and find your romance elsewhere.
Pay attention to the red-flags, and save yourself the heart-ache.
He has emotional baggage, the the potential to be abusive, and that's the last thing you need him to drag into a new relationship. Take heed to all the warning-signs.
Don't let desperation get ahead of your common-sense.
Protect your heart.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 August 2013):
 I think what you WANT and what he is willing to give are two very different things.
It's not just that he got hurt in the past, but even with his behavior you still hang around, so therefore (in his mind) you accept that way it is.
Find a guy who isn't so uncertain.
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