A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my partner for 4years we are both23 and have a 2yr old child. recently he never sleeps with me and is constantly watching porn and chatting to women online. i do love him but its making me feel unwanted and whenever i try and talk to him about it he just laughs and says its natural what should i do?
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (9 May 2007):
 i think the best thing to do is talk to your partner, tell him you are un happy with him talking to online women, and tell him you want some tlc -tender loving care- if he says no, or decides he would rather have the computer, give him the choice you or the computer, this should tell you the real him. hope i helped x x x
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 April 2007):
 Hi,
I think your husband is a sex addict. The amount of time that he spends on this is abnormal. He can't even see that he has crossed the line with his addiction by calling live women (I'd kick his sorry butt into next Tuesday). He needs to be in a sex addiction group or seek some kind of councelling. I can't believe that he is happy in this out of control situation and he probably doesn't even realize that he could lose his family over this. Seek Help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): I'm going to keep my own personal opinion about pornography out of this. It's out there, and everyone deals with it in there own way. Some folks hate it and some folks love it. What I do think though, when you have a couple and one partner is upset with the other's use of porn, it obvious that you both have big, glaringly different values and moral compasses, in your lives and relationship.. With a difference like this, there is naturally-conflict, thus making this an unhealthy, unhappy relationship. You've tried to talk to him and he laughed it off. He didn't consider your feelings. He made you feel wrong for having these feelings. That is disrespect. Now about the online chats with women. If he honestly feels that late nite chats with other women and porn is 'natural' and okay then I don't feel he's going to stop. I doubt you will ever gain his respect in this relationship. Sometimes, there are kind of men that refuse to compromise and change, even for their families. Judging from his reaction when you tried to talk to him, this tells me you do not have a mature good, caring man, in your life and I am sorry. He does share your worldview. Chances are if he stopped his interent habits for a little while, he'll slip back into it, time and time again. This is a glimpse into your future. So here you have a guy who is wrong for you, based on your core values and ethics (porn use) and a man who is not a quality type of guy (online flirting with women). What does that all tell you? Do you really need his brand of love, hun? Many of us would say no. If I were you, I'd set a big boundary. The porn goes and the online women go...today-- and then ask him if he wants this relationship to go ahead, ask him to go to couple counseling with you. He needs to learn relationship skills, about givingness, unselfishness, honesty, trust and respect. That's a big order. But if he doesn't want to lose you and his family...hopefully this will be a big wake up call for him! But if you go this route and he doesn't want to mature and be a kind, decent, loving partner, you make sure to follow through and walk away from this. No woman who is raising a 2 year old, should tolerate any person in their life that takes them down to this level of despair. You have some reflection a honest, heartfelt thinking to do. Good luck, dear and keep us posted on how you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Your partner is being very disrespectful to you by chatting on line with women and looking at porn, especially instead of going to bed with you. He also has a big problem, he is addicted to the porn and the on-line chat rooms. It is sad that you are unmarried but have a two year old child together, as it is the child who is going to pay for the consequences of your relationship problems.
I suggest that you demand he see a counselor with you, a PhD level cognitive behavioral psychologist or behavioral psychologist would be the best....do it soon, as this kind of thing can only go one way, down hill. If he does not care to respect your concerns and wishes, then you would be best ending the relationship and moving onto eventually finding someone who is willing to give you his full commitment and loving attention...a child who grows up in a loveless home, is not going to be a happy child, and for your sake, end it, as you deserve better. Hope this helps whatever you decide to do...it is up to you after all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Most men look at porn but they dont stop sleeping with their partners,but if he`s chatting to other women on line then something isnt right also i see that as cheating on you,are you prepared to share your man?because thats whats happening here,you need to seriously talk to him and he has to decide,porn an chatlines or you
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 It's not natural for some guy to continuously chat with other woman online.....maybe look at porn, but if he don't sleep with you anymore, obviously something is going on. Try and explain to him how you feel. You guys have been together long enough to be able to hopefully communicate with eachother. If he don't understand where you're coming from and don't want to change what he's been doing and how he's been making you feel, maybe you are just better off by yourself. If he had any consideration for you, he wouldn't just laugh about it. He would want to hear what you have to say and would like to make you happy. If you are not happy, just remember there are more fish in the sea.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): honey,
It is not natural, he is probably cheating on you already.
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