A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and wanted to keep things just friends. Reluctantly I agreed and we continued being friends, then our conversations started getting more sexual and by the end of April we slept together after a night out. After confronting him about us sleeping together he said he had not changed his feelings about me but still wanted to stay friends because he valued our friendship. A couple more weeks pass and our conversations shift and he becomes more and more distant after we slept together again in May. In June I confronted him about him and he tells me that he's interested in this other girl and wants to see where things go and to do so he can't continue randomly hooking up with me. At this point I told him that I needed space and couldn't continue talking to him if he wanted our friendship to stay just friends as I had already developed feelings for him. We talked less and less and once the girl he was talking to went on vacation for a week back in Juky we slept together again. When I confronted him about how I felt bad not knowing the depth of their relationship he said that at the time he 'still considered himself single therefore had nothing telling him he shouldn't go through with it'. The following week he asked her to be his girlfriend. Now two weeks ago he texted me and basically revealed that his girlfriend isn't the most adventurous in bed and there seems to be a lack of connection in their relationship and he keeps thinking of sleeping with me. This week he told me that he didn't feel the spark he was hoping he would in their relationship and thought of ending things with this girl after a month of officially dating before she got too invested. Well after talking about it she didn't feel the same way and fought for them to stay together in hopes that 'something will develop' and he has a slight feeling of regret every time he thinks of ending things with her. On the other hand we've continuously been sending each other messages of sexual nature and he continues to tell me every day that he wants to sleep with me again and that he's never thought of sleeping with anyone else in any of his past relationships and for that reason he doesn't think he should be in a relationship at all. BTW his girlfriend knows about me and knows we're friends however I do not know whether or not she knows we've slept together at all let alone a week before their relationship started or that part of his reservations in his relationship have to do with me. He has expressed before that he could see us dating because we get along so well and have so much in common but there were too many factors like us working together and him not wanting to risk our friendship for him to not want to date me, but that down the road it could happen and lately he's been much more affectionate and pushy about my presence in his life.So my question is:-Do you think there is a possiblity that a spark could arise in their relationship or does it seem as though it's doomedbasically meaning should I just throw in the towel and let their relationship takes it course or stick around in the background and see what happens.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 August 2017):
 Are you really that deluded or naive, OP?
You think he tells his GF that she isn't as good as other women he has been with?
You don't HAVE a golden snatch. Sorry. It's nothing special. If it was oh so freaking over 9000 best EVER sex he might have considered dumping her and being with you so he doesn't "risk" losing you to a guy who might actually like you for more than sex. Don't you think?
How do you get a girl to be part of cheating? Do you know? Because this is "textbook cheater playbook".
He tells you that you are OH so special. You are either the bestest cook, freakiest sexpartner, the greatest company... you are in fact "better" than the GF... So you (general you) thinks that EVENTUALLY, he will want to be with you because well, you are so freaking special! He said so himself, it must be true! He also paints his GF as boring, not great, yet she BEGGED him to keep trying so out of the goodness of his heart he is staying with her even if she is just not what he wants.
How much of that "spiel" do you think is actual truth? And how much is bullshit to make himself look better in your eyes, after all... you offer free sex with no strings so the least he can do is keep your ego rubbed. words are cheap... and easy. You just open your mouth and say whatever you think the other person wants to hear.
I can tell you this OP, I have seen more posts from girls JUST like you on here (DearCupid) who have been strung along by guys with cheap pretty words. They get so caught up in these guys' bullshit drama and what if fantasies... that they put themselves in a position where they are treating like a "hole in the mattress" somewhere to park the penis every now and then.
It makes you a "low value" kind of girl. Not because you aren't "worth" it - but you are SHOWING this guy how little self-respect you have, how little respect you have for other (women) and how LOW your standard is.
Do you for a minute think if he breaks up with her and starts dating you... that he will NOT be looking for a girl on the side? Who, he will praise for her kinky sex, her golden snatch, her blah blah blah?
Come on... He is a player and you (and the GF) are being played. I feel sorry for her because she didn't CHOOSE to play along, YOU have.
OP, do you really think he is the ONLY guy out there who potentially could be your partner? Are men so scarce in your area? Your life?
Now you may think I'm just a mean old biddy who knows nothing... maybe I am. I'm just saying you words and your actions contradict each other to the point of naivete. You say one thing and do another.
You want to be respected, valued and loved yet you CHOOSE to CHEAT with a guy who doesn't respect you (or his GF) who doesn't value you (for anything but "entertainment) and who certainly doesn't love you.
Please OP? STOP seeing yourself and not being worthy of anything more than some other woman's leftovers. Want more for yourself. Have some standards in how people GET to treat you, in what you want from a partner.
Why choose all this drama for a guy that isn't worth it in the long run?
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (21 August 2017):
-Do you think there is a possiblity that a spark could arise in their relationship or does it seem as though it's doomed
I think this seems doomed for you. You fell in love with this guy, and this guy does not loves you back. He is using you for having wild sex, so as long as you keep allowing that to happen, things will remain the same for the years to come.
Don't you want a healthy relationship, where the love you give is the love you get in return? There are a LOT of good guys out there.
I don't think this guy will ever love you.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 August 2017):
 People treat us the way that we allow them to treat us. Do you think so little of yourself that you are allowing this guy to treat you second rate? Good enough for sex but not to be his girlfriend?
He's a player, a cheater, a liar and has no intention of changing if a woman (such as you) allows him to get away with his behavior.
You know he has a girlfriend and yet you see him anyways. That doesn't make you innocent. How would you feel if he was your boyfriend screwing around on you?
He won't make you his girlfriend. You are his thing on the side, his FWB and that's all. He doesn't respect you and its unlikely that he ever will. Why do you want sloppy seconds?
Think more of yourself. End things, never look back. Find a FREE man that will treat you like a lady in and out of the bedroom. One who respects you, not sneaks around to see you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Leave him. He's a loser and a user. You're being a willing participant in breaking up a relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 You have doubts about what to do, because you start from a wrong premise- that if he should break up with his gf, he'd want to date you.
He would not. He wants FWB with you , that's all.
When he was single he did not want to date you, because " he did not want to be in a relationship ". But then, he meets another girl , and he WANTS to be in a relationship ? ( although, a not monogamous one... ) So, he must have a problem with you, and being officially with you , not with relationships in general.
You are clinging to the vague lines he is throwing at you, that maybe, who knows , one day ...
1 ) Ask yourself : what is he supposed to say to keep you putting out on request , in change of nothing ? No committment, no companionship, no emotional intimacy etc. ? Just occasional , fun rolls in the hay ? He can barely say " You are my fun rolls in the hay girl, - please keep spreading your legs for me, no demands no expectations ".
That possibly would not work that well. Much better dangling under your nose the vague possibility of a relationship maybe some day when all the stars are aligned right.
2 ) but , suppose that he means it ( which I do not believe for a sec ): Suppose that one day, when he'll be ready, he will want you to be his girlfriend.
And, when that would be ? In 6 months ? In a year ? In 3 years ?...
Do you think it's even remotely reasonable to keep your life on hold based on such a vague promise ? The only logical thing to answer would be : Ok, now you are not free / willing to be with me ;so I am going on with my life, dating other men, doing my own thing, and WHEN you are ready, come and check for me, who knows ,I might be single and available then, and in that case we could start a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2017): Always remember -what he does to the other gitl is what he's going to do to you… saying that your hooking up with him while he's in a relationship he might turn around and do it to you if yo guys ever get involved. Sweetie do yourself a favor and love yourself and think with your head. Let him go
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 August 2017):
 If someone is not single, don't go near them romantically or sexually. It's common sense and always wise.
So, I can understand how you ended up in this situation, but you need to quit it. Cut contact with him. Your his sex toy, not his friend or future girlfriend. You couldn't trust him not to cheat on you, if you ended up together, anyway.
It'll be hard, but no contact ever again is the best decision you can make for yourself.
Find a single man who is only interested in you.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (20 August 2017):
 I agree with the sentiment of the other posts.
He doesn't want a relationship from you, he wants sex. He's also definitely, categorically, not your friend.
If there was any chance of a you being together, he would be dating you and he never would have gone near the other girl.
Say it doesn't work out with his girlfriend, do you really want to be sloppy seconds? If you did get together, he would dump you as soon as someone else he perceived to be better came along, which is basically what he's done now.
End your interactions with him, please don't stay around in the background, and find a decent man who cares about you and doesn't play with your feelings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): This guy is giving you the run-around. And you are lapping it all up!
He is doing it because he CAN. Because you ALLOW it.
I will bet you this is not his first gig. He has done it before. And he will keep right on doing it with other vulnerable females who give him the time of day. Way more than he deserves.
He is like a vampire feeding off your blood. They smell women like you a mile away. They know which ones they can manipulate and which ones they will never be able to sell their bull shit stories to in order to get them into the sack. They like weak and vulnerable women who are lonely and feel they don't deserve more, or better in life. They PREY on you. They do it on purpose and with malicious intent for their own gain. It is just a GAME for them. You are just a pawn in their GAME. It is malicious and cruel really. But then we all know the lengths many men will go to for SEX. They can and will destroy a woman in the process. IF she LETS him. He is going to tell you he's sincere, even convince you of it using all he has in his arsenal, but you must keep your walls up, and your guard high because he ain't worth getting through to your inner, personal sanctuary which should be reserved for somebody SPECIAL. Not a piece of shit like him!
Your eyes need to be WIDE OPEN now.
You made a mistake hooking up with this guy. He is bad news. Bad for you. Bad for any woman. You made a mistake having sex with him. Now is the time to BAIL. Yeah, you have some feelings. But trust me, those will fade once you make the conscious choice to acknowledge what he did to you! And to this other girl! He played you both in order to have sex with both of you! He is going to play other women the very same way, as long as he can get away with it! He is on TINDER!!! He is going to pull the same, sorry act on other women on this site! And who knows what other sites or APPS he has at his disposal for the very same purpose?? He is a jerk and a loser and he does not realize it, but he is a pathetic waste of time and space. His game is not even good enough. It is so weak and predictable. The only reason it WORKS at all is that he has found weak, vulnerable women to latch onto. That want to believe his phony lies and intentions. Because these women are the good hearted ones who like to believe in fairy tales. Think they don't know this? He is like a shark who smells blood. Plain and simple. It was a sexual business transaction. He got what he wanted. Yeah, the sex could be decent but so what? Are you good with being used over and over again so that he could have an orgasm when he feels like using you? Then gets up and walks away without giving you a second thought? Cause the moment the sex is over, he is not thinking about you anymore. Don't delude yourself!! He is a CON ARTIST! His actions have spoken volumes. That is what you need to pay attention to. His actions. He has changed his story so many times. His intentions so many times. He keeps stringing you along and running you around in circles. Is this what you think you deserve? He is using you like a toy. Getting thrills and amusement out of you. AND HER. And whoever else he is fucking or attempting to fuck. He does NOT think you are special. You are JUST easy and convenient. And you will say YES to him every time. Imagine the ego boost you are giving him while lowering your own!!! These guys have NO respect for women.
Sorry, but I have to be harsh here. You are dreaming. This is not a good guy. What he is doing is mean and cruel. He will do it again to any female who falls for it.
He does not care about you, or this other girl. He just uses women for fun and games and sexual pleasure. That is all it is. He is immature and not emotionally ready for a commitment. He is just hanging around sites like Tinder where women are easily pickings. Trying to score whoever he can. He scored you.
Do you want to sit around and wait for him to break your heart - even more? Or do you want to save yourself the heart ache and trauma he is inevitably going to cause you by getting out now, while it is easier? Than in a year or two down the road when you are in love with him and have to endure this treatment and his cheating ways regularly? It is SOUL DESTROYING. Do not do this to yourself. If you allow him, you are giving him power over you. Take your power back. You are stronger than you think.
Hey, we all make mistakes. We all like when a guy pays attention and we all enjoy good sex. But at what cost? The cost is too high with this one. He is not the right match for you. You are on two totally different pages. Trust me, when a guy is not invested in you emotionally and you are, there is no worst pain to suffer.
He is a PLAYER.
And that is enough for you to say bye bye. It's been fun but you have better things in mind for yourself.
You are very young. The world is still your oyster. You will have so many opportunities for a good guy to come your way. Start opening this door by shutting the door on this low life. Then enjoy your youth, your freedom, your friends, your hobbies, your career path... enjoy. Life goes by far too quickly and then one day you will be 50 and it will be way more difficult to find the right guy. Unfortunately losers are around at every age. Stop wasting your time with this one. He just wanted SEX. If you stay with him, he will KEEP USING you for SEX while you get more and more attached. He will never commit and never be loyal. Take care of your precious heart, sweetie. If you don't, nobody else will. And definitely not snakes like this guy!!! Tell him to FUCK OFF!!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 August 2017):
 It is always sad to read posts like yours and realize some people really think they are worth so little. He is throwing you crumbs of hope for "the future" (which will never come) so you keep coming back but he has no intention of offering you any more than he has given you already - i.e. just an occasional leg-over and a few messages.
I had to smile that you keep "confronting him" AFTER you have slept with him. If you had any chance of making any sense of what is happening here, you should have had the conversations with him BEFORE sleeping with him. He has absolutely no incentive to have the conversation with you AFTER he has slept with you.
Sweetheart, why do you not think you are worth better? He has a girlfriend. How do you think SHE would feel if she knew what was going on? If you DID get together with him (highly unlikely but nothing is impossible), be honest: could you trust him not to be playing around behind your back as he is doing with his girlfriend at the moment? I don't buy any of his bull about "thinking of ending it" or that you are the only one he has done this with. If his girlfriend finds out about what is going on, you will be dropped quicker than you can blink.
Have some pride in yourself and our worth. The only way to end this well is to call an end to it and mean it. Walk away with your head held high and don't be tempted to have any contact with him again unless he is a free agent and offers you more than an occasional romp. If YOU don't believe you are worth better, then it is not surprising he doesn't either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): Dear OP. I can't tell you how painful this is to read. This guy is an absolute a-hole. He's not interested in a relationship with you, not before, not now, not ever. He wants sex with you, not a relationship. You are easy for him to keep on a hook as and when he wants. This other girl was chosen over you and what you offered in regard to what he wanted to try with a relationship. He's already feed up with it, and he wants whatever he wants. Having sex with you whilst dating her? Then saying he didn't have to tell her as he hadn't officially said will you be my girlfriend? He's the morals and values of an alley cat... and discussing his sex life with her with you? And sending and accepting sexual texts and exchanges? No OP, no no no... this is just awful.
Even if he suddenly had a eureka moment and said let's be together, you could never ever trust him. You must know that. He'll just be on my to his next challenge.
You write words like 'I confronted him' there's nothing to confront. He's made it clear as day the arrangement from his perspective. In doing so he doesn't owe you anything. He's said let's have fun and let's have sex, and don't think for a second it will lead to anything... that's what he's said to you every time. There's no confronting... you seem to think because you've had sex and you are attached emotionally to him that he owes you something. He's a cad... it he doesn't owe you anything as he promised you nothing and told you where he is at.
Please OP, please see this for what it is. You are back up girl who is willing to have fun and sex with him. He doesn't have the feelings you are hoping he has for you... he wouldn't be with another girl if he did. She isn't even that great in his eyes! Look at it this way- he's still saying nope I want nothing more than a laugh and sex needs met with you, and the girl I've chosen isn't even all that.
Please stop, find someone decent who deserve your love, and tell him to go f--- himself. I know this likely sounds dry harsh for you to read, but you really need a reality check
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A
male
reader, N91 + ♥, writes (20 August 2017):
 Come on, have some self respect.
This guy doesn't give a FLYING FUCK about YOU or YOUR FEELINGS.
He doesn't value your friendship, he values the easy, commitment free sex that you give him.
If he wanted to be your friend only then why would he keep asking you for sex when he knows you have feelings for him? Plain and simply you stroke his ego. Do I blame him for what he does? Absolutely not, why would he stop what he's doing when he's got a GF and you're still considering sleeping with him.
He will never date you, haven't you realised that already? Grow a backbone, block this guy and find someone who actually has respect for you and values you as a person.
If he wanted to date you he would. Stop being so naive or you'll be chasing dead ass guys like this for the rest of your life and then have the audacity to complain that you're single in later life.
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