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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex boyfriend and i fell out over his porn use. He claimed he looked at women who look like me to recreate the joy he had from the night before, he was a virgin and claimed it left him buzzing. However he didn't say he often used to it to think about me until alot of moaning, he kept this excuse up way past deleting and not using his collection, he kept it up after I dumped him and he's got over me now and STILL claims he was using porn to remind him of me. Is he just trying to make me feel better?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (13 December 2012):
The porn did not remind him of you. It had nothing to do with you - absolutely nothing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Because there is a rift between us and he keeps saying this same thing to try and make me feel better it would make me feel better if told me the truth which is he didn't use them to think about me. That is all I want. I know he did before we got intimate because he went through and downloaded some of one that looks like me that is definately true. I think he can't admit that he's made a mistake because he is a perfectionist.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 December 2012):
 He is your ex, why worry about what he does with porn or anything else for that matter?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I have never been so obsessed with a person's pornography before. I want to know every detail. I still believe you can work out how attracted someone is to you by their masturbation habits.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): The battle was too difficult. I am just asking if it could of been possible.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 He must not be having you if he is watching porn somewhere the pleasure is not being met but in porn it stimulated and pleasure is met. You broke it off so why stress over it.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 December 2012):
 If you have a problem with porn it's unlikely you'll do better than a guy who agrees to stop watching for you. If he stopped for you (like actually stopped, not just hiding it) then, in my opinion, you should give him another chance. That's just my opinion, you don't have to take it, but it's hard to find guys who don't watch porn. If you don't like porn and manage to find a guy who is willing to stop for you, you shouldn't just throw that away.
Also if you watch porn and can't get off on normal stimulation, you are watching too much porn and have desensitized yourself and no, not all men watch porn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): Yes. He was using it because he felt horny and enjoyed masturbating to porn. Saying he only watched it to remind him of you was a flimsy excuse. Move on and dont worry about it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I refuse to date another porn user that last guy drove me half insane. That was just too upsetting beyond words.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): I just wish it was true because I wanted to feel like I impressed him and that he found me that attractive that he did do that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Why are you trying to figure out what he's thinking? You dumped him. This is all a big waste of time, to decipher his motives. I get the sense that no matter what he said, you've lost trust in him, so why spend so much time analyzing exactly how much you don't trust him?
Guys are wired such that visual stimulation of almost any attractive female (or male, if they are gay), sends all kind of sparks shooting through their brain. They aren't thinking about relationships and bonding, they are just responding to physical beauty. I can't feel resentment for something that just happens. Finding another woman attractive doesn't mean that he doesn't love you.
Now, if someone is using porn and disregarding your feelings about it, then you've got something else to discuss. But in this case, he stopped and you still dumped him. The guy is your ex, you don't trust him and it sounds like you aren't going to change your mind, no matter what a pack of strangers on the internet might tell you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2012):
 well i'm sorry OP but that seems rather unfair.
I mean unless you told him from the first day you were a committed couple "if i find out that you looked at porn I will dump you" then I really think that the fact that he gave it up when you asked says a lot about him.
most men will sneak it and pretend they gave it up...
I'm confused.
he looked at porn
you got upset
he stopped looking at porn because it upsets you and you dumped him anyway for looking at porn?
can you explain to me what I'm missing?
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (11 December 2012):
 Every guy watches porn. Most boyfriends and husbands watch porn. For a guy, its normal. Plenty of girls have fantasies about other guys. But guys just like that extra stimulus. If he was avoiding sex with you, and watching porn, then you have a problem. If hes watching it all the time, then
He has a problem. If not, then I wouLdnt worry, its normal. If he says hes watching it to remind him of you, it could be true, or like you said he might be trying to make you feel better. But I wouldnt worry, especially as youre not together anymore.
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A
male
reader, dave1982 +, writes (11 December 2012):
Well, not everyone has a great sense of imagination. So when it comes down to sex it's not easy for all of us to enjoy things in a pitch black room with our eyes closed and no moaning, etc... Porn gives a visual and often audio aspect to things so a person doesn't need to rely on mostly sensation alone. So, one important thing to understand is that there's different aspects of sex that aren't always present. That's how the porn industry makes money - they capitalize on the missing aspects.The fact is - men and women both feel differently about porn. I personally would never be able to get off from stimulation alone and some women act like it's "their job" to simply lay there while the guy does all the work.. One important thing to remember is - not everyone is a good kisser, has a big wang, is incredibly attractive, etc.. The porn isn't about having sex with "someone else" - it's just about really-high stimulation. Honestly, if you had let him watch porn while you guys had sex both of you would have had a much better time.I'm not trying to say "you are wrong" though, it's just two differing opinions. Yes, there are some gross aspects of porn but some other aspects are the same as ordinary sex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2012): No he did give it up but I dumped him for looking at it anyway.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2012):
when I want to be reminded of sex with my husband I close my eyes and poof there it is... you don't need porn to remind you of something you've done...
I am not sure why you think a man saying he uses porn to remind him of YOU is to make you feel better.
He uses porn
you do not like it
you ended the relationship. He wants to use porn and have you.
He can't have both but he's trying.
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