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He never tells me something is wrong until we start fighting!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *abygirl2929 writes:

Okayy so me and this kid have been going out for about two months. And yesterday for example, we were talking all day and he was acting totally fine. And then that night i asked him how his game went...and he said that they won and so on. After that he got real defense cause i said he hasn't hit a homerun in awhile. And after that he just got real short, like only one or two word answers. And i told him i had a question and he seemed to get mad about that. And i was just told him nevermind, that the question was a bad idea. And he didn't care at all!! And we kept talking but it was just like "yeah" or "okay". so I was just like i am just gonna go to bed before this goes somewhere where it shouldn't. And he knew that it was cause he just said "okay. night". And i think something is wrong with him and he never tells me. He will only tell once we start fighting! is is bad that he isn't texting me? Should i text him? Do i telll him good luck before his game tonight?? What do i do?? Please help me!!!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (15 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntGlad it's going better, but stay alert!

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A female reader, babygirl2929 United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

babygirl2929 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

babygirl2929 agony auntThank you guys for all your help!! i appreciate it!! but i was just saying he hasnt hit a homer he took they wrong way. he usually hit one every game!! and then it just stopped and i guess that was a not to obvious way of asking what was wrong. and chigirl i didnt ask if i should go to bed. i was just saying that i was before it turned into anything it shouldnt of. BUT THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH!!! :) and by the way he is acting better thanks again

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI think you were both a bit in the wrong. Why on Earth did you feel a NEED to point out that he hasn't had a home run in a while? That is like a kick in the pants to a guy who takes him sport serious.

I think his reaction was a bit over the top as well, maybe he is not that well at dealing with critique.

Wish him good luck, support him when he is doing good or bad in his sport, but since you aren't an umpire, referee or even his coach leave the critique to those who should deal it out.

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A female reader, 1989BABY United States +, writes (15 July 2010):

1989BABY agony auntGuys seem so complicated! My fiance is the same way and I was too for the longest time but i took it upon myself to make sure that I took time to talk to him and figure out whats wrong. Guys can be egotistical so im guessing when you brought up the fact he hasnt hit a home run that hit him hard, guys are suppose to be good at sports and whatever else they do. So talk to him.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (15 July 2010):

chigirl agony auntAre you sure you weren't being offensive? The man had a great day and you bring him down by pointing out flaws and things he haven't accomplished in a while (hitting a homerun). I think anyone could be upset by such a comment. But, it could also be that there are deeper underlying issues. Try to be nice and gentle and not end up in a fight or provoke one in any way, and then see if he will open up to you. Saying things like "should I just go to bed before this ends up where it shouldn't" is also provocative, and I fear in his case leads him to shutting down even more. Try to change your battle tactics, the way you talk to him is making him clam up. If you want to get to the bottom of this, don't force things, just let them come naturally and see if he opens up by himself. Until then stay positive.

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A male reader, $izZle India +, writes (15 July 2010):

$izZle agony aunthmm... hello sry i should introduce myself first im 27 :) even though i don't have much experience with this sort of thing .... it does sound like he is getting irritated with questions ....and sounds like he wants to be left alone ...

but i do feel that he is wrong to behave like that with you he should realize that raising his voice with you isn't going to solve his problem ... just be a little careful when you are talking to him ... when you said that he got defensive coz you said that he hasn't hit a home run i feel that his ego got hurt... it is something he needs to work on and nothing we can do about it he needs to learn to stay calm and control his ego...

maybe you should give him some time to sort things out ... that's the best i can think of atm ... peace out :)

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A female reader, karen1989 United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2010):

karen1989 agony auntI think he was just a bit insulted that you said he hadnt hit any homeruns in a while even if you didnt mean it to upset him and were just saying.

Guys take their sports very seriously. I think you might of just hit a nerve thats all. he'll get over it,give it a few days-and apolagize. Good luck :)

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