A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my bf still keeps letters from his exes. It makes me uncomfortable because I throw away things my exes give me. Of course I understand that perhaps some people are more sentimental. Yet the irony in this is that he claims that he doesn't want to remember the past because of all the bad memories of his exes (things ended really badly between them and one of them cheated on him) Yet when I ask why he still keeps them, he says they are memories he want to keep. If the memories were so bad, why keep the letters then? He insists on keeping the letters. And I wouldn't force him to clear them. But I just feel so hurt.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 I'm with Cerberus.
You are making this about you. It's NOT about you. He isn't keeping them to HURT YOU. He might not know exactly WHY he is keeping them, but THEY are HIS to keep or toss.
Him keeping them doesn't mean he cares LESS about you. Like I said, those letters have NOTHING to do with you. It has to do with his past, painful and/or wonderful.
I have a box with old pictures, a few little gifts and other souvenirs from past relationships. I have a BIGGER box with family picture and one with pictures of vacations with friends and some goofy friend, party and work souvenirs. It's part of my past and while I don't go sit and sift through them and think back on the "good ole days" I have shown some of them to my husband and to my kids.
My husband have a few pictures of his ex-wife and him and their kids from when they were small. He has a lot more of the kids throughout the years as they have grown. Some pictures of (his) kids HANG in the house with the rest of the kids (ours), some are in the box.
I don't really see there is a problem in this.
YOU didn't met a blank slate. You met a guy who had a LIFE prior to you. UNLESS he is keeping dirty pictures (those I think are no-no's personally) or want to display them around the house (like having the exes hang on the wall... I really can't see why this bothers you.
Now YOU choose to not keep souvenirs and THAT is fine too, but he is ALLOWED to keep them and NOT destroy them.
A
female
reader, Adeboyefa  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 I don't believe in keeping letters and photos of exes in the house for your current partner to see. It makes them feel threatened as long as the ex is alive. If an ex bought you a dress , you can continue wearing it without telling your new mate that your ex bought it for you. Exes belong to the past!
In this Internet age, it is very easy to keep letters and photos of exes in an email box your current partner doesn't know about. He could have scanned and uploaded those letters as attachments into an email box and destroyed the sheets of paper from your view.
Anyway, I would advise you to stop complaining about the letters and enjoy your relationship while it lasts. He may communicate with an ex via email without you knowing if you force him to destroy the letters.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2014): Why do you feel hurt? This is nothing to do with you and quite frankly your feelings are selfish.
I don't keep mementos of ex's either, part of getting over past relationships for me is getting rid of them but my wife does. Her favourite scarf is one that was given by an ex and she loves it. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. I love that my wife has things to remind her how much she has meant to people in the past because it reminds her of how loveable she is and not just by me. I don't want her to ever forget that I'm not the only man who has ever loved her or can love her, she deserves to know her value in this world. She has lots of pictures and stuff too, but she keeps them all in a box in the attic and never looks at them.
One day when our kids are grown she can use them to show them the woman she was before she became mine.
They mean nothing to him but as memories, you need to get over the fact that he has been with others before and that he was loved. As long as he's not pining for any of them then there's no problem.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (7 September 2014):
When we are alone and have outlived all of those who once loved us it's nice to have handwritten evidence, not only of long-vanished people and the relationships we once had with them but also to remind us of how we used to look when young and strong, and what pleasure our bodies used to be capable of giving with such careless ease.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 September 2014):
 I have letters and momentos from past relationships. At the time they made me happy and so I kept them - only a few.
I do not expect to get back with them nor do I hold a torch, its just something sweet that was said or given and its nice to come across them when I move house or spring clean.
Let him keep them, don't be threatened by his memories
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 I've kept photos and souvenirs from my exes. Not because I still carry a torch for any of them (I don't) but because it was an episode in my life and that person just happened to be in it then. Among other things, I have what used to be my favourite dress when I was four years old, but I certainly don't yearn to be a child again.
OP, I think you're reading far more into this than there is.
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