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female
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*pexsublime
writes: I was raped a couple years ago, and I never pressed charges. I have a boyfriend now who is very supportive. However, the guy who did it still talks to me all the time. And I find myself talking back and wanting to talk to him, but I can't figure out why. I definitly don't have any sentimental feelings for him. I don't know. Does anyone have anything to say that might help explain this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): You have been damaged by this person and he is still exerting power and control over you!!! Be the person you can be.. amazing, and empowered!!!
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (7 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question Willywombat-Thanks so much for all your help, I did look up Stockholms Syndrome and it makes some sense. I have also decided to look into a rape counselor. thank you!
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (7 February 2006):
 Well if you don't want to rpess charges that is your decision, make sure you are not going to regret it. By that I mean, make the decision for YOU and nobody else.
Next find someone you acn confide in who will just listen. You sound like you have a lot of worries rattling round in your head and it might do you good to talk to a non-judgemental person (like a rape/sexual abuse counsellor) so you will come to see you have been a victim in this, not a willing participant. A good counsellor will help you come to terms with what has happened and not cloud the issue by trying to get you to press charges (if you don't want to) or help you if you decide to.
Like the post below said, look up Stockholm Syndrome, it might be helpful to you and help you understand this is not actually that rare a thing and doesn't mean you are odd or different!
But most of all stay safe. Avoid this creep, just cut him out of your life. Don't recieve his calls don't contact him, don't have contact with him. At first there may be a flurry of phone calls and visits whilst he tries to get his head around why you are distancing yourself form him. But if this happens it will be because you have thrown him off balance and he wants you back in a postion were he can see you and know what you are doing. ie, not planning to bring charges against him.
I wish you all the luck in the world.x
(from one survivor to another)
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (7 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question[sorry forgot to add who it was to!]
hey fairy angel-thanks for replying back ^-^
I agree with what you say, that I shouldnt let him get away with it...I just feel it'd be a bit harsh of me to press charges...which isn't right, but I still feel that way.
I do have a very supportive wonderful boyfriend and thankfully I've been telling him this, so he won't get mad or anything.
Thank you for taking the time to help me out, I appreciate it ^-^
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (7 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question
hey-thanks for replying back ^-^
I agree with what you say, that I shouldnt let him get away with it...I just feel it'd be a bit harsh of me to press charges...which isn't right, but I still feel that way.
I do have a very supportive wonderful boyfriend and thankfully I've been telling him this, so he won't get mad or anything.
Thank you for taking the time to help me out, I appreciate it ^-^
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (7 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwillywombat:
hi ... Thanks for replying again. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said I'm not sure it actually is rape, or I just don't want to admit it, and if I provoked it.
I do wish I hadnt started speaking to him again after all this, because now he thinks its ok, what he did. I just feel it's a little late to press charges, and my parents don't really know the situation and I'm having a hard time accepting what happened. Thanks for all your help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): People who've been abused can often become attached to their abusers. Try google-searching something called the Stockholm Syndrome. Then call a rape hotline and ask to talk to someone.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (6 February 2006):
hi again.
Rape does not always have to have taken place in any sort of time span for there to be a successful prosecution. I would seriously think about pressing charges.
I think that you are almost doubting yourself that this actually took place. *Did I do something to provoke this?* *By allowing it to happen am I also complicit in it?* *He is/was a friend, do I want him to go to prison?* You need to look hard and long at your decision to rptect this man. He used you and your obviously gentle nature to get what he wanted. He abused your trust and he physically abused you.
You sound like a relatively strong person, can you imagine if this guy gets his hands on a weaker individual?
can I please say, do not allow tis guy to visit you and do not visit him. Do not have any contact with him or visit him in college. I think he knows what he has done and is playing it down, *we are still friends, so it can't have been that bad/rape*
Stay away from him, and even if you do decide not to press charges keep yourself safe.
I wish you all the luck in the world...xxx
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 Hi Sweetie, my pleasure ...
Ok, I am beginning to understand your circumstances a bit better now, thanx for coming back to me ...
You can in fact report a rape to the authorities up to 10 years after it has taken place, here in South Africa where I live, but I am not sure about the laws in your part of the world with regards to this.I suggest you seek some legal advice on this where you live.
I would definitely not let him get away with this, rape is a very serious crime... even if he was your boyfriend at one stage, it does not mean it is ok...
But you still should not be willing to have contact with him... he is dangerous & he might try to harm you again.
And you have a supportive boyfriend in your life now,
you don't want to go mess things up with him, do you?
I am wondering how he feels about all this & does he even know?
You Take Care of youself, now & Be Safe.
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (5 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfairy angel-He was my boyfriend, and basically he would just take me to random places in his house or in public places and make me have sex with him. Sometimes he would tie me up. But it wasn't really violent, in the sense of him beating me or anything. I have no idea why I am protecting him, other than the fact that it would do no good to report it now, because it has been over a year. Thank you for your reply, and sorry I was so vague.
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (5 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWillywombat-I do see him in social circumstances, like he used to go to my school and he still comes back to visit, and he wants me to come to visit him at collage. Which I am not really comforatble with. He also calls me a lot.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (5 February 2006):
IN what circumstances does this guy see you in order for you to talk to him? Do you see him in a social setting, and does he seek you out?
I can identify with your *need* to talk to this guy, for reasons I would rather not go into here. I think maybe (and this is only my opinion hun, so don't be offended) you are wanting to know "why?" You are almost *testing* yourself being around him. I would need further clarification of this situation in order to advise you. I hope you will reply.x
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female
reader, fairyangel +, writes (5 February 2006):
You dont say in what circumstances you were raped...
Was it date rape, or otherwise?
I mean, were you violently attacked by this rapist & did you know him at the time?
Ok, sure, I realise rape is rape, but there must be some deep psychological reason for you wanting to have anything to do with someone who violated you in this way.
This is very disturbing & he should be in jail!
Why are you protecting him?
There are far too many questions needing clarification from you to be of much help, but I feel you should not be having any contact with him, at the very least!
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