A
male
age
51-59,
*noopy1967
writes:I've been married twice and have four children two from each marrage, I see my children every weekend and share holidays. Seven months ago through the internet I met up with a girl that I had not seen in 23 years. She was in a form of relationship i.e living with a guy but as brother and sister (no sex) I found this out to be true when we had sex as it caused her to bleed.I listened to her story day after day, we also chatted about other things and we developed a chat relationship. Anyway after a couple of weeks I just felt it right that I should meet her, so we met. The description of the feeling for us both are beyond words. It may sound cheesey but it was love. A love that I or she had never experienced before. Anyway She started to live a double life seeing me when ever she could and I in return, although it was easier for me.In previous convos she had stated that for 6 years she has wanted to leave this guy but never had the streangth, but now we shared this strong bond she did and the ball started rolling. An emotional roller coaster began. I had to remain a secret as his and her family are on the net and the application being used: Facebook. She felt that if her family and his saw the relationship, that they would presume that she had go from one guy to the other as they did not know her curcumstance. Throughout this she was on facebook but due to the secrecy I had to be and still do be careful in what I send her. Yet it is ok for her to accept erotic pictoral messages from other guys. Which upsets me and builds on my already paronoid mind. I tried to explain this but she says I am being stupid and that I should keep facebook and the real world apart as it is I who she is with.weeks later he moved out, at it hit her like a bomb shell, I remained supportive although at times I did behave childishly by closing down my facebook account and walking away (not completeley).She now for the past seven weeks been pushing me away and yet saying that she loves me and wants to be with me. She also says She wants to learn how to live independantly again. Yet before this we were shopping together for shared items for the house and she said I could bring stuff over to keep there.I understand she is going through confusion after a form of breakup of a dead but once alive relationship. Where we once sent Love to each other on a daily basis, now it is I who send the love and do not receive it back. It has been replaced with sarcasm, insults and hurtful jokes.I do not know what to do, part of me says leave her shes used you but the other part Loves her (BIG TIME).We got engaged after three months everything was perfect, until he left. I understand that she is in a form of grief and I am trying to support her. She asked for space which I found difficult to give as I am still in the supposedly called honeymoon period. I understand that she is not. But we are having space, for the last three weeks. We have seen each other five times. I have stopped sleeping over (sex has stopped). When we are together all she wants to do is go shopping. Throughout the day we hold hands unless someone she knows appears then she lets go. We kiss on parting not very passionatley from her, so I do not push it. She now describes us as being together but I fall into the categorie of just above special friend. My family have met her and accepted her, I am still a secret. Communication over the last week has become just polite, I feel no form of love expression from her and I hold back my feelings as notto pressure her.
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engaged, facebook, her ex, moved out, period, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): Either she is very mixed up, which would be understandable, or she is lying. You need to get to the bottom of this by talking about it. It might be an idea for you to split up for a period of time, say three months, while she sorts out what she wants. It would be painful, but at the moment you don't know where you are andit is painful anyway.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (30 April 2009):
 She doesn't sound like she is as committed to you as you are to her. I would give her the ultimatum of committing to you or leaving you! This should clear up any confusion that she may have, it will get her to hurry up and realise what she wants, and she will realise that she can't just keep stringing you along! You have to stay strong if she decides that she doesn't want to be with you, don't grovel or ask questions, just accept it and move on. X
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