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female
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anonymous
writes: Okay here's the deal. I'm 18 soon to be 19. my last relationship lasted about 2yrs. and it's been forever since I've had the chance to meet anyone. I just started a new job a few months ago and I have been developing a thing for a co-worker who is 23yrs., but he has a two yr. old girl and he's soon to be leaving the job. I find I haven't the nerve to speak to him because I haven't known him long, but a part of me aches to say"..don't go just yet.!"But Maybe I should just let it go and say nothing after all maybe it would be to much to date a guy with a kid since I'm so inexperienced how would I deal with a kid when I still feel like one?!Do I make a last effort to get noticed or do I sit shyly and depressed watching the only person who gave me a reason to look forward to work go away. I believe this is his last week:(
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Listen true friends forgive and others do not so if this guy is a true friend he will finally come to the point of having your best interests at heart and if you never speak to him again so be it. He is the immature one at the end of the day.
Your father is very right in what he say's, I lost my dad in February this year and he was the one person I always used to go to with my problems and always the person at the end of the phone or in person who was like a wise old owl. They are rare and I miss him so much it hurts.
We find strength in all manner of ways and I have found that being on this site and helping others has infact helped me too. It doesn't take away my grief but at least it lets me escape it while I help others so it makes me feel good.
Believe me when I first met my ex I was like a scared rabbit and never said boo to a goose, I was 20 at the time and so I had never really lived at all. He brought me out of myself and I thank him for that. Life also teaches us so much and I have had to force myself to do things I would rather not do, like cold calling selling which was never me and very scary but I got through it and out the other side.
You are still young and there is so much to see and learn but I think you have a very mature head on your shoulders and although you say you would never have come out and said anything or done it - I think you would have done and you don't give yourself enough credit for what you have already achieved. I guess I see a little of myself in you and if I have helped you in any way then thank you.
I think it is the mum in me and also after losing Dad it has also shown me that we are here for such a short period of time and what is the point of constantly living in fear as life passes us by otherwise and we will only kick ourselves for what could have been.
Now all I need to do is take some of my own advice and find the man of my dreams, one day maybe my prince will come - well in the meantime I will just enjoy living my life.
Take care sweetheart and always remain strong and positive, you can do it. Just believe in yourself, you are young attractive and you are taking life by the horns. Go get him eh!!
Speak to you soon.
BFN
Country Woman (Sharon)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much! I feel terrible though because I hurt my friends feelings , although to be fair I meant nothing of the sort. All signs pointed that he was over it, but I guess not. I have learned a lesson and rather the guys worth it or not I can at least say I tried for something that could have been worth it.
My father once told me that "When we lay on our death beds it will not be the things we've done that haunt us most, but the things we did not do."
I believe he is right.
I could pass up a wonderful person because I'm scared of how things might go wrong instead of thinking how it could go right.
Maybe I will mention I brought a cake in:) I brought it in to work and at the very least I know it tasted good because everyone ate it, not knowing who it was really for.
I'm so glad I have you to guide me through this. I am such a nervous person I would never have summed up the courage without your help!
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 May 2007):
Oh hell and just when things were going really well.
One big lesson learnt here eh!! Never listen to an ex as they normally have an ulterior motive. Hard lesson you have learned in this but one you can take with you through life I think.
All is not lost that is the main thing and your ex was just trying to vindictive and nasty. Shame he could have had your friendship at least if he hadn't been so immature. Who you see whether they have a child or not is none of his business. I really don't understand why you say you can understand where he is coming from he tells you it is more about him if you date someone he works with than about you and it would look like your getting back at him, he needs to get over himself and don't feel anything but contempt for this guy now. He is full of his own importance and he has done his hardest to screw things up for you.
Rise above all of this and do the card thing like you say, your ex is nothing and the fact that you are going to hand the card to this guy face to face shows a lot of maturity and he will be really chuffed that you have gone to all this trouble. Tell him you baked a cake if it goes well and that someone had lead you to believe he was leaving at a different time and it is a real shame he can't taste your cooking. Only do this if you feel happy to.
Best of luck you and stay strong and positive. If this guy is worth fighting for then nothing should stop you.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOMG! I wanted this and I planned it so well, but! As such an idiot I asked the help and advice of an old bf and evidently he wasn't happy with it.
He gave me the wrong time for when the guy would be there so i missed him completely:( He keeps telling me he will drop the cake of for me, but I've decided I will do it personally,but I didn't tell my friend this.
My friend and I used to go out, but he went after an old ex,the girl at work, and now is writing someone he met at a bluegrass get together. So I figured since he talks to me about his girls and such and he left me it would be alright to ask a guys point of view.
But his only answer was,"think of it like this.. if you go after this guy everyone's going to think you're doing it to get back at me as an in your face thing."
So I can tell where he's coming from on this. He keep offering to help but I could tell he was tickled pink that I was completely heart broken after baking a cake and wrapping it up neat and everything of to get a call from him right before I leave for work telling me my guy's already leaving.
I was crushed.
But you know what this motivates me even more. Since my ex is so ready to see me fail I am determined to try as hard as I can to get it right, not to say "in your face , but to say you're not going to stop me! what's good for the goose is good for the gander. He can't go out with other girls (and girls at work as well) and expect me to hold on forever to his memory and never move on.
My ex tells me with any other guy he would be fine.He doesn't like the idea he works with him or the fact he has a kid.
But friday I will walk right up to him and hand him a goodbye card myself,even if I trip all over myself doing it!
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (20 May 2007):
Oh bless her heart a little 2 year old girl.
I bet she is the apple of her daddy's eye as they are so gorgeous at that age.
I very much doubt she will even comprehend what is going on around her at that age, I know my daughter never did. When she reached 5 she was more aware of what was going on as her daddy moved out just before she was 4 and a half and even then she had come to the conclusion that daddy lived elsewhere.
Just tread carefully on the subject as he may close up on it as it could be very sensitive to him and he may wonder why you are being so interested so just day each day as it comes eh!
Good luck with the cake and yes mention his daughter by all means and you could say about a friend's little girl or something or relatives one who is a similar age and you love her to bits and you enjoy spending time with them etc so that he knows you are not adverse to young children.
I have always felt that if you take interest in what a child is doing, i.e. colouring or playing with a toy then you get through to them on their level.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's a very cute little 2yr. old blonde girl.
But as far as I have heard her mother has stopped coming to pick her up. So she stays with daddy and visits her grandma . Very sad, espcecially since that was what my mother did to me.
Maybe I could comfort the little girl on this, although I have a step mother and don't get along with her, so I don't want to become the wicked step mom figure as well! But thanks! tomorrow's the day! I might even talk to him about it!
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (17 May 2007):
Look just relax and don't stress yourself out about it, wow if this guy does not like something with chocolate and strawberries then he is mad.
Talk about a way to a man's heart eh!!! lol
Just because he has a child does not mean that he is not a man with emotional needs and feelings. Having a child does not stop him being normal it just means that he has a responsibility and so long as you ackowledge that and accept it I don't see the problem. You would probably love the child if you got to know it - is it a boy or girl btw?
You are not a child you know you are a young woman and he is not that much older than you, obviously this child lives with it's mother and the fact that he takes probably an active role in being there for his child is good credit to him as a responsible man as it means that he does not run at the first sign of some sort of responsibility.
Sounds like a nice guy to me!!
Take care and wish you well with the baking on Saturday.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you,thank you thank you! I feel really nervous about the number thing,partically if I'm rejected, but since we all work together our numbers are up on a list anyways. ANd yes I was in a panic about the cake thing, haha. It really is matter of making one he'll like, I thought of something with chocolate and strawberries. I'm going to do it Saturday.Thank you for helping me out. I'll post an update if anything happens:)
I'm still a little worried about the kid thing. He probly is looking for a woman not an 18yr. girl since he has a child, but we'll see.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 May 2007):
Well you have come to this decision yourself and you sound as though you are comfortable with it so go with your gut feeling on this.
I get the impression that putting your phone number on a good luck card is too much for you right now and that is fine.
Your method may open up something but there are no guarantees as he has no way of reaching you after he leaves that was all I meant in my previous message.
It has to be your decision at the end of the day and one you feel comfortable with, I guess being someone who is older like myself and as I get older you sometimes have to sell yourself like in interviews or meetings of any kind so you get used to it.
Just don't panic when making your cake OK and give yourself plenty of time to do it rather than a last minute rush.
All the best with it though.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, I think I've decided. I will make a cake and put a piece in a box with his name on it and a card to tell him good luck. That way I'm not exactly being forward but I am saying in my own way I thought about you and I'm gonna miss you and maybe this will open something up? What do you think?
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (15 May 2007):
Have you thought any more of the card idea?
I get the point about the cup cake and showing up at his new job.
Just go with the number in the card and putting in about a drink if he fancies it sometime, but only do it if you feel you can.
You know where he will be working so he is not completely out of your life as such.
At the end of the day the decision has to be yours but at least you sound more positive than you did.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much, and as it happens I know through a friend where he will be working ,but it would be kind of weird a girl showing up and an Hardware/ac& heating shop for just know reason at all. Where as if it were say Wal-mart the excuse of just shopping could apply.
- I though of baking cupcakes,bringing them to work and giving or setting one aside for him,just to sort of say "I did think about you" but I don't know, he's a cook and always surrounded by other workers an maybe he's sick of food by the end of the day anyways:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much, and as it happens I know through a friend where he will be working ,but it would be kind of weird a girl showing up and an Hardware/ac& heating shop for just know reason at all. Where as if it were say Wal-mart the excuse of just shopping could apply.
- I though of baking cupcakes,bringing them to work and giving or setting one aside for him,just to sort of say "I did think about you" but I don't know, he's a cook and always surrounded by other workers an maybe he's sick of food by the end of the day anyways:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much, and as it happens I know through a friend where he will be working ,but it would be kind of weird a girl showing up and an Hardware/ac& heating shop for just know reason at all. Where as if it were say Wal-mart the excuse of just shopping could apply.
- I though of baking cupcakes,bringing them to work and giving or setting one aside for him,just to sort of say "I did think about you" but I don't know, he's a cook and always surrounded by other workers an maybe he's sick of food by the end of the day anyways:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you very much, and as it happens I know through a friend where he will be working ,but it would be kind of weird a girl showing up and an Hardware/ac& heating shop for just know reason at all. Where as if it were say Wal-mart the excuse of just shopping could apply.
- I though of baking cupcakes,bringing them to work and giving or setting one aside for him,just to sort of say "I did think about you" but I don't know, he's a cook and always surrounded by other workers an maybe he's sick of food by the end of the day anyways:(
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (13 May 2007):
OK your honesty about everything is very refreshing for someone your age I must admit and that is not me sounding condesending in any way OK.
OK so this guy is older than you and your last relationship started when you were what 16/17 and lasted 2 years.
Well the way to look at life is that we are here only once and will you forever kick yourself that you didn't at least say something to him before he leaves.
So this guy has a 2 year old girl, don't let that stand in the way of everything. Children are a joy and later on when you want one of your own perhaps - I don't know if you want children you will understand the bond a parent has with their child.
Why don't you buy him a separate card or small gift for when he leaves this is the last chance you are going to get to say something to him as he could walk out of your life forever and he may like you too - who knows. You could always put your mobile number in his card and say if ever you fancy going out for a drink give me a call or text me OK.
It all depends on whether you want to let him go without saying anything or not?
He is leaving so if he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him at least you don't have the embarassment of seeing him every day at work so that is a bonus.
If your job is that awful you don't have to stick at it forever but I would say at least get some time there so you can put it on your CV as someone your age with loads of jobs will not be the kind of person a new employer wants but someone who has held down a job for at least a year or two shows commitment which all employers look for when checking out new CV's so just keep your eyes and ears open, if you hate your job that much and it will be so unbearable once he leaves.
Do you know where he is going to for his next job or where he lives even?
I wish you well and I would say do whatever you feel is right not what everyone else says OK.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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