A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a peculiar situation right now. I am a member of an online community and I have been for a few years. It's basically just a nerdy place for humor/discussion, just a couple hundred members, we post our pictures, no big deal. Well anyway I saw this beautiful girl on there one time, and smoking some weed I decided to post a joking sexual comment on her page. No big deal right. Well, we started talking on the internet via Webcam, just about life and shit. She lives about 1500 miles away. She was like a new friend.. my best friend. it was cool. I didn't expect/want anything out of it more than like a pen pal type deal. Well, it got to the point where we'd talk on the phone... every day.. like for hours. and fall asleep together every night over skype. This was as involved as any relationship i'd ever been in, but we just had never said anything about feelings for each other, or anything sexual, or anything like that. no opening for a physical move was the main factor in this. but also I got a chance to really be myself 100%.- a closet-nerd who likes gangsta rap exclusively for starters - something i'd never reallly done.Well, after about a month she told me she had a crush on me. I obviously had one too that I'd never act on because it's the internet and I would think it would be too improbable for anything more to come about between two people living with their parents over a thousand miles away. But fuck, whatever, I really liked her alot. Our relationship became as sexual as it could be over the internet. We didn't have the money to visit each other and didn't forsee it too soon. But it was okay. After a month of it or so, she told me she loved me. I already loved her at this point but it was good. It was good. At some point she starts talking about kids and marriage and shit and I'm like.. yeah. I'd love to.Well, one night after 2 months of us being an item, I went out and got fucked up on a bender and went to jail, and then I was made to go to rehab for a month by my parents. This meant no computer, no cell phone for a month. She assured me everything would be just like it was then when I got back, and we'd talk on the phones there, and it'd all be cool. Well it turned out I was allowed to keep my cell phone after a week, so I called her like YAY! This is gonna be great. She didn't even wanna talk to me anymore, but wanted me to talk to her. If that makes sense. When she needed me (usually like at 4 AM due to a time difference.. i had to be up at 7 every day) I needed to be there or be bitched at, but if I wanted to talk to her, if she even picked up the phone at all she'd be curt and rude and shit. It was pretty bad, and I broke up with her several times each time ending in her begging me not to, and me remembering why I loved her. Then it would be right back to shitty treatment by her.I get out of rehab and nothing changes. She's being flaky, and that's fine, but she wanted me to be home, online.. but she didn't want to talk to me. if I wanted to go somewhere she asked me if I was cheating, when usually it was just to clear my head. Several times she "MADE" me leave where I was at night to "come home to her" just to get home to be ignored. Again, I repeatedly break up with her and she finds ways to keep me from leaving her the same day.I get pissed at her one night after about a month of this and post her naked pictures and videos on the website we're both from. There was a big stir about it. I was basically like, fuck you. She calls me crying, and I'm a sucker for her crying. I tell her how happy it makes me that she's crying and shit.. I'm a douche. Then she All of a sudden she takes some great concern in our relationship, after the initial anger she had towards me, said she was sorry, and I realized I loved her like ALOT. I threw caution to the wind, stole a few hundred dollars, and took off on a jet plane to go see her less than a week after I posted her naked pictures. We shack up in a hotel room for like a week making up for all the physical contact we hadn't had.. and the question is answered in both of our minds definitively, yes, we are very sexually compatible. She cries when I go. I get back and we're sad, but we're closer than ever. She decides to go be with her other family across the country, so on the way, she stops at my house for a week again. This was a much more telling visit - our first one was pretty well limited to our hotel room, but here we were sight seeing, going out in public as a couple and shit, meeting my family, it was really nice. Really really nice.She leaves, again, she cries. Oh and she cries. It's sad as fuck for me, too. But whatever man, we're real close still. She's with her older sisters so I knew she was gonna be partying and shit (i'm not of the legal drinking age and she is) but that's cool. One night she goes out and doesn't come home. She's with her sister, who has a boyfriend, I think she's in good hands. Of course, she stayed at a "gay dudes place", but her SISTER had sex with his "straight roommate."I tell her I think it's a bullshit story, I refuse to believe her, I keep going.. then I just believe her. I trust her. I love her. A week goes by and..She tells me she's going to visit a mutual friend of ours from the internet whose a few hours away. I start innocently asking questions "how long are you staying?".. like, those type of questions. not hounding her, or anything. She gets all defensive, saying like "you never want me to go anywhere or do anything!" and things like that, and it's not true.. quite the opposite, sometimes i was feeling quite smothered by her. plus, I was the one who had really given up my social life to be with her on a computer.. We fight for a little, make up.. that's it.But I asked her the next day why she was so unhappy. She said she just wanted to live life, blah blah. I Say cool, I support that. We keep talking about it and then kind of decide we just wanna talk later. I feel really unloved. I go get fucked up on pills and blackout drunk and come home, and we start really talking.about her trip, it surfaces that that she's actually staying at another dudes apartment, a dude I know from the internet. a dude that wants to have sex with her. I'm like wow, reallly. I call her a slut, I call her a whore, and everything in between. I call her worthless, I express regret for having wasted the money to go have sex with her just to get STDs.. I mean I really tear into her. Apparently her mom heard me yelling, and I just called her a slut too. I guess it really got nasty, because I woke up covered in dried vomit, or blood, or something. It smelled like neither, I don't know what it was. I call her and she's on the train to see the dude, she basically tells me I was an asshole the night before, and that we'll be in contact, but we're taking a break, and no she doesn't want another guy, she wants me, just not an unstable me, shit like this. I ask her if she's going to come back to me, she says she doesn't know. I can't force it, blah blah. This is all true.. but it made me want to get very drunk. 3 Four Lokos into it I can't resist. I call her up, ask what's up. She's all "Hey, we're watching COPS" and I'm like "OH YOU GONNA SUCK HIS DICK?" or something, I'm not sure, cause she said bye, don't talk to me. I sent her an equally rude text message and that was it for then. The next three days I text her like once or twice a day, and she doesn't answer. Fine. Finally she agrees to talk to me the day she gets back, this Monday. She had a good time, thank you for asking. No, she did not do anything she shouldn'tve. I trusted her because I just fucking missed her. But she said we weren't together, "we just need some time apart" or something. She assured me there was no one else, and that was that.We usually talk at every opportunity we get during the day.. hours. and our communication has been tapering off.. I can't help but to text her telling her I love her and I miss her like 5 times a day. She's stopped responding to them. She called me twice Monday and we talked briefly.She called me on Tuesday for a good 20 minutes, she told me she loved me as a person, and thought I was a good guy, and no more. She said she missed me. We slept together on Skype though, but she left in a hurry in the morning realizing what she'd done.Wednesday, we talked the least of all.. outside of today :| She stopped logging into Skype, which hasn't happened for months. She ignored all my texts and then I finally missed her too much and called her in the morning. That was this morning. We talked like we were acquaintances or something.. i've heard her sound more interested on the phone with random guys who call her about some stupid shit.. It wasn't us. it sucked. So I said "I'm gonna let you go.. I love you" and she mumbled "iiiiiievyto!" (Know what I mean?) and then we both sat there with the line open for an awkward 30 seconds or so.. then I went. And then I texted her like 4 times thruout the day with "I miss yous" and assorted faggotry. I know what a turn off it is to be needy and shit but oh my god I miss her. All of the things at my house are exactly the way they were when she was here, and I'm just kind of a wreck. I'm maintaining fine on the outside but on the inside I feel like shit when I see things we used to do together and I think about her, and the thought of never getting to see her again. Alot of my favorite gangsta rap is off limits for right now because she happens to remind me of some of it, and the list just goes on and on. Everything reminds me of her. Any suggestions, at all, for anyone crazy enough to read all of this?
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a break, best friend, broke up, crush, drunk, has a boyfriend, I love you, long distance, money, nude pictures, roommate, std, text, the internet, unloved Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your outside perspectives. she called me today, I didnt pick up and I called her back a couple hours later and she ain't picked up. I'm happy just to have known her I'm just fine. You guys helped me alot whether you know it or not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe just have many fundamental differences between us. She has no problem with "being friends" at all. Se told me she would always care for me, and she said she'd always love me, and NEVER want to fall out of contact. and thoughts I was the most amazing man she's ever met. man. Yeah, I posted the nudes but that was after 2 months of hell in our relationship that was not going our way. I tried reasoning, and everything under the sun to either fix this problem or break up and spare everyone. She always cried and said she could never live without me and she'd always care about me. Eventually she chalked up the nude posting as play fighting. I mean, me and her get togehter and we are on the same level 99% of the type. we're very similar people but we clash alot. truth is, she's a wonderful person, and she said she'd ALWAYS want to know me and keep in contact, and be a GREAT FrIEND. and honestly sometmes i think I am not even worth her time. I seriously treat her like a princess all the time. I send her random gifts in the mail, I'm always there to listen, and help as much as I can. she says I calm her down and make her feel like everythings okay like no one else ever has. But fact is, i called her this morning to try and talk about the poisioned relationship we've had but I really want to know this girl forever I think. We could be best friends if we werent so incredibly attracted to her and vice versa. She says she would NOT ever stop caring for me a GREAT deal. Fact is, I'm sure we could have been great friends, if the attraction hadn't been there, but I dunno about going by. I truly truly want her to be happy and it' probably won't be with me but honestly, I care about her immensely, as the most amazing/BEAUTIFUL/subservient giirl I've ever known by far.
I just wish she hadn't have said she wanted to marry me after 6 weeeks of dating. I'm finally standing my ground and I'm not gonna talk to her for a week and then I am gonna ask her if we can't have an honest conversation about our relationship, mostly thanking her for showing me that there amazing people out there even if our personal conflicts mean we'll never be together. and I'll tell her I'll never forget her. And Just let her know that if there's someone she ever needs to talk to her I'm here. then I'm going to apologize for the umpteenth time for treating her the way I sometimes have, blaming maturity, then that'll be it.
I'm real fucked up on pills right now because well she was my first true love. And to be quite honest I've never been so sure of myself and that she enjoys my company before, so it's a little bit hard to deal with it sober. I'm not contacting her for at least a week. Not to beg for her back or anything but to tell her the immense amount of respect i have for it and I tell her I hope she finds someone who is a little more compatible with her. Thank her for the great memories and learning experience and just leave it at that. That's if she picks up the phone.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 November 2010):
 BettyB could not be more right. You two are incredibly toxic to each other, and are making each other much more unhappy than otherwise. You should not be becoming worse people because you're together, and it seems to me that is exactly what is happening if you are stealing money to see her, getting insanely fucked up - rehab didn't do any good?? You have a bad addiction problem and being with her is pushing you to cater to that. She is your excuse for all of your seriously unhealthy benders, drinking, pills. Waking up in unknown bodily fluid? Lord only knows... You are ruining yourself and you are butchering this poor girls self esteem. Are you trying to break her down so she has to stay with you?
Putting the nude photos online? That is absolutely terrible and hurtful. Can you imagine the humiliation? Is all of this damaging behavior doing anybody any good? Calling her horrible names, worthless, a slut... that's not trying to work through a problem. And if you loved her properly, you'd never dream of saying those things. You are being cruel.
You are clinging to her because she's what you have. There are different people out there, people who will make you feel relaxed and peaceful around them. If you really love her, see this for what it is and move on. You are hurting each other more than you are loving each other. She, I think is realizing that. You need to also. Stop contacting her. By now it is creepy. Get out there, get involved with something that doesn't involve booze or pills.
Good luck, sweetness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@bettyb: The fact that I posted her nudes is very telling, you're right. But I'm not the type of person that would do that unless I felt seriously hurt. This girl is pretty inconsiderate at times and there's just no changing that. The fact that she made me want to say such hurtful things to her is telling that it just won't work out no matter what probably. I love her to death but she gets me like no one else can, gets me enraged. It's probably best for me to let it go but I'll accept any other answers if anyones interested.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): I don't believe that either of you are mature enough to be in a serious relationship and whatever you felt for each other certainly wasn't love. It sounds more like an obsession built out of lust.
You posted her nude photos? That's despicable! I wouldn't do something like that to my worst enemy. By doing so, you ruined any chance of ever repairing the rift in this relationship as you destroyed trust.
My advice to you is to move on. Start dating others, preferably someone locally. Maybe try a dating site. This relationship is broken and toxic, and was really never good to begin with.
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