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male
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anonymous
writes:Succinctly put: I broke up with my ex a month ago and I'm like to get back in touch with her so that we can remain friends but don't know how to go about it.Some more details:I don't believe that it was possible to remain friends after a break up as there are simply too many emotional triggers when you're in each others' presence. I believe in the no contact rule. I think it's the best and most effective way to move on.Allow me to correct all this by saying that I'm really doubting all this now. I'd like to remain friends with my ex. I'd like her to remain a part of my life. I'd like to get in touch with my ex-girlfriends but I feel that too much time has passed and they won't want to talk to me after all this time. Similarly, I wouldn't want to wait too long to get back in touch with my ex yet I don't want to give her an emotional mess if she's not ready yet.The fact that this question is so incoherent evidences just how lost and confused I am with all this. Can anyone provide any advice on how they got back in touch with an ex? How they remained friends? How they avoided hurting their feelings all over again?Thank you in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. Your advice has been very very helpful. HAving thought about it, I don't think I can be friends with any of my ex girlfriends. Things may change in the future but as they are now, getting back in touch with them is simply not a good idea.Thank you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Staying friends with an ex is never a good idea.
There is too much history, too much emotional baggage, and your relattionship was never purely platonic, even if it started out that way, it has never just been a purely platonic one.
I have tried this, and I just recently came out of a situation with my ex, where we had tried for a year to be "just friends" I am sitting broken hearted all over again,becasue it just doesn't work, some people you can't be friends with, and ex's generally fall into that category.
Obviously for some people it works, and they are quite happy and it is quite easy for them to remain friends.
If you really believe that you can be friends with her, without getting jealous when she has someone new, or when someone flirts with her, or when she has sex with someone else, and if you can go and spend an evening together and not have any urges towards her and view her and see her solely as a friend, then maybe you can be friends. And make sure she can do it too, but chances are one or all of the above is going to happen, and chances are from both of you!!
When you have loved someone, and been physically and emotionally intimate and close with that person and it ends, you can't just pretend none of it ever happened.
You will see in the long run, you can not be friends, you must either be together or not in each other' lives at all.
So ask yourself what you want, and why you want her to stay in your life, and what you will do if you see her with another guy, touching her, kissing her etc.
Good luck though, I hope you can be an exception to the rule!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): i think a month is too soon...and she'll probably think you're regretting the break up...Id wait a little while more and send a email or something like that
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female
reader, Hobbit22  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 You say you want hem back in you rlife, to be friends with them again. Are you lonely right now, or don't have enuff friends in your life. Why did you break up with them. When they ask you why you are calling them, are you going to say cuz you miss them and want them back in yourlife as a friend? really ask yourself you 'motive', and do what you have to do. The answer will be yes or no.
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