A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently separated from my husband of 6 years, and have a 2 year old. Recently I reconnected with a guy that I had a casual relationship with for quite a while before I met my husband (basically a hook up when you are at the bar type of thing). The first time we saw each other we both spoke of how much we thought of each other and how we felt (all positive). He has been single this whole time and said he always thought he had made a huge mistake by not pursuing a real relationship with me at the time. So, for the last week we saw each other a few times and spoke almost daily (me initiating mostly). Out of the blue yesterday he said that he thinks we should just be friends because I want more than he does from this, but also talked about being concerned because I have a son. It sounded like he is really afraid one of us will get hurt. He is pretty happy with his single life and likes to have time to himself, so I do think that I was more "intrusive" than he wanted to be, and I will admit that it was a great distraction for me from the mess of my separation. I am not saying I am in love with him, but I do like him and enjoy spending time with him. I just don't know if I should try to talk to him about it anymore, or let it go. I just think that after all this time it is worth pursuing it a bit more, but wonder if I should wait a while to see if he initiates anything. Any suggestions or advise are welcome. Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. This morning he texted me asking about my day yesterday and we sent a few messages back and forth. We left it that I will call him later this week. We'll see what happens from here. Either way, my son is my priority and I am not planning to rush into anything at all. I realize how much of a distraction it was for me - made me not think about the mess of the separation for a few days anyway.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): I think he already told you as directly as possible in order to not hurt your feelings that he wasn't feeling it, so to speak. I'd leave it alone and maybe concentrate more on getting your life together in this difficult time and focus on your child. He doesn't want to go there with you and if you pursue it, you'll just wind up miserable. It's not fun to be with someone that doesn't really want to be with you even if the sex is good. I would look for a new direction in your life with a different man. When a guy tells you that he thinks you should just be friends, it's kind of like the kiss of death as far as how he feels the chemistry and definitely no relationship potential. It's a dead end.
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