A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody, i have just broken up with my bf of a year. And i am very upset, we were so good together and we were very much in love. You could say it was a whirlwind of a year - we became serious vey quckly and both of us fell deeply in love. I am a realistic logial person so i am aware that sometimes people see what they want to see in relationships but i know that i wasnt fooling myself; we were crazy about each other. Anyway when we started dating he had just come out of a 4 year relationship but he had been out of the relationhip for a long time in his head if you know what i mean so we quicky hooked up. There was never any doubt on either of our sides that we were rushing - we even spoke about it and HE reassured me that when its right its right. All of a sudden he tells me he needs to break up because he can't be in a relationship right now and it's just hit him that he can't do it, its too soon - he loves me and he is confused and hurting but he needs to be alone. I'm in shock, there was no indication of this coming at all. I do believe when he says that he is hurting too and is in love with me but i dont understand why - surely nothing should matter when you're with the right person? Is this a case of bad timing and in this case does anyone have personal experience with this? Please no answers saying that he's involved with someone else or cheating on me - I know for a fact that that's not the case. Please any help, I can't imagine moving on from him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, seriouslysimplegirl  +, writes (1 August 2010):
Hi!
When it doesn't make sense, sometimes it's cuz it just doesn't make sense... I don't think it's about you. I've been going thru the same thing with my estranged bf. My heart goes out to you. Does he have mental health issues? It sounds like he suffers from manic depression (aka bipolar disorder)... so is the situation in my case... It sounds like he was well when you were together, he just isn't well now. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it. Trust me when I say, nothing. It gets worse... much much worse. He needs help, professional help. Whether he finds the courage to get it, that's his journey. Be good to yourself!!!
A
female
reader, trueatheart +, writes (18 March 2010):
 Trust me, you will come to terms with it but it does take time. I felt exactly like you are feeling now when my ex ended it with me. It's a horrible feeling. But those feelings come and go with time. You'll go through a cycle of all kinds of feelings but it won't last forever, honestly. Be kind to yourself at this time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply - its very good advice but i dont agree when you say he said he still loved me to let me down easy. Obviously a relationship isnt what he needs right now but i know that he was being genuine when he told me he loved me. I have been in relationships where the boy has lied and fooled me. This isnt the same. I agree he didnt take time to himself after his breakup(however i am sure that there was no unresolved feelings with his ex, that was 100% over) i do think we did rush into things and its something i will regret forever because now its over. I have never experienced this kind of hurt before - i miss everything about him and cant even sleep because we always slept wrapped up with each other. How can it be over. i dont think ill ever get over this.
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A
female
reader, trueatheart +, writes (17 March 2010):
Hi,Sorry but it sounds as though he's had enough of being in a relationship altogether. He probably didn't give himself enough time to heal after his previous break-up. Sometimes people get straight into another relationship because it makes them feel better for a time. They don't want to feel lonely or unwanted so they quickly hook up with someone else. Yes, this has happened to me too with a guy. It's very upsetting when that person suddenly ends everything. It's like having the rug pulled out from under your feet. But it does happen and you are not alone.Also, he may have said that he still loves you to soften the blow of letting you down. I know you can't imagine moving on from him right now. Of course you can't, you're still in shock. Give it time and don't contact him. After a while you may see all this differently and realise he wasn't the one. I did! It just takes time.
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