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I feel what qualifies me, is the fact that I enjoy helping others. I feel as I am giving advice in DearCupid, I learn more about myself and it is good therapy for me. I have learned to be more cautious and selective when it comes to relationships. Ive made big mistakes by dimissing the white lies and ignoring the red flags early on in a relationship. I kept choosing to follow my heart, but should have chose to trust my intuition, which I have discovered has been right every time.
I am much wiser now, and I'm not jumping into another relationship. I am giving myself time and finding that I am happier on my own. I someday hope to find that one good person that completes my life.
I am single and live in southern California. I work for the state as a secretary. I fish in my spare time, and spend my evenings at the lake having a campfire under the stars with good friends. I work out at the gym regularly, and not only am I becoming physically stronger, I am also mentally and emotionally stronger.
My newest love is ice hockey and am a big Long Beach Ice Dog fan.
I am addicted!
What makes me tick? Seeing people happy, especially when I know it was me who put a smile on their face.
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What are the signs that a guy wants to break up with you?
Q. What are some signs that a guy wants to break up with you? (What if he is scared to?) ...
A. 4 February 2006: When they give you less of their time,start going out with their friends, change their appearance and attitude, acting distant and secretive. You will start noticing changes in the way they act towards you, you will feel less important, and feel ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend and I to get engaged, so how do I let him know that without asking him to marry me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and we have discussed the issue of marriage. I know he wants to marry me, but he wants to wait until I am older but I really want to get engaged now. How can I let him know that I am ready ...
A. 3 February 2006: I am a firm believer in saying what is on your mind. I wouldnt throw hints, because this is something too important to you, and you need a direct answer. If you feel afraid to tell him, then thats a sign that maybe you are having doubts that he ... (read in full...)
Are we friends? Are we something more? I want him to make up his mind!
Q. I need help! I have been seeing the same guy for about 6 months now. We fool around, hang out and have a great time together. But he keeps changing his mind about our relationship. One minute we're just friends, the next minute he is telling ...
A. 3 February 2006: You tell him what you want and need, its that simple. You cant force him to make up his mind about you. He is the taker and you are the giver, and you are allowing this to go on by believing that your needs do not matter.
Realize that you have... (read in full...)
Follow my heart..?
Q. One simple question: Is following your heart REALLY the smartest thing to do ? I mean yeah, it sounds really cute and romantic, but is this truly the wisest decision for yourself? I keep telling myself and my boyfriend, that the reason I'm s...
A. 3 February 2006: Following your intuition and gut instinct is the smartest thing to do. Once you have a good feeling about this person, and no doubts in your mind that they are an honest, caring, respectful and loving individual, then I say follow your heart.
... (read in full...)
How can I help my new guy move on from his past relationships?
Q. I have been seeing someone for almost 7 months now. He seems to be still hung-up on his last relationship and cannot move forward. He says he is interested in me but finds it hard to cope with a relationship and work.I love him to bits but he is ...
A. 3 February 2006: His last relationship may have ended because he could not find a good balance between work and spending time with her. Now he may fear this will repeat itself with you, and he may feel afraid of getting closer to you, for fear of having to go thru ... (read in full...)
I want him back, he doesn't seem to want me... But we still have sex. What's goin' on!?
Q. I have a major dilemma... Me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 4 years, and we have a 15 month old son together....last July i broke up with him because things weren't working out. I moved with my son to a town 1/2 hour away. I was fine ...
A. 3 February 2006: You are feeling confused because he is giving you mixed signals. He has all the power and control, because you are giving it to him by allowing him to behave so poorly and neglect you. He is playing you, keeping you on the side, and who knows who ... (read in full...)
My friend's online dating guy is a cheating rat! How do I tell her this?
Q. Hi all, I really need some advice about this. I joined an online dating site about a month ago. I joined this particular site because a couple of friends of mine have had some successes. One of these friends, met a guy last summer and has been...
A. 3 February 2006: Whether they are seeing each other exclusively or not, your friend has a right to know what he's up to. It is best she finds out now, before she develops stronger feelings for this guy.
I usually advise against this, because it puts you in the m... (read in full...)
I just can't be friends with my ex! I'm in love with him!
Q. Went out with this guy for almost ten years, and then broke up for six because he cheated on me. We became friends for about one year, and he expressed interest in having a serious relationship again. I decided after a year that I wanted to try to ...
A. 30 January 2006: This guy does not sound deserving of your love. You seem to be #2 on his list, so when nobody else is around, he looks you up.
The fact that he has cheated on you tells me how selfish and thoughtless he really is. He sounds insecure in that ... (read in full...)
If we take a break what might happen as a result?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been togather for a year. He has started college and our relationship has become stressful. We fight constantly about stupid stuff. I cant take this anymore. I love him and he loves me. I have a promise ring from him as well. ...
A. 30 January 2006: If you are saying you need a break, then that is just what you need to do. Life is all about chances. Taking a break will test the strength of your love for one another. Dont be so afraid of losing each other, instead have the attitude that you ... (read in full...)
I don't feel the same anymore...what can I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out with each other for nearlly 2 years. I loved him once but i do not feel for him anymore. I would love to spend the rest of my life with him but i just can't figure out what is missing. I have been thinking it ...
A. 30 January 2006: It may be a good idea to take a break. Sometimes just having some time apart makes you realize your true feelings. If you say you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then I think time apart may make appreciate what you have. ... (read in full...)
Just thanking some great Agony aunts for their help..Thank you!!
Q. hi i would just like to thank the people who answered my problem today, star news, pressure free cheerfullcharlie and willywombat it really helped me and i felt a lot better after what you said so thank you for your help x ...
A. 29 January 2006: You're welcome!... (read in full...)
I shouldn't have broken up with her...is there a chance for us now?
Q. I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 3 years towards the end of October last year(complicated reasons). After we broke up she stated that she still thought I was the one. A month or so after we broke up, she admitted that everytime we speak, she ...
A. 28 January 2006: Nothing is ever over, and it sounds like you two still have a lot of love for each other. I feel that life is too precious not to tell people what you are thinking and feeling. They could be gone tomorrow, and you will only live with regret. From ... (read in full...)
My ex and I are best friends, but I'd rather we were back together...
Q. Help me get back with my ex? We were engaged and between everything broke up 4 times. She only wanted friendship then and I am her best friend now. Is friendship the kiss of death? I love her so much but she says she loves me too, but isn't "in ...
A. 28 January 2006: Friendship is always a good thing, you can never have too many friends. If you are still in love with this girl, I know it is hard to just be friends. And from what she says, it sounds like that is all she wants. So that is where you have to make ... (read in full...)
My husband chooses his friends over me. Why?
Q. Hi, I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for one year. I love my husband and he loves me. We have lots of friends and everyone gets along really well. However my husband seems to have four other guy friends, that I can't get along ...
A. 28 January 2006: I believe that having friends outside of a relationship helps it to grow, and for you to appreciate each other more. Your husband's friends, however, seem to be having a negative influence on him, and he is allowing it. There has to be a balance, ... (read in full...)
I don't want to get over our break up; I just want him back!
Q. My boyfriend and I just broke up today because I have been lying for 3 months about what I have done with a couple guys instead of just one. Is there any way I could get him back? He said he did love me but that all changed when I told him about ...
A. 28 January 2006: If this is something you did in the past, and you came clean by telling your boyfriend, then you did the right thing. You no longer have the burden of feeling that you lied to him. If he cant get over it, then that is his problem, and he can now ... (read in full...)
Don't feel emotionally stable enough to have one-night stands... Anything wrong?
Q. hi , i havent had a boyriend for two years it doesnt bother me because im enjoying going out with friends the only problem is i haven't had a sexual partner since then either i just cant have a one night stand my friends all do but i dont feel ...
A. 28 January 2006: As I read your letter, I want you to know what I see. I see a very strong person that is able to wait to have sex with the right person, what a wonderful quality at your age! You may see this as a weakness, but this is actually a strength. You are ... (read in full...)
How do I tell this guy..I want a relationship, not just sex-without him getting mad at me?
Q. Hi.... i met a guy the other night, and we got on really well, there was a lot of chemistry between us and we were very very flirty but nothing happened as i had to leave early. We exchanged numbers and now im thinking he's just going to want sex ...
A. 27 January 2006: Start with the thought that your body belongs to you, and what you decide to do with it, is your own business. If you want a good, loving relationship with a good person, then you are making the right decision by waiting to have sex. If he is a ... (read in full...)
My ex and I started sleeping together again-but now he doesn't want me anymore! Please help-how do I deal with this?
Q. Please someone help me, I started sleeping with my ex just after he finished with his girlfriend at the time. My ex started giving me the wrong impression. i thought he was still really liked me, so i made the first move and now he has told me h...
A. 27 January 2006: I feel for you, and I am sorry that this experience left you confused and most likely you felt used.
The best thing you could do is to talk with him before you slept with him. Dont assume that just because you slept with him, that means you are ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that our last fight extinguished that spark forever!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a lot of fights but mostly 3 bad ones in about 4 months. We broke up for almost a week while he was deciding if we should stay together and a couple days after we got back together. He says he's pretty sure he won't...
A. 26 January 2006: What you did while the two of you were apart is your own personal business. So once you are no longer together, he does not have the right to know about your private life, and he shouldnt.
Having sex does not necessarily consist of the actual a... (read in full...)
I'm afraid that our last fight extinguished that spark forever!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a lot of fights but mostly 3 bad ones in about 4 months. We broke up for almost a week while he was deciding if we should stay together and a couple days after we got back together. He says he's pretty sure he won't...
A. 26 January 2006: If you broke up and agreed to time apart, it should be something you agree on together. He enjoys having this type of control, as he knows you will be submissive, while he decides if you are good enough for him to remain in the relationship. You ... (read in full...)
My current guy is stable and caring, but I have a history with my ex. How do I choose?
Q. I was with a man for almost two years. He was the love of my life but he was also an alcoholic. His friends hated me and most of all his mother hated me. He is also very very close with his mom. Well, we were engaged and though we had our probl...
A. 22 January 2006: You current man is an obvious catch, no explanation really necessary here. If you leave him, you may regret it and realize just how much you loved him. I think I would take the one who is stable and caring, and deal with his minor faults of not ... (read in full...)
I got into my boyfriend's e-mail account and found that he was contacting girls on a personals website just a month after we got together!
Q. i recently got into my boyfriends email account and found his ad on the personals website where it showed he had contacted a few girls to get to know them better about a month after we got together ...i dont know how to approach him on this as he ...
A. 18 January 2006: There is no easy way to handle this. If you tell him, his reaction will be that you had no right to snoop. But the fact remains that you found out, and if you stay with him, he will only get better at hiding it. The trust has been broken, and you ... (read in full...)
Is she a threat to our relationship??
Q. Here's my situation: There was this girl that my boyfriend talks to a lot lately and they both call each other. He always call me almost everyday and make me come over every Saturday night to sleep over. However, two Saturdays ago, he didn't. ...
A. 18 January 2006: If he got defensive, then layed the blame on you by saying you have issues, theres a good chance he is up to no good. That is an automatic reaction when there is guilt involved.
If he is talking about her, I'm sure he is seeing her and she prob... (read in full...)
Was I a rebound for him as he doesn't seem so into me as he was before...
Q. Is he losing interest already? I've been dating a man for about a month. The past couple- he has called or stopped by or both, every day... He even stayed a few nights in a row last week. From the beginning he was talking about 'wanting to settle ...
A. 17 January 2006: If something feels different, then it probably is. Trust your gut instinct here. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and is juggling 2 women in the process. He most likely has you on stand by until she is out of the picture, because he is ... (read in full...)
Sometimes I feel I'm just his booty-call. What if I ask him where we stand?
Q. I was in a relationship with a guy for about 18 months. In all that time we just kept splitting up and getting back together because he never knew what he really wanted. We have always stayed in touch with each other, and have known each other 3 ...
A. 17 January 2006: You have the right to know what he wants from the relationship. You have even more of a right to voice your opinion and tell him what you want and need. You said he is not good at telling you what he is thinking. You are fulfilling his every ... (read in full...)
He was in a serious relationship while he was "hooking up" with me for casual sex. I feel like he has no respect for me... How should I react?
Q. I had dated my ex-boyfriend for about a year and a half. The last four months of our relationship we were both miserable and decided we needed to take a break. We broke off the relationship but still were "hooking up" once a week or so. He ...
A. 16 January 2006: Sounds to me that this guy is the first living heart donor.
There is nothing to gain by telling his girlfriend what he has done to you and to her. This is something she will have to learn on her own, and in time, she will.
I went thru somethi... (read in full...)
Do I deserve a second chance?
Q. i never thought this could happen to me but i cheated on my boyfriend. since the day i met him i loved him so much. i dont even know how it happened but it happened. my first mistake was not listening to my boyfriend after it happened, till now i ...
A. 16 January 2006: First, you need to forgive yourself. You feel bad for what you did, and need to rid yourself of the guilt. You told him, so that is the second step. In time your boyfriend may be able to forgive you, he will never forget. If your relationship does ... (read in full...)
As a married person should you feel guilt for being attracted to others?
Q. What is considered normal as far as being atracted to others while married? Should a person feel guilty about being married and still feeling drawn to somebody else from time to time. Not acting on the feeling, just enjoying it. Is it normal t...
A. 16 January 2006: It's completely normal, in my opinion, to be attracted to other people. Its a boost to the ego to know that someone has an attraction for you. As long as you don't act on it (look but don't touch), and you know who your heart belongs to, I feel ... (read in full...)
He wants us to get back together but is still seeing his other woman! Am I right not to trust him?
Q. My partner of six years split up with me after sleeping with another woman. Soon after, he decided he wants us to get back together. However, I am not convinced of his sincerity. He has not finished with the woman he was seeing. He says he is scared ...
A. 16 January 2006: It sounds like he treats his relationships like he is taking out the morning garbage. He throws his women away like a piece of trash, and then on to the next. He's very insecure and cannot be alone. I think he is more worried about being hurt and ... (read in full...)
Once a cheat always a cheat?
Q. is the saying once a cheat always a cheat true?...
A. 16 January 2006: I believe that some people can learn from their mistakes, and it makes them a better person the next time around. It truly depends on the individual, and if they have a conscience. If you feel guilt and regret, theres a good chance you don't want ... (read in full...)
How can I show him I love him? Any creative ideas?
Q. I'm so in love with my bf! Any creative ideas of how to show him it? I want to do something extra special for him as he is always suprising me with his great way in words to explain how much he loves me. All ideas appriciated, thanks :) ...
A. 16 January 2006: I once had a boyfriend who wrote the words on my back with his finger. It was like a guessing game. He started off writing other sentences, and worked his way up to I love you. That was how he told me the first time. Words and expressions are the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wrote down fantasies and picked out girls that he likes on his "Friend Finder" account. He says the whole thing is just a joke, but it hurts!
Q. Me and my bf have been having probs for a while arguin and that, but i love him and wanted to make it work. Today i had a look on the computer at the sites that have been recently viewed and he has a account with a "friend finder" and had wrote down ...
A. 16 January 2006: Your boyfriend is trying to innocently excuse away what he did by saying it was a joke. He was caught and now he is trying to make light of it, like its no big deal. He knows what he did was wrong, though he will never admit that to you. If he ... (read in full...)
He broke my heart! Now I'm scared of being hurt again...
Q. I was with a guy for 8 months, my longest relationship, and he broke my heart. before him i was let down by 2 other guys that i truly cared for but my recent break was defently the worst. i'm getting over him slowly but its defently happening. my ...
A. 16 January 2006: Trust comes naturally. If you trust someone, there should be no doubts about them and you should feel secure in the relationship.
Love is all about balance and compromise. When you love someone, you get a feeling of completeness. If you feel... (read in full...)
Been married 25 years. Husband is a liar and a porn-guy, but I hate thought of my kids dealing with divorce...
Q. I have been married 25 years and have had enough. I have put up with so much in my marriage, the first year he cheated on me. He says nothing happened but with all I have seen during the years I know he is a wonderful liar. He has a porn problem and ...
A. 16 January 2006: I don't think you should have to deal with him looking at porn if it is unacceptable and hurtful to you. There is nothing wrong with it, but only if it is something you both agree to. But when there are children in the house, he needs to take not ... (read in full...)
Does this mean there is a chance?
Q. i have posted a couple of questions on here with some great advice coming back. so thanks to everyone who has helped. just wanted to ask the females really(but the males are quite welcome) that if you say to your ex that you still love them alot and ...
A. 14 January 2006: I feel that nothing is ever over and that there is always a chance for reconciliation. Its all about timing. And it doesn't seem that it was the right time for the two of you. It sounds like you both ended it on good terms with alot of love still ... (read in full...)
He used the 'sweetie' in a suspicious text message but he lied and claimed it was sent to a guy! Is he cheating?
Q. I looked through my finace's phone b/c I was suspicious of him cheating and found that he had text messages to a person saying they should hang out, and used the word sweetie. I asked who it was later, not mentioning the message, and he said a guy ...
A. 12 January 2006: The little weasel is covering his tracks. If you are suspicious, then chances are good that he is doing something wrong. Here some common reactions you might hear once you confront him: "you're just being paranoid" or, "I'm tired of you not ... (read in full...)
Eleven months of e-mailing and flirting..I finally meet him and all he wants is sex!
Q. I have had a flirtation with a man for the past 11 months we finally met and he just wanted sex. After all our conversation and emails which seemed to say love. I am broken hearted. Any advice?...
A. 12 January 2006: I feel the internet can be very deceptive. A person can be anything to anyone in an attempt to get what they want. Its best to get to know someone face to face, though that can be risky in this situation. My best advice is to meet them casually, ... (read in full...)
His ex gf showed up at the hospital when I took him to emergency...are they still fooling around?
Q. Recently my boyfriend of eight years hurt his back and I took him to the emergency room Well I called his father to meet us there so he could help me get him out of the car. A girl he cheated on me with 5 years ago(and adored by his mother) and has ...
A. 12 January 2006: You have the right to feel sad. He cheated on you with her in the past, and that is something you will never forget. I just hope it is something you have learned in time to forgive. It sounds like you carry a heavy heart. Remember he is with you, ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me back but he's controlling and makes me cry. Should I go back to him?
Q. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend who would take me back in a second, but when I am with him he often talks to me badly, tries to control everything I do and often makes me cry. I know he loves me alot but I do not know if it is worth putting ...
A. 10 January 2006: A good man would not make a woman cry. Period. Nobody is worth your tears. You did not give one good reason why you should go back to him. There is your answer. ... (read in full...)
This boy says he loves me even though he hasn't met me.Should I leave my current bf for this guy?
Q. I am a 16 year old girl with a 20 year old boyfriend. but i have recently met a 16 year old guy that says he knows i am the one and that he loves me even though he has never met me. my boyfriend has cheated on me before and we broke up for about a ...
A. 10 January 2006: I seriously think you should take some time out for yourself. Ask yourself what you want. Have you been able to forgive your boyfriend for cheating? It doesn't sound like you have, if you are thinking of being with some guy whom you have never ... (read in full...)
He could be 'the one' and I can't stop thinking about him but I don't think he's interested anymore
Q. I met this guy a few weeks ago, we exchanged info and talked twice in the past couple of weeks. I have this feeling he is 'the one' and I barely know him. Im pretty sure he doesnt feel the same exact way, but I still think he likes me. The first ...
A. 10 January 2006: If you really like him, you may need to take that chance, even if you discover he doesn't feel the same way. Not knowing is worse than knowing, I think you would agree. Maybe he feels the same way that you do, and will be happy you called. How are ... (read in full...)
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