Should I sacrifice the comfort of our longtime relationship?
Q. I am a 21 year old female, and I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past 5 years. We first dated when we were 16, broke up and got back together a couple of years later. In the time that we were not together neither one of us dated or...
A. 25 August 2005: Its a mistake. Dorp this guy like the bad penny he is. He doesn't deserve you. any guy who would treat you so badly as to consider sex a boring duty, rather than fun he can have with an adult woman is missing a few screws and nuts. Move on and find ... (read in full...)
I know it's harsh, but I don't like the way my partner's son interferes in our lives...
Q. Please Help! I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he has a 9 year old son through a past relationship. When we first met he didn't see him that much but now sees him regularly now and sometime he stays overnight at our house. I feel ter...
A. 25 August 2005: Tell this to your boyfriend. Since enough time has passed for you to get used to his son, and it hasn't happened, its time to cut the relationship. It sounds like your bf is taking advantage of you. He has a housekeeper, and a sometime lover, a ... (read in full...)
I went nuts when my best friend said she fancied my ex!
Q. I'm in desperate need of help! please!? I used to go out with this boy who I immediately fell in love with and then...he dumped me. Then about a year later we started seeing each other for a while and I knew he was with other girls but I want...
A. 25 August 2005: Say nothing. YOu will only make yourself look more foolish. He wants to end it with you, no matter how much you want him. That's the way it goes. Move on. ... (read in full...)
Thought I might be bi-curious, but am I full-on bisexual?
Q. Hi, I have been straight for years, and married, though now I am a divorced mum. I have been in several relationships with men and have always through that I am bi-curious, as I fancy some of my friends in the past, but nothing happened and I never ...
A. 25 August 2005: I doubt you are either lesbian, or bi sexual. You are just looking for tenderness, which was missing from your last heterosexual relationship. If you are attracted to men, you are heterosexual. Everyone can enjoy hugs and kisses and gropes from ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he love me, then goes on to talk about another girl!
Q. hi There is this boy I like, he is my ex and he dumped me for my best friend. I really liked him and I still do, a lot, and I think it might even be love. Since then, I've had a boyfriend who my ex was quite close with. We flirted with each oth...
A. 25 August 2005: NO. Both of you are too young, and have no idea what you are talking about, much less what love is really all about. Spend some time learning and listening, and don't be in a hurry to find a guy. There will be lots of boys and men in your life, and ... (read in full...)
My folks like my 17-year-old boyfriend, but they won't let us date!
Q. I'm a 14 year old girl with a 17 year old bf. I have never met someone quite like him and I really know I love him and hope this relationship will work out. My parents have met him and said they liked him but won't ever let me see him because ...
A. 25 August 2005: Listen to your parents, and do as they advise. You are too young to be dating a boy that old. What is wrong with him that he wants to socialize with a girl your age. 3 years difference will not be a lot to consider when you both are in your late ... (read in full...)
She's really popular and I think I'm ugly...
Q. I have known this gorgous girl for many years and I think the next step is the great idea, but she is really popular at school and I think of myself as ugly. I don't think this is just a crush, I really really like her and I feel she might want the...
A. 23 August 2005: Unless you would make Quasimodo scream in horror at the sight of you, your ugliness is in your brain. Get it out. The most erotic part of any person, man or woman, is his smile. Smile. Lots. Especially when you look in mirrors. You are not at all as ... (read in full...)
My first relationship lasted a week... then I was dumped for her ex!
Q. I am 19 and I have not yet had sex or even had any kind of relationship with someone. I find this depressing and rather odd. Recently I have met somone but she was going out with somone else at the time but after many months of us being friends she ...
A. 23 August 2005: Yes. Keep fishing. You will find someone else, and probably sooner than you think. Get to know women first, so that you have topics of interest in common, before bedding them down. At your age, everyone understands that both men and women have the ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is special and secret, but I want to show some affection in public!
Q. I've been seeing a guy on and off for the past 6 months and like him quite a bit. It was labelled a "no strings sex" thing when we first started seeing each other, but it clearly isn't that now, there are feelings which I know are there as previous ...
A. 23 August 2005: Talk to him about your feelings. Frankly,if the sparks are flying between the two of you, everyone who knows you both are already aware of the deep attachment. Don't let yourself be dragged along in a ' secret " relationship, unhappy and miserable ... (read in full...)
I get nothing but criticism and accusations from my boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. Hi, I am a 19 year old male and I'm in a relationship with a 40yr old male. We have been having problems now for months. He spends more time with everybody else with me. He's nasty to me, he puts me down, he tries to stop me talking to my family and ...
A. 23 August 2005: Find someone else. I know you are hurt, and don't like being alone, but this relationship is over. Dump him, and move on. Let some other guy have to put up with him. ... (read in full...)
My parents don't approve of my boyfriend...
Q. I am going to be 14 in December and my boyfriend is 19. I really like him and I feel he is the one for me. My parents don't approve. How can I be with him without him getting in trouble and get jail time? He says he don't want to go to jail but...
A. 23 August 2005: Wait at least 4 years before having sex with him. The reason your parents don't like him is they can't see any way a normal 19 year old man would have any interest in a 14 year old girl! What is he, a retard? Of course, at your age, girls are ... (read in full...)
Engaged to be married to my high school sweetheart, but still attracted to the guy I cheated with...
Q. I'm 20 engaged to my first love, my high school boyfriend. We have been together 5yrs and it's wonderful. But the past few months I have found myself torn between him and another guy who I have cheated with, and have deep feelings for. I want to be ...
A. 23 August 2005: Don't get married to number one. He isn't it. And you are too young to make the kind of commitment that marriage requires. You will only disappoint yourself, and him, and the harm you cause him will be incaluable. You obviously have some need that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated, and now she's pregnant. How can I deal with this?
Q. I am desperately in love with my boyfriend of 4 months. I thought we would be together forever. But I just found out he cheated about 2 months ago, in a drunken one-night stand with an ex. I never suspected a thing, even though I knew they had ...
A. 20 August 2005: Kick the bum out of your life. Tell him he nows has a responsiblity to be concerned about and for the next 18 years or more( with college). You don't need this guy, no matter what your heart is telling you. You will get over him, and survive. Give ... (read in full...)
The guy I want, wants someone else. And she's not ready for anything "serious"...
Q. I've been talking to this guy for about a month now and we met on MySpace. Anyway he is such a good guy and I really like him and I think he could like me. Only problem is he likes another girl who just got out of a messy relationship and made it ...
A. 20 August 2005: So, ask him out. Get to know him in person, and not on the web. Nothing will happen unless one of you makes the first move. Sounds like that is you. ... (read in full...)
He keeps me awake by masturbating and he won't spend any time with me during the day!
Q. Hi there I was going out with my boyfriend for over a year and due to a lot of problems we split. Six months later we decided to get back together. Sex has been good but on the nights we sleep together and don't have sex my boyfriend mastur...
A. 20 August 2005: Kick him out of your bed, and out of your life. Its lonely to live without a mate, and with children, but you need to find someone who wants you and wants to live with you. and Love you. Then, talk about sex, desires, masturbation, toys, etc. Find ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't trust me! How can I make him believe that I'm not playing up?
Q. I'm in a gay relationship and trust is always a problem. My boyfriend is starting to think falsely that something is going on behind his back. How do I make him trust me?...
A. 20 August 2005: You can't. It if very common for gay men to project their own lifestyles on their lovers. If your lover's eye is always roaming, he thinks you do the same. You can't convince him otherwise. Move on. ... (read in full...)
I'm always the one who initiates sex. My boyfriend just doesn't seem to want it anymore...
Q. Hi. I'm a 25 year old woman who lives with my boyfriend, who is 30. I love him heaps. My problem is to do with our sex life. We enjoy sex but the trouble is I feel like it is always me who initiates affection/sex. My boyfriend wasn't always ...
A. 20 August 2005: Don't tell us. Tell him. And then listen. Something has changed since the good ol' days. ... (read in full...)
Should I wait until next year to see if my boyfriend is serious about going to uni?
Q. I'm a 23 year old female student in my last year of school. I recently started dating someone about a month and a half ago. Shortly after we began dating he lost his job and is now looking for work. He is 26 years old and has graduated high ...
A. 20 August 2005: No. Don't wait. Find someone else. If it is important that the man in your life be as educated as you are, then find that other guy now. ... (read in full...)
Two weeks ago, he RSVP'd to my party, but he never showed...
Q. I have a problem. I've known my new guy friend for about 8 months now and he happens to live 7 hrs away. We used to get along great, called each other all the time and we were intimate once. Well my birthday was just passed and I had a party to...
A. 20 August 2005: He's found someone else, who is closer. Move on with your life. ... (read in full...)
We just don't make love like we used to...
Q. Hello! Me and my boyfriend no longer make love like we used to. He doesn't touch me, kiss me, hug me anymore. He idea of lovemaking now is to just climb on top, it last about 5 sec. What can I do to spark up our sex life? And does he love me any ...
A. 20 August 2005: Its not you that has the problem. Get another boyfriend!
Seriously, why would you tolerate this kind of behavior for an instant? I had a secretary who told me she routinely kicked guys out of bed if they didn't satisfy her, literally. They were alwa... (read in full...)
We just don't make love like we used to...
Q. Hello! Me and my boyfriend no longer make love like we used to. He doesn't touch me, kiss me, hug me anymore. He idea of lovemaking now is to just climb on top, it last about 5 sec. What can I do to spark up our sex life? And does he love me any ...
A. 19 August 2005: Its not you that has the problem. Get another boyfriend!
Seriously, why would you tolerate this kind of behavior for an instant? I had a secretary who told me she routinely kicked guys out of bed if they didn't satisfy her, literally. They were alwa... (read in full...)
My ex wants access to our baby, but I think it's only so he can control me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have recently had a baby and split up. He has been seeing the baby but has not been interested in her really, only interested in arguing with me. He has been emotionally blackmailing me so that he still has control over me. He ...
A. 18 August 2005: Arrange to have a third party deliver and pick up the baby when he visits, so he has no contact with you. With court ordered visitation, the judge will set the days and times for the visits, and you simply have to comply with the court's order, ... (read in full...)
She likes me? She likes me not!
Q. I am 16 years of age and interested in what you think I should do about a certain situation. There is this girl in my school which I really do like. We didn't really know each other (and still don't) but I could tell that at one time she liked me...
A. 18 August 2005: Neither of you are old enough to know what you like or dislike. These are just word games. Please don't take them seriously. Talk to her when she shows an interest, and leave her alone if she makes it obvious that she does not want to be around you. ... (read in full...)
It's not the age difference... it's the fact that he's 36 and isn't ready to settle down yet!
Q. Hey agony aunts! Cut to the chase I guess. I have just started seeing a guy who is 11 years older than me, I am 25. I am worried about the age difference and us wanting different things. I am stupid but worried what is wrong with him and why he h...
A. 18 August 2005: Major test: Is he still living with his parents? Or with roommates? Its hard to contemplate " settling down " until you live on your own. Some guys don't get there until they are 50 or older. Look for someone who does his own cleaning and washing, ... (read in full...)
Do I risk my dream job now, for a future that can't be guaranteed with my partner?
Q. Hi, I have a huge decision and really need some advice. My partner and I have been seeing each other for 7 months. We have a great relationship. We get on so well, love each other, have the same interests, want the same things out of life. Ba...
A. 18 August 2005: Unless you can find a better job near his new home, I would keep your existing job. If he is not head over heels in love with you now, he will never be. Sorry to say that, but I have learned from experiences that the passion is strogest early on in ... (read in full...)
My husband has put his employee above our relationship...
Q. Hi there I have been married for 10yrs and have 3 young children. Two yrs ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Mum came and lived with me at this time and I became Mum's full time carer. Around this time my husband seemed to distance himself...
A. 18 August 2005: Did you consult with your husband before moving mother in with your family? Talk about putting stress in a relationship? Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like to have your husband move his mother into your home, and stop working to take ... (read in full...)
Every girl I meet I end up comparing to my cousin!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am confused about my relationship with my cousin sister. I am 24 and when I was around 18, my cousin came to my house in holidays. She was a bit older than me but we shared a very good understanding. We had fun time together and at ...
A. 13 August 2005: Practice patience. It took a long time for your cousin and you to develope that close relationship. It will take a long time to find that kind of relationship with someone new. Of course you will compare a new girl to your cousin, since you had such ... (read in full...)
I fancy my therapist!
Q. i have been seeing a therapist for over a year now and i have fancied her for most of that time. i know that it is normal to gain some kind of attachment or interest in them due to the intimacy of the relationship. however this love is probably the ...
A. 13 August 2005: Get a referral to another therapist. You can't be gaining anything from her since you have become emotionally involved with her, whether she returns your interest or not. Talk to the new therapist about falling in love with your last therapist. If ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 6 years doesn't seem to care any more. Is it time to move on?
Q. My boyfriend of over 6 years recently decided that he needed to take a break from our relationship to find out who he is. He said he wasn't sure if I was "the one" because I'm the only person he ever dated. He also said he felt as though he was ...
A. 13 August 2005: Yes. ... (read in full...)
Still in love with my ex, but he's married to someone else now!
Q. Hi! I am a middle aged woman who happens to be in love with my former lover (we split up 5 years ago). Here is my love story summarized: To me (I guess also to him), our relationship was fullfiling in many ways, leading us to believe in a promi...
A. 13 August 2005: Since he is now married, he has to make a big decision about whether to end his marriage for you, if anything but aan infrequent affair is going to take place between the two of you. I don't think you would be happy with that, from what you write. ... (read in full...)
I have to make something happen with this girl before she leaves for uni!
Q. About six months ago, I really started liking this girl. I couldn't stop thinking about her. But she was a senior, and I was a junior. I tried talking to her, and tried to make something happen before school ended, but I didn't succeed. Then I ...
A. 13 August 2005: Tell her. It may not change anthing, however. Girls her age are more mature than boys their own age, and are usually more interested in older men. If she is serious about college, she will want to date men who are at least her intellectual equal. ... (read in full...)
Does she like me? Is she shy? Or have I got it wrong?
Q. For nearly 2 months now I have got the impression that a girl that works in a seperate building at my work place likes me. I am a very shy guy, 23 and have never been able to get over this shyness and find it hard to trust my instincts. I have never ...
A. 8 August 2005: The ring on the finger is the best clue that this woman is not going to be interested in you, and her friend is just being cruel, to both of you. The fact that she did not respond to your email says it all. She's not interested. Find someone else to ... (read in full...)
How far can you go before you've lost your virginity?
Q. At what point does one lose her virginity? Is it just by engaging in sexual acts?- but a kiss is considered a sexual act so how far from heavy kisses to heavy petting can you go before you can consider you've had intercourse and are no longer a...
A. 8 August 2005: Kissing doesn't count. Neither does " Lusting in your heart", as former President Jimmie Carter confessed to having done. I don't know where you kids get this misinformation, because there is so much good advice available now through the internet. ... (read in full...)
Why do I say such hurtful things to the man I love?
Q. I have actually found the love of my life, the man that I want to marry. I would die for him,. My problem is that I do have respect for him but not completely. I get angry with him and can be very nasty in arguments and say hurtful things delibera...
A. 8 August 2005: No relationship goes far without 100% trust by both parties for each other. If I were him, You would be seeing my dust! Get to the bottom of your anger, and your lack of respect. Then get counseling for anger management, and to learn how to talk to ... (read in full...)
My cousin kicked and hit me after punching my mother. What can I do?
Q. I have a big problem. My family have three members. One is me. Another is my mother. The other is a cousin that has a bad habit. He is a man but I am a woman. He always disputes with my mother. Last week, when my mother and he violently disputed, he ...
A. 8 August 2005: Who is the adult in this relationship? I assume your mother is at least one of the adults in the household. She should be making the decision about what happens to your cousin. She does not have to support him, or allow him to remain. Talk about ... (read in full...)
What't he best way to get over someone you really loved?
Q. Dear cupid, Me and my boyfriend broke up almost 2 months ago. No matter what I do I can't get over him. I really loved him and now I have no idea what to do. How do I get over someone that I really loved?...
A. 8 August 2005: Don't waste this time. This relationship broke up because two people couldn't or didn't make it work. Take a critical look at what went wrong, and what part each party played. Revisit the issue and jot down notes to yourself. Talk over the ... (read in full...)
When she's drunk, she gets cuddly, but when she's sober she backs away from me...
Q. I am having a very confusing problem with one of my friends and I don't know what to do. Basically we slept together a few months ago and now I am confused. We are both girls and that is fine with us as we have both been with other girls before. ...
A. 4 August 2005: Ask her if she likes you. Straight out. Don't hem and haw, or try to mince words. Then tell her about the mixed signals you are getting from her, and tell her that is why you have not asked her out on a date before. She may be getting mixed signals ... (read in full...)
Even with lube, our sex is dry...
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have been having sex for a year and every time we have sex I get really dry and we have to stop and use lubricant. But a few minutes later I'm dry again and I don't know why. We always have foreplay beforehand....
A. 4 August 2005: See a doctor and have a check up. Are you drinking enough water daily? Sometimes stress brought on by any number of fears- pain, pregnancy, incompetence, etc. can make a woman go dry in the middle of orgasms. Try using a different lube. The Water ... (read in full...)
My friend confided that he wished he'd tried things with me. Now he's got a girlfriend...
Q. I am a 18 year old female and need some advice from someone. My problem is I have this great friendship with this guy. He is my best friend and vice versa with him. Well after a classmate died, we started talking a lot more and he started telling ...
A. 4 August 2005: First, tell him to be honest with his girlfriend. It he is no longer attracted to her, then end that relationship. Then, ask him if he is serious about having a relationship with you. If he honestly intends this to go beyond flirting with you, he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's relationship with her female friend has me jealous and tense...
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for seven and a half years. I love her so much it hurts. Recently she has lost a lot of weight and has become much more confident. I am really proud of her and of what she has achieved. Since she has lost the...
A. 4 August 2005: What are you insecure about? Jealousy is merely an expression of self doubt. Its your problem, not hers. If you can't control your own emotions, you will destroy this relationship. Seek professional help from mental health professionals. Do it now. ... (read in full...)
I get jealous when I hear that my cousin fancies other lads...
Q. I have realy strong feelings about my female cousin although I would never act on them as she does not feel the same way. The trouble is that she fancies other lads and I get really jealous. Any advice on what I should do?...
A. 4 August 2005: They say America and Britain are divided by a common language, and this is one case where I just don't understand what is going on with British culture. No one should be having those kinds of feelings for a cousin, at least in the States. Somewhere ... (read in full...)
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