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... Send *ixiegirls a private message | | | *ixiegirls's profile:As a sounding board for many friends, I am often asked advice regarding various situations. Any and all advice I may give not only comes from research, but from personal experience. Having studied psychology for many years, as well as dating and relationship avenues, I try to give honest and relevant information to those seeking answers that I may have researched myself.
I am fascinated by the psychological aspects of how we interact with people, within relationships, and within society. I’ve found that understanding people and how they are explains so much of our lives. Encouraging people to believe in themselves and see their own strengths is something I truly believe in.
Now divorced, and still trying to find my own way, I feel sharing experiences with others to give support can be helpful for others trying to get through the bumps of life.
**Note for PM messages: If you are sending me a PM related to a reply I have posted to your question, please put the title of the original question title at the top of your PM. This way I can more easily recognize you and the content of your original question. Thanks!!
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I hate it when my girlfriend drinks!
Q. Ive got a little problem and Im not sure what to do. In a nutshell, the problem is I hate it when my girlfriend drinks. A little background: We are both in our late 30’s and in a nearly two year, long distance relationship, both of us have been mar...
A. 16 January 2011: Aside from knowing if she's always had a problem with alcohol, the changes you are noticing may be a result of of her feeling unhappiness or depression. Has she lost friends recently that she would talk to and hang out with? You will get nowhere... (read in full...)
My Best Friend Doesn't Trust Me?
Q. Hi, I've known this friend from school for 2 years now, and we share everything, at least I do. The only things she won't talk to me about is her family problems. She's told me that she hates bottling her problems but isn't sure if she should t...
A. 13 January 2011: Most likely it's not that your friend doesn't trust you, but whatever issues are going on in her family are too embarassing for her to tell you at the moment. Especially at the age you both are, what others (especially friends from school) think ... (read in full...)
I cut him out off my life because he wasn't worth it, but do you guys think he would ever think why I am not chasing him anymore?
Q. I just recently cut off ties I was very in to b/c it was time I moved on. He was great to be around but played with my emotions. The whole thing lost it's thrill for me. I realized I was chasing someone who made himself available to me only to take ...
A. 13 January 2011: He may be "wondering" why he hasn't had you chasing him or contacting him, but you did the right thing. If he's just into playing emotional games, he isn't really that concerned about your feelings that much. He may even be somewhat shocked that ... (read in full...)
How could I be so smart in every other department in life but be so brain-dead over this dead-beat boyfriend??
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I'm not sure if I'm in love with him, but I must be... He's been unemployed for 2 years and gained 70 pounds in 2 years. (The year he was actually good-looking, talented, and employed, he was constantly ...
A. 13 January 2011: Have you always dated guys like your current boyfriend? Love could be part of the reason you are still sticking around, but many times when we just keep picking the "wrong" guy, it's out of habit. We get used to how they treat us, used to all ... (read in full...)
How long will a woman chase a man by phone only?
Q. How long will a woman chase a man if the chasing can only be done by phone? How can I shorten the chase and how can I drag it out if needed? Please at least let me know if you are male or female....
A. 13 January 2011: Not long. To chase is a game, and most people don't want to play games when it comes to relationships. The "chase" will become very short...and very soon. Eventually, most women, and men, will just not waste their time in replying. If you ar... (read in full...)
Should I break the silence?
Q. Hi I was upset with my bf since he cancelled our date to go out with his friends, hence i didnt call him for the past 2 days. I didnt call him/text him. He didnt call me either. He was the one who ignored me to be with his friends, he didnt ap...
A. 27 December 2010: At this point, there is nothing wrong with calling your boyfriend to see how you both are feeling towards what happened. One of the things that is important in a relationship is being able to communicate when you feel hurt or feel there is ... (read in full...)
Am I dealing with a sociopath?
Q. First, to anyone who may read this I hope your holidays are going great...also want to thank everyone who answered my question last week regarding the same person...it was very very helpful. My question now is am I dealing with a true sociopath...
A. 27 December 2010: Those who show symptoms or have been diagnosed as psychopaths, sociopaths, or narcissists, are able to make the very better of first impressions. They have the ability to fool many, including professionals, and are excellent in acting in any ... (read in full...)
I have not been interested in sex in about 10 years
Q. I have not been interested in sex in about 10 years; I am 44 and have been married 15 years. It started when our kids were young. I have tried hormones (pill and even testosterone) and I am simply not interested. Anyone else in my age group have ...
A. 23 December 2010: With having lost interest in sex since you were roughly 34, might have a medical issue behind the lack of interest. At that age, menopause issues most likely are not likely. Losing interest in sex can result from medical or psychological ... (read in full...)
Anonymous texts from my b/f?
Q. hi, i hav a question n im really confused here i hav a boyfriend im 30 yrs old hes 42 yrs old, we' ve been seeing each other for 7 yrs but six months ago he told me he was leaving out of state for work....so ok he left everything is good till i ...
A. 23 December 2010: If the texts really were from your boyfriend, it would appear that he has some insecurity issues since he moved out of state. He may feel that with his move, and being away from you, that you might become bored and look elsewhere for companionship. ... (read in full...)
Can any of you ladies expain to me where I'm going wrong with women??
Q. Hi there Can any of you ladies expain to me where I'm going wrong with women. I'm 32 and find it hard to meet girls, and when I do, I keep failing. Most of my friends are settling down now so my only choice seems to be online dating. I'm geti...
A. 23 December 2010: Try not limiting yourself to only online dating sites. Unfortunately, one of the drawbacks for online dating is it does allow for inaccurate or fraudulent profile information, including misrepresented profile pictures. For some, they feel that the ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for him to call?
Q. Just wondering what men think..... I met a guy for dinner that I met online... we hit is off great. Had a great time. Met for a second date... it was hot. Did some making out... I did not do it with him. Told him I dont do one night stands. He...
A. 23 December 2010: There is nothing wrong with sending an occasional text. Just be aware that you may or may not receive a response or be sure that he might extend another invitation out. As long as you know up front what he is willing to give, and not to give, and ... (read in full...)
How do I stay safe from my psycho ex?
Q. This guy, Boar is creeping me out, sickening me. We met a few months ago and at first, I overlooked the fact that he was unattractive to try and see if we connected mentally. He was nice but I found his humor disgusting, he was ignorant and made ...
A. 23 December 2010: The first thing you need to do is stop talking to him or having any contact with him. Block him on fb. Block his phone from calling you. But most importantly, do not be available to respond to him. If he happens to come to your town, to your ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for him to call?
Q. Just wondering what men think..... I met a guy for dinner that I met online... we hit is off great. Had a great time. Met for a second date... it was hot. Did some making out... I did not do it with him. Told him I dont do one night stands. He...
A. 23 December 2010: How much communication have you had since the second date? Did you leave off from the second date discussing getting together again, or in any communication you have had since the second date? Regardless of the age, there are some men, some p... (read in full...)
Should I send him my picture?
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I recently made contact with a guy that i have liked for a while, and he has said that he wants me to send a picture of myself to him. He hasn't said whether he means a rude one or a regular picture, so i'm assuming he means ...
A. 19 December 2010: It isn't unusual at all for someone to ask for picture of you when you have been communicating. It gives one a better idea of you being able to match a picture with a voice. I am speaking of a normal photo though.....for a guy to ask for a more ... (read in full...)
Why do men get defensive when asked to wear condoms?
Q. hi dear aunts and uncles. why men don't like wearing condoms and get defensive when you ask for it? they always throw the 'you don't trust me' line. that doesn't work with me be cause i believe that no glove no love is the best thing to do. but ...
A. 9 December 2010: The most often given answer from a guy about not wanting to wear a condom is because of the loss in sensation they feel when they are wearing one. The defensive mode is usually just a game/method to figure out which excuse will work for them at the ... (read in full...)
Do online dating sites really work?
Q. Hey guys my question is: Does relationship sites works? I am a girl and I decided to try find someone in a relationship site. After applying a lot of guys have showed up,I was talking with a guy and I liked him,after one week he asked me to hang out...
A. 9 December 2010: No, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is a “red flag” moment. The online dating scene may seem to be a better way, or easier way of trying to get out there to date, but you need to understand that with it comes its own set of “red flags” or ... (read in full...)
Dating is like riding a bicycle, right?
Q. I posted questions before about being cheated on for almost 3 yrs and not knowing what to do about fiance, moving on and our businesses together. Well, I am trying to move on! Here's my new question: I met a new guy, who seems great, treats me with ...
A. 8 December 2010: You are off to a good start then. If you have enjoyed the times you have spent with him, just let the rest develop naturallly. ... (read in full...)
Dating is like riding a bicycle, right?
Q. I posted questions before about being cheated on for almost 3 yrs and not knowing what to do about fiance, moving on and our businesses together. Well, I am trying to move on! Here's my new question: I met a new guy, who seems great, treats me with ...
A. 8 December 2010: Something seems to be holding you back. To go into a relationship where you already say you aren’t attracted is just asking for a disaster. Instead of being anxious about beginning any new relationship, why not try just dating casually to get your ... (read in full...)
Do I begin giving him an ultimatum when I know that might backfire on me?
Q. I've had a boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He's a great guy, and I'm in love with him, and can see our future life together as being a beautiful thing. He's had a tough life though. His dad died when he was 16, and his grandfather only a few ...
A. 3 December 2010: Trying to decide whether you should give him more time, yet knowing the end result will be the same is a very difficult, but honest thing to say out loud. There just isn’t a set answer to give you. Trying to come to a definite action will be very ... (read in full...)
Do I begin giving him an ultimatum when I know that might backfire on me?
Q. I've had a boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He's a great guy, and I'm in love with him, and can see our future life together as being a beautiful thing. He's had a tough life though. His dad died when he was 16, and his grandfather only a few ...
A. 3 December 2010: I mention learning disabilities or difficulties he may have had in junior or senior high school since LD’s are fairly common in people who have a chronic type of depression, or other disorder that can create a hiccup in their learning process. ... (read in full...)
Guy dumped me two times!
Q. I met this guy at the not best place in his life (recent ex-con). I didn't judge him for what he had been through, and thought he was just a normal guy, and the kind of rugged and traditional guy I could see myself with. He was older and seemed so ...
A. 3 December 2010: You just gave yourself some really great advice. We all end up creating a mess with relationships when we never bother to attempt to educate ourselves or know how to be aware of our behavior and body language before it's too late. I do believe w... (read in full...)
Do I begin giving him an ultimatum when I know that might backfire on me?
Q. I've had a boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He's a great guy, and I'm in love with him, and can see our future life together as being a beautiful thing. He's had a tough life though. His dad died when he was 16, and his grandfather only a few ...
A. 3 December 2010: There ya go! The OCD, depression, and whatever else is probably going on not only explains most of his habits, behavior, and other areas he may be lacking in, but also explains his emotional state. The driving issue can sometimes be related to ... (read in full...)
Guy dumped me two times!
Q. I met this guy at the not best place in his life (recent ex-con). I didn't judge him for what he had been through, and thought he was just a normal guy, and the kind of rugged and traditional guy I could see myself with. He was older and seemed so ...
A. 2 December 2010: Can be hard to gauge whether someone is just indifferent to others feelings, or they don’t have the skills to know the difference. If he was in prison for a fairly long time, there will be more issues he has to now deal with in the everyday world ... (read in full...)
Do I begin giving him an ultimatum when I know that might backfire on me?
Q. I've had a boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He's a great guy, and I'm in love with him, and can see our future life together as being a beautiful thing. He's had a tough life though. His dad died when he was 16, and his grandfather only a few ...
A. 2 December 2010: Your post shows that you undoubtedly have a great sense of love and concern for your boyfriend, and extremely supportive. I do think though, that you may not perceive what the real reasons behind the issues may be. Most of the time we don’t want ... (read in full...)
I'm on the fence about being friends with my ex.
Q. Hi. I'm 27 and my gf broke up with me about one month ago. We had a great time for a while and she told me things like she wasn't going anywhere and I was amazing while we were together. We were in a ldr for about six months. I had my problems, ...
A. 2 December 2010: One of the most common fallouts from a break up are wanting to get back together, or changing/promise to change some behaviors that someone might have complained about. It is still only a short time since your ex-girlfriend decided to break things ... (read in full...)
Is a secret admirer letter creepy?
Q. I have had a crush on a girl I worked with for a year, but due to circumstances, I was unable to ask her on a date. I have thought about writing a letter flat out, but I think the mystery would be fun; although, I am a little worried that the ...
A. 2 December 2010: It may not be in your best interest to send a girl a letter (I assume you are asking her out) that appears anonymous. She may immediately see it as a stalking situation and not see the mystery letter as amusing. These days, people may feel more ... (read in full...)
He talks about his ex too much, but I don't want him to think he can't talk to me!
Q. I've been dating this guy for about 7 months, and we're perfect for each other. I've been in a few long term relationships and I realize now that this kind of guy is what I want. He is majorly considerate and affectionate and happy and successful ...
A. 2 December 2010: Unfortunately, he sounds like he tends to steer towards the emotionally abusive women and relationships. If he has a history of abuse, either physical or emotional, when he was younger, he may have always been attracted to this dysfunctional type ... (read in full...)
Guy dumped me two times!
Q. I met this guy at the not best place in his life (recent ex-con). I didn't judge him for what he had been through, and thought he was just a normal guy, and the kind of rugged and traditional guy I could see myself with. He was older and seemed so ...
A. 2 December 2010: There are a number of issues that could be triggers to set this guy off. The incarceration alone changes people, but there are probably other things behind that. Do you know how long he was in prison for, and do you know what the charges were? It ... (read in full...)
Concrete, specific, short-term advice for coping with a breakup
Q. It was a wonderful fairytale relationship. She was perfect and we were perfect together. Before our fifth anniversary, she met another guy, and one week later, she dumped me. I know it sounds a lot like many other stories around here, and I've r...
A. 1 December 2010: Unfortunately there is no magic cure for a broken heart. It takes as much time as it needs to heal. However, there are things you can do to help move things along and where you can feel better about yourself.
As hard as it might be, do not try ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated with my mom
Q. my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me with my mom we have 3 children together and i love him but can we get pass this can i forgive him and my mother? i do think it was an accendent and it never meant to happend but they hid it from me for 2 and a ...
A. 1 December 2010: Betrayal from your husband and mother will most likely cause irreparable damage to your relationships. The mother-daughter bond can be shaky enough sometimes without having the additional hurt of your mother sleeping with your husband. You may ... (read in full...)
Should I invite my enemy to lunch?
Q. Hi there is this woman at work who invent s things against me and what not. accused me of screwing her husband and always spreads bad rumors about me though everyone I talk to does not like her. I wondered if I should simply invite her out to see ...
A. 1 December 2010: There are some instances where it is better to go to your supervisor first about the rumors, if they have not already become aware. If she has a tendency for outbursts, I would not recommend taking her out to lunch to discuss it. What is her ... (read in full...)
Is this going anywhere?
Q. Ok this guy and I have known each other since we were little but not always been in contact. Anyway we have been out twice it all went really well and we were getting closer. However I think I might have mucked it up last time we went out coz I ...
A. 1 December 2010: It is quite possible that he has lost interest or may feel that you are no longer interested. When a second date is discussed, people usually try to plan it within two weeks and will normally stay in contact in the same level as you had been ... (read in full...)
Should I up my game and just say what's on my mind or just be patient?
Q. ok so I know that as a girl, we should be chased. I have made no moves with this really shy guy, except instant messaging once in a while to him. He has called me twice (its wk 2 since we met in another country...so its long distance) he initiated ...
A. 30 November 2010: You need to realize that “rules” you may have always been told to follow, or have heard, are never absolute rules. Just as everyone has a unique personality, the “games” or ploys you use, may not be affective. Never just assume that playing hard ... (read in full...)
Thinking of leaving my family for another woman.
Q. Should I do it? Here's the background: I'm a married man, 40 years old, with 2 kids. Had an affair with a 52 year old woman. Fell in love. We broke it off because the wife was getting suspicious and the other woman was very concerned about ...
A. 30 November 2010: Recognize to start with that an affair always seems so much easier, exciting, and full of promise. The responsibilities of day to day life are never really much of an issue, so you do focus on the “relationship” aspect, and start to think that is ... (read in full...)
He's saying he needs time to get his mind straight... what do I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship for about 8 months i met him thru an online dating site.... we had an immediate connection, things were really really great.... now hes saying he needs time 2 get his mind straight... but im not sure if its about our ...
A. 30 November 2010: Have you met face-to-face yet? Things can seem great, if not perfect sometimes with people we might meet through an online dating site. It can be very easy to talk to someone through emails and texts, because we haven’t fully put ourselves out ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when I've traveled 1,200 miles just to get rejected?
Q. Well I met this girl on facebook and we started chatting casually. We were truely interested in each other. We talked and texted on the phone with alot of pictures for a couple months and so I decided to make the trip over this thanksgiving holiday ...
A. 30 November 2010: She may have picked up on your own anxiety and fears and realized that there may be some qualities she has that could ruin the relationship, as well as think you have changed your mind about her. Appreciate the fact that she was open enough to ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when I've traveled 1,200 miles just to get rejected?
Q. Well I met this girl on facebook and we started chatting casually. We were truely interested in each other. We talked and texted on the phone with alot of pictures for a couple months and so I decided to make the trip over this thanksgiving holiday ...
A. 30 November 2010: When we make contact with people via Facebook, dating sites or someone from the internet, there is a comfort level with being able to open ourselves up when we are not face to face. The emails, texts, phone calls, and photos really only give us a ... (read in full...)
Why do men start these outside relationships and think that it's okay?
Q. My husband of 16+ years is a very loving man not only to me but to his girlfriend as well. I found out 2 years ago that he had been seeing her. Evidently he's been telling her that he is single and raising his 2 daughters alone. He's been flying ...
A. 28 November 2010: Wow. Aside from saying how sorry I am, I am glad that at least you know what is going on.
Why do they stray? A mystery to all, even the men. Some out of boredom some see someone else as just more exciting than they already have, some to feel ... (read in full...)
Was she too loose from the booze?
Q. I'm recently divorced. I was at a party in which a former woman friend of my x wife and I was there. This woman became drunk. I drove her home and helped her to the front door of her house. She started kissing and groping me. I told her she was too ...
A. 28 November 2010: You state that the woman is a “former” friend of your ex-wife. Was there a falling out between the two? Could she be trying to be spiteful towards your ex-wife by hitting on you?
Coming on to you when she’s intoxicated to the point of needing ... (read in full...)
Am I or we (me and my ex) still in love?
Q. I never dated after my divorce until 2 years later I met this woman who was out of her divorce for a bout a year. We clicked instantaneously. The chemistry between us was unlike anything either of us had encountered in the past. The main ...
A. 28 November 2010: It sounds like when the communication stopped, whether you officially broke up or not…you broke up. With two people not truly agreeing upon what they want in a future, can be an obstacle that is not easily accepted. You both went your own way and ... (read in full...)
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