Like what
he writes?
... Add *dds to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *dds a private message | | | *dds's profile:“Because awkwardness, at its core, is all about believing that everyone else knows exactly how to navigate a social situation, and you're the only one who hasn't figured it out yet.” – Daniel O’Brien
If you wish to PM me, and are referencing a particular question, please link to that question (just copying the url is enough). |
|
| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
|
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 20 July 2011: @ Cerberus
"...we can only change ourselves and one of the worst mistakes people make is not realizing that. "
Fair point. That's what I get for speaking out of conjecture and hope.
"For a guy one of the best ways to do that is working ou... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 18 July 2011: @ Cerberus
I was using the "treat a girl as special and wonderful" bit as an example of how boys are raised. We're in full agreement on that being the wrong way to have a successful love life.
What I really think it boils down to is that when ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want to do anything with our son
Q. I am back, with a little more problems and I got to the point that I do not know what to do (again!!!!). Now my bully husband does not talk to our son, does not want to do anything with him. We were back to our couple's therapy and left with th...
A. 12 July 2011: Can you link to your first question on this site, if there is more background info on it? No one here reads every question, so if the whole situation isn't all in one post, we can't give complete answers. With that said, I'll try to help from just ... (read in full...)
My relationship vs. 'what if'!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship now for about a year now, and we have seen eachother about 4 times since then. He is 11 hours away. He is trying to get a job down here, but he has a lot of financial issues hes taking ...
A. 12 July 2011: Go out and have fun, sure. You sound like you can control yourself. Just two quotes I want to expand on...
"People are just like take a break..." People who say that are not thinking about your best interests. They're either girls who want to ... (read in full...)
Husband confessed that he dreamt of coming home and finding me on top of another man having sex. I would love it, but not sure if I should do it
Q. I am a 33 year old married woman with 2 kids. Been married now for 13 years. Now, I won't make this long so I will just get to the point. I was a virgin when I got married and never been with another man, ever. My husband once told me that he would ...
A. 12 July 2011: This is a weird evolutionary quirk he's feeling. Men are aroused by the sight of a woman being screwed by another man, partly because the caveman instincts are telling us to hurry up and impregnate her, because it's our last chance. Some sperm is ... (read in full...)
Opinions on beards please!!
Q. Hiyaaaaa, Well this isn't really a problem more off a personal opinion and preference! I don't do art as a subject anymore but I recently bumped into my art teacher and saw him with a beard!!!!! So guys why would you guys grow a beard or ...
A. 8 July 2011: I love having my beard. Keeping it neatly trimmed is about as much effort as staying clean-shaven, but well worth it. It just feels nice, and it makes me stand out. It feels manly to have.
Now, most girls I know don't like beards at first. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says I am a bad lover. What can I do?
Q. I am a relatively inexperienced guy when it comes to sex. I have watched a lot of porn. I have read a lot about it both in books and on the Internet. I have friends in alternative lifestyles who exposed me to a lot of things in conversations - ...
A. 7 July 2011: If you've dated her for three years, you may have some idea of her emotional issues. I'd say addressing those is important, but other posters have covered that.
For the sex, try to bang her like she was new all over again. Like she was a one-ni... (read in full...)
Was abused in a relationship. I want to trust guys but am having trouble. Any advice?
Q. Hey all.. I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship of 14 months in March. And it's affecting my life now. My ex cheated 3 times (we broke up because of the third). He would laugh at my opinions and reject them, saying they were stupid, etc., ...
A. 7 July 2011: First off, be careful who you take chances with. Accept that your judgment will never be perfect, but that's no reason to stop trying.
Whenever something comes up that causes you to hesitate, ask yourself what you would really be risking by trust... (read in full...)
I'm never going to find a guy! Is it my size or what?
Q. Hey so I need help. I'm starting to think that I will never find a guy. I'm a plus size model (fiercely real) and have had guys tell me im gorgeous but never want to be in a relationship with me. Is it my size or what? Its kinda lowering my ...
A. 7 July 2011: Not sure if there's a diplomatic way of saying it, but it's probably your size. Telling big girls they're hot is something guys do when they haven't been laid in a while; the belief is that they don't hear it often, so it would be easy to convince ... (read in full...)
Is this accpetable behavior from a husband?
Q. On June 30th my husband recieved a text message from a number he didn't know. It was obviously a teenage girl stating she "loves Logan". So he wrote back, "You have the wrong number". She then wrote "No I do not". In which he stated he was just ...
A. 7 July 2011: 24 texts is an awful lot. Can you see the texts?
Be warned, he may have deleted them if he's up to no good... or he may have deleted them if he's innocent, in a misguided attempt to avoid suspicion. Sometimes it's hard to see the best way to h... (read in full...)
From experience, when do you kiss a girl?
Q. Hi guys I just want to ask, from your experience, how would you know if a girl wants to kiss you? I'm 16 and I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. I like this girl, and according to her best friends, she likes me. But I'm not sure when to...
A. 7 July 2011: When you're standing very close to each other, facing each other, and holding prolonged eye contact. Private or semi-private, dim locations work best for the mood, but aren't necessary.
You'll notice that being close to her, facing her, and maki... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a virgin?
Q. Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have ...
A. 7 July 2011: I'm not a doctor, but that sounds like a made-up thing to me. Even if it's true, is there some reason he can't masturbate to deal with it?
See if you can get him to talk to a doctor. Either the doctor will explain that it's a fake conditio... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 3 July 2011: @ Eric.troy
I see what you're getting at. My issue is not in women's taste - sometimes it bothers me, but I understand it's just their nature, not their fault. Getting upset about that is about as productive as fat chicks getting upset about th... (read in full...)
Any advice for talking/dancing with girls?
Q. I've recently turned 18 so I've been going out clubbing and to pubs more often. I'm single, and I see a lot of girls there that I am far too shy to talk to! I have REALLY low confidence and I think I'm too ugly for anyone to notice me. Plus, the ...
A. 1 July 2011: First, write down a list of the things you would do if you *were* confident, outgoing, socially savvy, and basically awesome. Then start doing that stuff. Force yourself - never give yourself time to think, just act on impulse. Second, if you... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 1 July 2011: @ CindyCares The issue is when you see pretty girls going for men without steady jobs, clean prison records, or basic table manners - well, for a decent guy, it makes you question whether you've really directed your energy the right way. I ag... (read in full...)
Nice Guys
Q. Nice guys- a lot of us have overlooked them, rejected them, or simply ignored them. Then, we become interested and they're married. So, it's like a chick flick scene where a pretty girl tells her nice guy admirer that he's too much like a brother ...
A. 1 July 2011: I suspect if girls showed more attention and affection for nice guys when they were young, the nice guys would be more likely to develop into the confident, decent men women like. It's kind of hard spending your teens and twenties dealing with ... (read in full...)
Why do so many girls, such as myself, go for complete JERKS?
Q. A general question, for everyone out there. Why do so many girls, such as myself, go for complete JERKS? I'm meet these lovely, kind, hard-working and attractive men, who have similar interests as me and whom I can really talk to, but I'm just...
A. 1 July 2011: It's a primal thing. What we are attracted to is pretty much hardwired in by natural selection, and it hasn't changed much since we were living in caves. Jerks are more strongly expressing the dominant, powerful tendencies of the kind of cavemen ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend always thinks I'm going to repeat what I've done in the past!
Q. I need help me and my gf are going through a major fight she thinks I will never change when I already have she dwells in the past thinking I will lie to her and cheat on her when I won't I love her to death I would do anything for her I never want ...
A. 1 July 2011: That's part of the price you pay for bad decisions - you will get judged for them later. And the people judging are right to do so.
First, they can't read your mind. They have to go by their judgment and experience. Second, even if they cou... (read in full...)
What is the next step with her?
Q. Topic started when I saw a girl in the university about a year ago .. From the first moment I felt it was a different girl .. We did not talk a lot just to say hello as colleagues .. She had a lot of friends and was very popular within the ...
A. 1 July 2011: Ask as many follow-ups as you need, don't worry about it.
When I say "bribes" versus rewards, I know you're not thinking of them as a bribe. It still comes across that way. You have to consider not just the intent of your actions, but how they... (read in full...)
Why do people resort to lying?
Q. hello dear cupid, a quick question - why do people resort to lying? why are some people complusive liars? And even when you know the truth and they know you know the truth, they still lie and try wriggle their way out of it, even if it makes th...
A. 1 July 2011: Some lying is compulsive, and is an actual mental problem.
Most people just lie to get what they want, or to avoid getting something they don't want. That's really all there is to it. Naked self-interest is one of the most powerful motivato... (read in full...)
First love or soul mate? Which one is more devastating to lose?
Q. Is losing your first love comparable to the feelings experienced when losing a 'soul mate'?...
A. 28 June 2011: Losing your first love hurts, it's true. But so does losing your second. I'm sure there's some point where it stops hurting, or where you're numb to it, but I'm not there and don't ever intend to be. I think the hurt is a sign that what you had ... (read in full...)
What should I do? My boyfriend's sister is always bitchy towards me no matter how I try to make it work with her.
Q. I am sick and tired of my boyfriends sister! She's a complete bitch! She is the youngest one and it just drives me crazy that we argue about her because she is constantly complaining about me and I dont know what to do anymore!? She never talks to ...
A. 28 June 2011: If you can't earn her kindness, earn her respect. I dated a girl once who had a younger sister that was pretty bitchy to everyone in general, including family. I laughed at her attempts to get under my skin, made careful comebacks to her insults ... (read in full...)
Are men responsible or women for the fact that women don't look inside themselves for true integrity anymore?
Q. I want some female feedback. I see a lot of women freaking out about their guys interest in porn. I like porn. And if i had a partner I'm sure she would hate it as I would if she liked porn. I tend to like soft porn and i don't get an erection. I ...
A. 28 June 2011: ...
So, you like porn - that's alright. But you don't like women to watch porn - that's more than a bit unfair. You admire physical beauty like artwork - that's great. But you think women are too obsessed with their physical beauty..... (read in full...)
Why are women less likely to give a blowjob or hand job when your in a relationship with them?
Q. why do women let me finger them and have sex with them but they wont give me a blowjob. I have gotten blowjobs from women without even asking, these females where either friends or strippers or random drunk chicks and the strippers didnt even make ...
A. 28 June 2011: Not a huge fan of handjobs, but the lack of blowjobs in a relationship would be a dealbreaker for me.
I make it clear what my expectations are early in a relationship. Not in any ham-handed or demanding way; I've just found that every girl who... (read in full...)
I don't trust her, how can I build up that trust?
Q. Okay. I'm not going to get into specifics but my girlfriend basically ruined my trust in her. I guess technically she's my ex girlfriend. She showed up on my door step the other week saying she realized how horribly she treated me and she missed me ...
A. 28 June 2011: Don't. She broke your trust, and she hasn't changed, she just wants to avoid any consequences for her behavior. You let her get away with it once, and she'll just do it again (whatever that was, it has clearly affected you enough to be a big ... (read in full...)
I have been touched but not ready to reciprocate, what should I do/say?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and yesterday he touched me 'down there' (just outside my clothes) for the first time. I'm not ready to reciprocate just yet, but I feel selfish because I'll receive but not give. I was getting to ...
A. 28 June 2011: In the long run, my guess is you would feel fine about pushing your boundaries a little, but that's just a guess - I don't know you, and there's not much to go by in your post.
So, if you don't want to push things, just say so. Thank him, tel... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend pamper his ex better than he does me because she was prettier?
Q. Be honest guys, do you treat women who are prettier better/nicer/ with more respect than average looking women? I ask because my current partner of four years spoiled his partner rotten! Bought her anything she wanted and got into a TON of debt an...
A. 28 June 2011: She's his EX, not his current girlfriend. Chicks say they want to be spoiled, but I've found they actually grow to resent the guy doing the spoiling. He's probably learned his lesson after this, to gift you with his presence, affection, and ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my past from ruining my future?
Q. So Ive dated every type of man out there.. the hopeless romantic, the badboy, the future urban outdoorsman, the vain, and the abusive. But if you were to ask me to conduct a relationship with a "geek", I wouldnt know where to begin. To make a l...
A. 28 June 2011: Build him up. There's a special kind of pride in making the people around you better just by being part of their lives, and doing it for a geek is one of the ways I'd most recommend for any girl to have long-term happiness.
Part of it is because,... (read in full...)
What is the next step with her?
Q. Topic started when I saw a girl in the university about a year ago .. From the first moment I felt it was a different girl .. We did not talk a lot just to say hello as colleagues .. She had a lot of friends and was very popular within the ...
A. 27 June 2011: Alright, we'll take this step by step, and expand on every point we can. I'll be as clear and concise as possible; there's a lot to say, so it may come across a bit blunt.
First, you went to her city without calling to make plans with her. Ch... (read in full...)
Somebody is 'planting' panties
Q. My wife recently discovered a pair of panties which were obviously planted by (we suspect) during a recent visit by an envious/jealous guests (younger adult neice). Luckily, my wife knows I had nothing to do with the matter. Any suggestions on how ...
A. 24 June 2011: Avoid contact with her. That woman is toxic, and there is a nontrivial chance that what starting as spiteful antics will end with serious trouble.
I know she's family, but don't ever be alone with her or allow her into your home or car.... (read in full...)
I really want to get pregnant -- should I?
Q. I want to get pregnant but I know I'm young... I'll be 17 in two months and I've been in this relationship for almost three years. My boyfriend is in the Navy and I love him very very much. We've had a miscariage and it hurt both of us very badly...
A. 24 June 2011: You're rationalizing - your hormones already made the decision for you, now you're using your brain to make it sounds like the right decision, rather than using it to make the right decision.
Wouldn't you rather your boyfriend come home for good... (read in full...)
People say we're too young -- are they right?
Q. my long term boyfriend is going into the army next year after we have finished college, he will go on a 44 week training programme which he will earn £15,000 for and get two weeks leave, after that he will be permantly in the army and would get six ...
A. 24 June 2011: The right decision depends heavily on your own ability to tolerate time without him. Army relationships have obscenely high infidelity rates for that reason.
What I can do is tell you what to consider and what not to consider.
Don't conside... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a long term relationship coming from a friendship?
Q. Have any of you had luck dating friends? I have this friend but I'm interested in more. She's beautiful and intelligent, we have some common interests. Of course I'm afraid to ask her out on a date cuz I'm scared of rejection and affecting our ...
A. 24 June 2011: I've never had a friendship turn into a relationship - though I tried quite a few times when I was younger. Eventually I learned that while you can almost always make a move on a girl before becoming friends when it doesn't work, it's never worked ... (read in full...)
In the past she had affairs with married men! Is this a deal-breaker?
Q. a girl I have been dating for 6 months, and who up to now, I have liked a lot, revealed to me that in the past, not too distant, she dated a few married men. she is 28. one was when she was about 20, the other when she was 26. she slept with both of ...
A. 24 June 2011: "The past is the past" is a BS argument. What if the past involved conviction of victimless crimes? A year in a cult? Unproven suspicions of crimes? Three kids by another man that she has since left in another state and has no legal ties to? A ... (read in full...)
What is the next step with her?
Q. Topic started when I saw a girl in the university about a year ago .. From the first moment I felt it was a different girl .. We did not talk a lot just to say hello as colleagues .. She had a lot of friends and was very popular within the ...
A. 24 June 2011: You've fallen into the common trap for young guys of getting way too attached to a girl before you've had a relationship with her. She may be a unique snowflake (just like everyone else), but she's not special or irreplaceable until you've actually ... (read in full...)
Why the sudden change of behaviour? Some men are so odd......
Q. Hi all, I’m very puzzled about a certain man’s response to me. He’s a language tutor and he runs a mature class twice a week. I’ve been taught by him for nearly a year. I’m enjoying the experience of developing and speaking another language...
A. 24 June 2011: I don't think it's even affected him. Maybe just worth a chuckle on his part. He probably only remembered because you were holding a banana peel. It sounds like you have a crush on him, and when that happens it's way too easy to read way too much ... (read in full...)
Where have all the genuine people gone?
Q. So I clicked article just above the box I'm currently writing in, I believe RANT is the more appropriate word, but it's the nearest thing. So recently, over the past few months, I've noticed a huge change in a LOT of people. I don't know whether ...
A. 24 June 2011: What you're Seeing at your age is the choice between instant gratification and long-term fulfillment. Hormones and new freedoms at that age generally make high school the first giant split between both approaches to life. After graduation (and ... (read in full...)
I have information that I don't want to have and don't know how to handle this
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a pickle. My best guy friend is heads over heels for this girl. She is completly enamoured, and I have never seen her like this, so happy. She has even confessed to me that she has never loved someone so much before, an...
A. 18 June 2011: It's not your sister's fault, it's the guy's, if she didn't know about it. You'll have to remind the girl of that, as there is a good chance she'll decide it's your sister's fault, not his. I don't understand why, but a lot of people respond that ... (read in full...)
Do you believe in spanking your child?
Q. Do you believe in spanking your child? I've heard people say they believe in it and others believe that its wrong. Personally, i believe in it if they are out of control and have been warned repeatedly. Don't judge, it was how i was raised and my ...
A. 18 June 2011: It was how I was raised, too, and I certainly believe in it. The application has to be careful, done with forethought and control, not out of rage. There need to be verbal warnings, attempts to reason with the child, and above all, you must be ... (read in full...)
My husband had a threesome with his ex wife. How can I compare to that?
Q. My partner had a 3some with his wife and her friend many years ago. After the 3some his wife's friend went home to her husband. My now partner and his then wife went to bed and slept in the same bed that the "hot steaming sex" happened in. What...
A. 18 June 2011: She is his EX-wife. Doesn't that say anything to you about how their decisions turned out? You are imagining the "closeness" they shared after it. You have made all these things up based on nothing but speculation. In all likelihood, all it ... (read in full...)
Lied about being pregnant now I have to fake an abortion
Q. I dont a very stupid thing My boyfriend and i broke up two weeks ago and i am absolutely heartbroken Wer were trying for a baby before we split Like a right idiot iv went and told him im pregnant and im getting an abortion even though i dont think...
A. 18 June 2011: Lying to a man about whether or not he has a child, or whether the child is his, or whether it's been aborted - this is precisely the same as intentionally switching your baby in the hospital. How would you feel if someone did this to you? What ... (read in full...)
Why wont my wife talk about her sexual past?
Q. what could the reason be for my wife not want to talk about her sexual past before we got married ? she shuts the subject down cold, the thing that bothers me is the one thing she said- i don,t remember how many there was, there was not that many. ...
A. 17 June 2011: She's not telling because she thinks that it would cause you to stop liking her. There are probably a fair number of sordid bits she'd rather not tell, but that she does not think she could easily lie about. Or she'd rather not say anything than ... (read in full...)
What do guys prefer?
Q. Do guys who normally prefer the "bimbo" look on girls (meaning bleached or dyed long hair, tanned skin, skinny, revealing clothing,) also like "average" girls or not so much? ...
A. 17 June 2011: Depends on what the guy is looking for. A one-night-stand? A fling? LTR?
Think of it this way - if a guy just wants to get laid, no strings attached, is he going to talk to the girl in the stripper pumps with the plunging neckline, or to the s... (read in full...)
| *dds's friends
These are mutual friends, so *dds has
added them and they have added *dds!
|
