A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Will you tell the wife if you found 'your' man is actually married but lied to you? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): No, not directly anyway. Cheating is despicable and she needs to know, but not directly from you. You could get yourself in a world of hurt if you do that.
You force the husband to confess to her, or you leave an anonymous message or letter for her.
Eiither way you want to get yourself out of this situation as quickly as possible.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): No. It's possible she already knows anyway, but your saying will not help. She is possibly likely to be hostile towards you. The problem is within their marriage so they need to work it out between them.
We can all be deceived, and I don't know whether you checked this man out first but it may be worth doing so in future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): yes. wouldn't you have liked to know before you got involved that "your man" had another woman?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (12 July 2011):
 No, but I would let the man you had an affair with THINK you did!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Yes, she deserves to know. If not you, then who?
It's not revenge, it is doing the right thing.
Treat others as you would wish to be treated in the same circumstance. Would you, as a married woman, want others to turn away and not tell you that your husband was cheating on you?
I knew a young woman who died from AIDS because nobody told her till it was to late and she was infected and her children got to watch her die.
By telling her, and honestly letting her know that you didn't know, you open up her eyes to what is being done to her, as well as to others, by her spouse, and allows her the ability to make her own decisions with more of the facts, helps her to protect herself, and her family if she has one, and restricts the cheater more.
Not telling, keeping the secret, allows the cheater to maintain their power.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2011):
 no. not your place to tell... it's your place to walk away from him.... the liar will get hit by the karma bus eventually.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 If I found out a man I was dating was married, and hadn't told me I would be spitting feathers. Yes, I would probably tell his wife. You didn't knowingly get involved with a cheat, why should she? I have a strong sense of justice though, and for me it would be partly to do with revenge. It depends whether you feel you need to do this, or would rather just get the hell out of the whole messed up situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): No don't tell her. I feel for the poor woman with a lying cheating husband. I would just let them get on with their own lives.. Its worse if she has children and you don't want to be responsible for destroying their lives!
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