A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend has decided to stay with her husband for monetary reasons despite not being happy with him.He makes six times as much as her and she is barely getting by at her low income job. She got laid off from a great job and so did many others at her former company and she was able to find another job but the pay is much much lower so she is unable to contribute as much as she had before. Her husband is okay with that since he makes so much more than her.Her husband controls the money and they have separate checking accounts, his own trust fund (he inherited family money) and a prenup was done before they got married so she would be left with very little.She needs the health insurance through his work. She can't afford individual health insurance if she were to leave. Her current job does not offer health insurance.They have two young children.Given all this, she has decided to stay with him. She views him as a lifeline.The US economy is tough right now and jobs are very hard to find so she is very thankful for the job she does have, but it would not be enough to support herself on her own.Do you feel couples are putting off divorce because of the economy and sticking it out for financial reasons and if they should or should not?
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (21 November 2012):
It usually takes two to wreck a relationship. If she has decided that she doesnt like her husband any more then she either takes her freedom or takes his money. Of course, if he has been unfaithful then all she needs is a good lawyer!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 And to be honest, in thinking more about it I can tell you that she will probably stay till the bad outweighs the good.
Life may not be perfect for her but it's probably better than she leads on....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): If she tells him the truth? That is understandable.
If she lies, and pretends to be sexually attracted and love with him? She's an expensive prostitute.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): Its becoming more common, yes. Although, she would get child support, despite a prenup,even if she has shared custody. I wouldnt want to stay and be miserable. But, its up to the couple and their arrangements. I think people want whats best/most comfy 4 theiir kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): If staying with a husband with whom she is not happy but otherwise does not abuse or mistreat her means providing a loving, stable, intact, comfortable and secure home for the sakes of her two young children, then I would surmise that she's placing her children's best interests and emotional well-being above her own personal circumstances. Agree with Cerberus, anon female, and SVC in that maintaining status quo seems to be her least objectionable option for the time being. Can't be sure if hubby (or his family) is cold and calculating or merely pragmatic, but terms of prenup reflect that due to inheritence he would be immune to economic downturns while despite her "great job" she would still be vulnerable to forces beyond her control, as subsequent events proved. If she stays, then she is in a better position to eventually and ultimately negotiate an equitable settlement to end their marriage in such a way that is in the best interests of least disruptive to the kids. "Do you feel couples are putting off divorce because of the economy and sticking it out for financial reasons and if they should or should not?"Simple fact is that it costs less to maintain one residence than two residences. In tough economic times, money that would otherwise be spent housing two adults separately can better be utilized feeding and clothing children together. Parents should always sacrifice their own needs in favor if their kids', I would suggest that is what your friend is doing and so her motives may not be purely financial.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 I would still end it...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): It's not ideal but there's no reason it can't be fine until she can make other arrangements. It all depends on how content she is with the situation vs. her need for independence.
If he was really treating her badly then I'm sure she'd seek other options.
I see no reason why she would leave just yet if she has more to gain by staying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): If he is a decent man, supports her and kids, I think she is doing the right thing to stay. What is she not happy about? Does he treat her badly? If he is abusive I think she should leave but if not, I don't see how she can live on her own without struggling.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2012):
there was a time you stayed married no matter what.
in this day and age I think that we have made marriage disposable... I for sure am guilty of that...
if he treats her well (he's not beating her, they are civil and put up a good front for all involved including the children) I see nothing wrong with it...
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