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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: What would have been my two year anniversary with my ex is this sunday and Ive been so upset all week.We broke up for good in February after going back and forth for a while. We cut all contact four days after my birthday and I havent spoken to him since. He called me a month later and left me a message asking how I was doing but I didnt pick up or respond. He broke up with me, we were each other's first love first everything. Ive been a complete wreck for months and dealing with depression. He wrote me a goodbye letter the next day after we cut contact. I guess he didnt want to end on bad terms even though the break up was explosive (alot of family and personal health issues, it was a nightmare). I wrote him a letter just wishing him luck and that I wish things could have worked out between us but I know that we arent meant to be right now. The timing is all wrong.I gave the letter to his best friend to give to him this sunday.I cant bring myself to see him, it hurts too much. I figure if there is any day that he will stop running away from this(which he does to avoid feeling pain he just keeps busy and doesnt deal) and think of me it will be on our anniversary.I cant seem to cope or focus on anything else. I dont know how Im going to handle this sunday, Im in so much pain as it is that Im afraid of how im going to feel when its the actual day. Im dreading it.Should I give him the letter? I know deep in my heart we are meant to be, but we have to live separate lives right now, and maybe someday we will meet again. No matter what I do I cant seem to move on or find closure, Im hoping this will be it.And what should I do the day of the anniversary? I cant bring myself to see/hear/think/feel anything that has to do with him. I feel like my chest is going to explode, I cant shake this feeling.
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female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Honey!! some things are just not meant to be. No matter how badly we want them.
The best thing you can do is to stop sitting waiting for him to change his mind, because he probably wont. I know its hard for you, but you have to move on. If it was his parents that talked him into ending your relationship then he is spineless. There is no way that I would finish with my man if my parents didnt like him.
Take care XX you will be OK
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for the advice. i ended up spending the day with my mom, some mother daughter time. i was fine during the day. when i got home it really hit me. i called my best friend and she calmed me down. i got through the night somehow.
as for the letter, i didnt end up giving it to him. i wrote it thinking i would be going out of the country on vacation this summer but that didnt end up happening.
to make matters worse, his mom and sister came into my work the other day. i practically had a heart attack, but they didnt see me so i wasnt forced to talk to them.
i dont know. im trying so hard to get through this. i keep telling myself it will be alright. that if its meant to be it will happen, but im losing faith.
if i knew he thought about me at all or missed me just a little, this would be so much easier. but now i dont even know if he thinks about me at all anymore.
i was his first love, he asked me to marry him at one point. he met my family, which in my culture is unheard of. he told my aunts he was going to be a part of our family one day. now im finding out his parents pressured him to break it off to focus on his studies.
did i really not mean anything to him? how do you just turn off your feelings like that? how do you just leave the one person in this world who understood you because your parents told you to? i gave up so much to be with him, why wasnt he willing to stand up to them for me. instead he just pushed me away until he got to the point where he truly believed he didnt love me anymore.
and if didnt love me, then why didnt he keep coming back, literally crying for another chance? only to run away again when he was stressed with school?
im sorry guys, im still reeling. i just want some answers. i want him back. i want all of this to stop hurting so much. but mostly i just want to wake up from this bad dream.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (30 April 2009):
Hi Honey,
Sorry to hear you are feeling this bad. If I were you, I would suround myself with my friends and go do something fun that you dont normally do. Yes you will be sad, but you will cope so much better with people round you.
Dont give him the letter because my guess is that you will be waiting for a response, and if it doesn't come then you will be tearing yourself apart.
I know how hard it is to get over a relationship, but you have to try. Your future may hold a man that is even more perfect for you, and you will look back at this with just a fond memory.
XX Take care
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A
female
reader, allipurple +, writes (30 April 2009):
I really feel for you and im sorry things havent worked out, im going through similar so i can totally empathise. i think that its very much like grieving and coping with loss, but not in the worst sense, i mean you are both still alive, for that sunday maybe try and get some friends round or go out for the day, go for a walk and talk, write a letter to him, whether you give it to him is up to you. We do tend to focus on the good times,which makes us sad but maybe take a step back and think how did he make me feel? what was i getting from this relationship? Could i have done differently? what were his priorities? list some disadvantages. i see what im writing down and i think yeah i need to be doing the same thing. Time is a good healer and you will get through this, please try and stay positive, in time you may get back together, but by then you may not want to so use this time apart to re evaluate and build your strength and self esteem back. good luck hang in there wishing you all the best x
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