A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Someone I've known for years (although he's more of an acquaintance than a friend) recently got a divorce because his wife cheated on him. I've always liked the guy, he is very attractive, and we flirted, but never anything more than that.Well, he recently came to me and was extremely open. It was shocking actually, maybe he is in distress and frustrated? We met for coffee, then later he called me and confessed to me that for at least a year, on and off, he had fantasized about me and now that he's had a divorce (which has been finalized) and is "free" as he put it, he just "wanted to get it out his system" although he also mentioned he wasn't interested in a relationship. Like I said, he was extremely open. Had this been someone else, I would have been creeped out. However, I am attracted to this guy at least on a sexual level. I told him I would think about it because I wanted it to but wasn't sure if it was right.On one hand, I feel like he'll just be using me to fulfill his sexual fantasy... but honestly apart of me doesn't mind. I guess I would be using him in the same way. The guy is HOT and he was completely open about what he wanted. He doesn't seem to be hiding anything and no one else would know.I'm single, he's single. Would there really be any harm in doing this once time?
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divorce, flirt, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 October 2015):
 Sexual passion is such a strong emotional force that it does not require great deal of effort to find seemingly rational reasons to have sex. Restraining one self is much harder.
So with your post: it brims with reasons to justify having sex with this guy and if there is anything that is restraining you it is your fear that he is using you for his fantasies. Yet that is the purpose of a one night stand - to use a person for a narrow purpose of obtaining an orgasm - then moving on to another person.
My point is not to dissuade you from having sex with this guy or not. Instead, after rereading your post few times, the one thing missing is some personal criteria about whom you choose to have sex with. Fear of what he wants to do with you is fine, but that fear is just your reaction and not a preset criteria. For example, my criteria was to never sleep with a girl unless I was sure there was future between us. Of course, I never did one night stands because of fear of catching STD but that was separate from my view as to whom I wanna lay with in the first place. Yours, of course maybe different, but I was unable to discern that you even had one.
Second thing, and this is just the statistical trivia I know because of my job, and that is that only 22% of people who engage in one night stands actually experience an orgasm. This means that a whopping 78% of people never experience an orgasm during a one night stand. If these odds were in Las Vegas, don't bet on them, you'd loose.
Finally, if this dude was lusting over you for the past 12 months, and if he just got divorced, that basically means that instead of attempting to fix his marriage he spent his time drooling over you. Not much of redeeming personal quality there for my taste.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): "There is no such thing as casual sex."
Do a search on it.
Believe it.
Don't do it.
Someone will get screwed.
Don't let it be you...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): Although you call it a one night stand but it doesn't seem to me it is that. I think it is the start of a true love affair.As Ivyblue says, if it is ok with you,go ahead.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (24 October 2015):
 Once,twice or a thousand times it doesn't matter. You are both single and it's no ones business but your own. Just make sure you both have a VERY clear understanding of the rules because it doesn't take much for feelings to develop and things get messy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): I honestly don't ser anything wrong with this. He's "free". You too. If you want it, go ahead girl! The only thing would be to be careful with the emotions and feelings because it's supposed to be a one night stand. Things sometimes can go in ways we didn't even think! If you both like it, it can become a friends-with-benefits thing, which isn't bad nor wrong as long as you both keep feelings in line to not mix with it!!
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