A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice as to what I should do, if anything, about a situation that has come up in my marriage. We have been married for 4 yrs. I am 27 and my wife is 26. Our marriage is mostly good and our sex life is good but our twice a week norm is too infrequent for my wifes taste, as she would prefer four or five times. I do not use porn, I just work on average 60 hours per week, and my wife stays at home, and also does volunteer work. The issue is that we are having some home improvements done ie a new deck, new closets, and new cabinets. We had several estimates from contractors but we not pleased with their estimates. My wife took it upon herself to hire a carpenter to do the work because he promised her just the materials cost and half price labor. My issue is that the carpenter was a past boyfriend of hers and in fact they were engaged to be married prior to me meeting her. I have voiced my displeasure to her and she says that the cash savings is worthwhile for us. What should I do? I am worried!
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, her ex, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2019): Is this marriage a female led relationship? I ask because I cannot understand why you do not just tell her NO, your ex fiance is NOT coming to our house to do work or anything else! I think most men would feel that way and insist that she hire another, to do the work! Then I have to ask what you really want to happen? Do you want her ex to take her to bed and give her the sex that you already know that she needs? If so, that is playing with fire! You may hope that he can take up the slack and give her what she needs a few times a week, but if she is as horny as you say and he is having her every day, then he might become her hero, who keeps your wife in orgasmic bliss! If I were you, I would not take any chances when it came to my wife! I would hire another carpenter even if cost me more money! She may even be testing you to see what action you will take, to keep your wife safe from an interloper. Take care my friend!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2019): It seems to me that you are not giving your wife much credit as a faithful wife. Then again, as others have suggested, perhaps you asked your wife too many questions in the beginning, about her and her ex, and the sex that they shared. You must have some reason to think that she might cheat with this particular fella. If I was in your place, since you cannot sit there and wait and watch, I would acquire some nearly invisible fiber optic cameras. They can be installed by anyone with a basic understanding of computers. They can be used with miniature microphones and recorded for later viewing on your laptop. Make sure you avoid placing cameras in the carpenters work areas. Put cameras on bed in bedroom, sofa in living room, in the bathroom, and on your hot tub and pool deck. Also kitchen table and dining room table. But buster, if she does not cheat, remove those cameras, and love her like crazy! Work fewer hours, eat better, get enough sleep, and fuck her 5 days a week, using viagra if need be! Good Luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2019): I think that it would really be a bad idea for you to make you wife hire a different guy to do the work at your house. If you do then is she really co equal, to you? Also women are impressed and even aroused by their mans self confidence. To forbid her ex from doing the work will only make you look weak and jealous, to your wife. Has she ever been untrustworthy? The other thing is to look at how little time that you are giving to your wife intimately. You can probably trust her, but even if she gave it up to her ex fiance, a few times, you are not going to even know it, and can you honestly begrudge her some pleasurable orgasms considering how little she is getting from you? You are lucky to have a wife who took the initiative to hire her ex, in order to save you some money, which you seem to value, since you work so much. Look at it this way, your wife is hungry for male attention, and if she decides to take it from her ex fiance, she will end up saving you even more money, so its a win win! Let her ex do it
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2019): I think that anonymous male is on to something. I know that my fiance asked all about my past lovers. It stands to reason that you must know that your wife and her ex are very good together in bed. Instead of acting to stop them, you write to an advice column for opinions of others? Why? I think too that you may be deficient in size and we already know that your stamina is low. You may be one of those men who has a cuckold fantasy of his wife being fucked by a more manly and more well hung man. If you were an Alpha yourself, you either would not worry, or you would nip the problem in the bud without getting other opinions! It seems like you already know that she is going to fuck her ex, and that you are just letting that happen as often as she wants, most likely in the bed you share with your horny wife. I wonder if you get off on knowing that your wife is cheating on you, in your own home, in the marriage bed? If you like oral sex, I suppose you will enjoy the new taste, that your wife has! Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2019): There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with this ex fiance in your home. Tell her this and end his services. That's called honesty. Have her find another.
Also, make sure you check your self esteem. DO you trust her and if no. Figure out why and fix it.
Lastly, Take a few hours off and add some pizazz to the little time you are giving your wife. You don;t need porn! You need to visualize how sexy your wife is to you and tell her so.
Women tend to be more verbal as men tend to be more visual. That is wayyyy important to remember.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2019): OP, it seems like you are the submissive partner in this marriage. Why would our advice be your guide in what to do? Are you worried with good cause that your wife may have a plan to cheat? Most couples have the past lovers discussion about how many and how big etc and perhaps you know more than you are telling. Your sex life is not really so good, not if your wife is always left, wanting more! Could it be that your wife has told you that her ex and she used to have an intense, over the top sex life? Could she have told you of his greater stamina? Or could your wife have told you once, of her ex s superior penis size? Did she ever say if he gave her vaginal orgasms from penetration alone? You say that you are worried, yet you are not worried enough to take action on your own, and you consult total strangers for advice!? I think that you know that you are lacking in comparison to her ex, and I think that you are too afraid to risk angering her to stand up to her! You know she needs and wants her ex! Right?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2019): Ok, here is the thing. You are a workaholic and you cannot keep up with your wifes needs in the bedroom. I understand her needs because I too am a five days a week girl. We have only been married for 6mos, but my husband has turned down overtime hours at work to be home to fulfil my needs. There is a wide gap between two times and five times. She may want you to work fewer hours so you can give her the O s that she desires. If you will not take time for her, her carpenter might just give her the other three! Think how many weeks that you have been working so hard! Now multiply that by three short every week! That is the deficet that your wifes V is feeling! No imagine a hot sweaty carpenter, hammering away, with no shirt on! If you are smart, you will take time, to prevent that carpenter from nailing you horny wife! If you do not, she will know that she is second place, on your priority list. Just sayin! If you pick work and money, will it be worth losing your loving wife and her warm and snug V?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2019): Head of household? OMG.....Do not listen to that guy.In a marriage spouses are equal.You trust your wife or you do not trust her.Without trust there is no marriage.If you do not trust let her go so she can find someone who does.Yes it is that easy.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2019): Sir, you need to put the brakes on this thing that your wife has done. You are the sole money earner in your home. Then your wife hires a carpenter, without consulting you first and he just happens to be her ex lover, whom she was going to marry?! She my be a co equal in your marriage, but so are you! You need to veto her deal and let her know that as her husband, and sole source of earnings, and therefore the head of household, that she has no business having her former lover, on your property, or being in close proximety to her ex, and further, I would tell her that you are not comfortable with her having her past lover, as he Go To Guy! The Go To Guy for your wife, should be you alone! Then two mates can make a logical plan of action. Your wife overstepped, even if she meant no harm, she bypassed you, and that is wrong. Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2019): Personally I think you're overly worried.
Probably she is not going to cheat on you.
If you are still worried, perhaps you could drop home unexpectedly on the 1st day and just say something
like "I wanted to see how the work was going?"
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2019): Exes and coworkers are the top two kinds folks cheated with. Women sleep with guys they know and trust. Exes are probably number one. That first time shock of getting naked together is history. Having said all that, if she's still that friendly with him they are going to do it, or not do it-- if he does the deck or not. Also cheating with an is somehow a little more acceptable than with a guy she met at bike week on vacation with the girls.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (15 July 2019):
You’re kidding right? How can you question your good fortune? Home improvements done for half the cost of everyone else and the added bonus that it’s being done by someone you trust. Sorry someone your wife trust. Since you apparently can’t tell your wife and her ex fiancé NO. Here’s what you do. Find out how long the work will take, get the start date of the work arrange for vacation/holiday from work then stay home and see what happens. Or you can give him the key to your place and take your wife on holiday while the work is being done. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2019): My wife and I grandfathered in flings with most of our exes.I crossed off her ex boss she had an affair with. I think she has a me too claim with him, she doesn't. She was done having kids when we made this rule. We haven't done any of them yet and probably won't. But it's nice to know, given the chance, we have hall passes at class reunions.So if she's using birth control I wouldn't worry. But I'm guessing you are worried about nothing. She'll be true.Also, you should be pleasing her the five times a week she wants. No one ever says I wished I worked more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2019): Correction:
"Is he so totally stupid he'd try to boink your wife knowing that's what you're figuring he's up to?"
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2019): Is sex your only reason to distrust your wife? Is she the cheating kind?
Pride and ego are two of the most destructive traits in men. Pride makes us look and behave stupidly. Ego makes us believe we're more than we are, and too self-centered. It creates both false-security and insecurity. Fluctuating between the two makes us wacko!
We let pride and ego override common-sense. Your wife knew of a resource. She got a good deal on home-improvements; and most people I know, including myself, have turned to professionals or experts we know personally. Doctors, lawyers, plumbers, and carpenters! Professionals who were properly licensed, bonded, and capable. Being friends or acquaintances, we can barter or exchange favors. He's getting paid; so it's not completely a favor.
He also knows you're suspicious and keeping a close eye on his every move. Is he so totally stupid he'd try to boink your wife knowing that's what you're figuring he's up too?
Your manhood is not threatened; because some guy she used to know is working on your house! If she was up to cheating, she could do that with any man. Your insecurity is filling your head with nonsense.
Well, you've let her know you're insecure and don't trust her. That makes her aware you're expecting trouble, and suspicious of her motives. That ought to improve your marriage! I mean that sarcastically!
Sir, sex isn't what secures and solidifies the bond in a marriage. It's love and trust. If your partner is going to cheat, why would she have to go pick an ex? She can pick any man at random, if she was up to that. Why someone you'd suspect right off the bat?
Get a physical checkup. Get your testosterone-level checked. Cutback on your work-schedule, and get more rest. If you're so uncertain about your libido and your ability to please your wife sexually. If you smoke, stop! If you drink a lot of alcohol, drink less. If you're over-weight, drop the weight. If you don't have time for exercise, at least take walks during your lunch-break; and start a morning routine of doing some pushups and sit-ups before work. Physical-activity and exercise increases blood-flow and naturally increases testosterone.
If you suspect your sex-life is inadequate; it may not be the quantity, but the quality. Prolong foreplay, include kissing and caressing. Ask her what she'd likes you to do; and try and do more of it. It's not always just intercourse; but some of the things you do before, during, and after!
You're projecting your feelings of inadequacy onto your wife. If she wants more; then it's your husbandly-duty to do what it takes to satisfy her with pleasure. Don't assume she'd sacrifice her marriage; when she could just leave you, and pursue all the sex she could ever want.
Maybe it's time she got a job to lighten your financial-burden of trying to support your household alone. If you don't have any children, it makes no sense that she's not working full-time anyway.
Your pride decided you'll carry all the load to look like superman. Trying to prove you can be the sole bread-winner, and she doesn't have to work. You're probably competing with imaginary-men she knows whom you think earn more; and it impresses your wife you can make good money! You're the one breaking your back and too tired to keep-up with your wife! She doesn't have to go dig-up an ex to supplement her deficient sex-life. She could do that anywhere and anytime, with any man.
She's right, the cash savings are worthwhile. Why don't you suggest she get a job and cut-back on your work hours, so you'd have more energy?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2019):
 Do you think your wife is weak of mind? Untrustworthy?
If so, WHY are you married?
IF not, then TRUST that she called the ex for an estimate and to do the work because she KNEW he could do it cheaper.
I get that he is not only an EX, but an ex-fiance - but.. IF she still had feelings for him, why did their relationship end?
SHE CHOSE you. SHE married you.
If you think being around him all day while he works will make her drop her panties, then maybe you need to up your "game" a little, take her out for a romantic dinner, picnic, whatnot and EVEN if you are tired from working 60 hours... show her a little extra "lovings" in the bedroom. Make those ALL about her. She will forget all about handyman ex-fiance, get a cheaper kitchen and feel wanted by YOU, her husband.
And yes saving are generally worthwhile, unless it brings drama. Apparently, there isn't a lot of drama with this ex or she would have skipped calling him. THAT is my guess.
SOMEONE who wants to cheat will find a way. They don't NEED to "invite" a blast from the past to do so.
Have some faith in yourself, your marriage and your love for each other. MAke sure she knows.
SHE is over him and vice verse.
...............................
|
