A
female
age
41-50,
Alisa
writes:Alot of blogs are about married men and their mistress hurting the wife. What about the wives who let their husbands cheat? I will share my story. I was dealing with a married man for almost 2 years. I known him for 4 years. He chased me for 2 years with no sex. The wife knew about the affair. We watched each other kids, and did favors for one another. I called his home. She knew we went out. She knew he came to my home. She was always careful not to ask questions. She even joke about his inadequacy's in the bedroom. Out of the blue, he decided they should move. She began to lose weight, making plans to further her education. Two weeks before they moved, he decided to confirm to her, what she already knew. She pretended that she had no idea. He pretended to believe her lies. She acted like she was upset with me. Later she called me, and suggested to have a meeting. I declined the meeting, because I believed she was playing games. Why I cheated with him? I was lonely. I am divorced, and because I had her permission my burden of conscience was eased. I never did this before. I'm hurt, because I thought we were close. We didn't have sex all the time. We talked. Dated 2-3 times a week. We even went on trips. I never wanted him to leave his wife for me. She seemed like she was planning to leave him. After he told her, he decided my friendship was no longer needed. She didn't even tell him to not be friends with me. He left without a call good bye. I knew he wanted his marriage,although he knows his wife doesn't really want him. What's sad is that he is acting this way for a women who doesn't care. I now realize that we were never friends, and that he was using me for the attention he wasn't getting from her. I was wishing he called me. I just wanted to see if he cared about me enough to say sorry. He just left. The worst part is I'm pregnant. He impregnated me on purpose. I don't know what to do. I'm not a victim and neither is she. Maybe we both are, after all she was 16 and he was 26, when she got pregnant. I was a lonely woman with no family in a town and no friends. Help me to understand why wives let their husband cheat, and go on with them while they hurt the other woman? Do you think he will call me to say sorry or ask about the baby? When I told him, he said he wanted to be in the baby's life.
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female
reader, Alisa +, writes (21 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuiet echo, I forgot to answer your question. Yes her refusal would have helped to stop the affair. My own way I would tell her, he was over my house the night before, or that he brought me gifts. I wanted to see if she cared to say something to me or him. I would have stopped. I know I was dead wrong for my part. I honestly believed she just didn't care about this man, being with other women. I know she is financially depended on him right now, and for all I know she could have left him, when they moved closer to her family. I asked him does he want to be in the baby's life, and he said yes. Then he just Dissappeared. If he would called or write and said no I would have understood. Nothing. Doesn't sound like a man who is having things go his way.
A
female
reader, Alisa +, writes (21 July 2009):
Alisa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuiet- Echo you are so right. There were two lonely women in this picture, and very deceitful man. Yeah she knew about the affair, and I all but told her we were having sex. She didn't want to ask questions, just to have maximum deniability. That is neither here or there. She definitly knows I'm pregnant by now, but somehow he, and she decided by moving to another state they would just hide. Any man that tries to skip out on his kid married or not will have no good luck coming to them. Who knows what this man put her thru all those years to get her to this point? I obliviously didn't know him as well as I thought. I'm not first woman this happen to, and I won't be the last. I just have to work on my loneliness, so I won't be in a situation like this. One thing is true maybe we all took advantage of the situation. We all will pay someday. Mines just happen to be now. This just happen less than 2 months ago I'm still hurt, but each day is better. I said he impregnated me on purpose, because he knew I wasn't on anything. The night that we conceived I was drunk, and plus I say that because he knew he was in a situation, that he wanted. Now it's a innocent baby in the middle, and if his wife encourages him to stay away from his child, then she becomes just as guilty as him. If you are going to stay with a man who had an affair in your face, then you can accept whatever that affair has brought to your marriage.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 July 2009):
 She didn't "let" him cheat she just didn't call him on it. A subtle difference. She sounds like she cares about her marriage more than you think. And what's up with "He impregnated me on purpose." if he didn't rape you then where was your responsibility? You have a lot of excuses but you need to accept the responsibility for your own decisions and actions. You knew he was married from the get go. Sorry but you've reaped what you've sown.
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