A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have written before and still need some advice. I dated a man and we really hit it off. The relationship progressed with little or no major conflict. At the time I was divorced ten years and he had only been divorce for about one year. We had a lot in common including: the way both our marriages ended (our ex's both had affairs); substance abuse in terms of our fathers; and interests. We got along very well. I was the one, who asked him out, and he would always tell me how glad he was that I asked him out. He also would tell me that everything just felt right. He didn't tell me that he loved me, but would tell me all the time that I meant the world to him. We kept our relationship a secret because my kids knew him and if it didn't work out it would be hard. I had some issues with that for a while, but did end up realizing it was appropriate especially in the beginning of our relationship. Later on he even told me it would be okay to tell them. Things went along and he ended up having ED. I noticed something was wrong the first time we attempted being intimate, but didn't think anything of it since at the time his father was in the hospital. We tried another three times and had no luck. I decided to break up with him and he begged me to take him back. I tried for a month, while he quickly began to distance himself from me. He told me the ED was due to our lack of chemistry, which I don't buy at all. He did admit he is very self conscious of his body (he is over 300 lbs) and doesn't feel good about his body. He also confessed to me that he only slept with the women he married(first wife turned gay), so he takes sex seriously, which I do as well. We had been dating at least four months before we got to the point of sleeping together. After our break-up he did try to make me jealous by bringing around another woman. He also set up a situation in which he invited a whole bunch of people to an event and me and my daughter were the only ones to show up (we had a week advance notice, while everyone else had only 1 hour). I even suggested that we give it another try. He told me no while he kept on hugging me. We see each other a lot because of my daughters' extra curricular activities. I have dated the last year and still haven't found anyone I clicked with like I did with him. I did date one man for a few months but, it didn't work out. He admitted to me that he is not going to date for a while and concentrate on his work and raising his son. I had lunch with him a few weeks ago. We talked for two hours and would have stayed longer, but I had an appointment. Am I wrong to think that we still may have a connection? Or am I wasting my time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I don't know what you mean by something was missing. It did take him a month for him to kiss me. At first I thought he was just being a gentleman, but then was wondering if he was really interested. Once we did start kissing everything went very well. We could not keep our hands off of each other. When he had problem performing, he blamed it on me telling me that it seemed that was all I wanted. I just thought that it was the next logical step. I had not had sex for over ten years, so maybe that put more pressure on him, but we had dated 4 months at the time. What gets me is that he was already talking about combining families after only dating 3 months. I did not even mention marriage. I was just happy having someone special in my life.The third time we tried to have sex and it didn't work I pulled away. I didn't know how to react. I sort of figured out that there was a problem sooner, but was waiting for him to talk to me about it, which he didn't. He is not the best communicator although he has to express himself in his job. He went out of town on business for a week and when he got back, he asked me to give him another chance. It was the longest month because he slowly just pulled away from me and broke up with me. I think he is scared to death of his feelings for me. He couldn't get the word love out but, would say I meant the world to him, told friends he was crazy about me and even talked to his parents about me(only after dating a month). He has had two failed marriages and then could not perform sexually for his last girlfriend, he must not feel very manly. I think for him putting the wall up is much easier than addressing his issues. His ex is getting married the end of this month. He tells me that they deserve each other, but by just saying that I can tell he is having issues with it. I was thinking of getting together with him then and making one last ditch effort to connect with him then. All I know is that I told him that I have dated for one year and can't find anyone relationship that can compare to ours. I told him that I don't even want to be friends with most of the men I met. I am friends with him and told him that is the best way to start a relationship. I don't know where to go from here. I think his mixed messages confuse me. I would not ask or give an old boyfriend hugs on a regular basis.
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (9 June 2010):
 I'm going with wasting your time. This guy apparently has issues you can't help him with-I strongly suspect that there's a few missing pieces of info concerning this guy, too. I suspect that there's more than meets the eye with this fella, maybe you'd have a shot at cranking this back up again if you knew what's really lurking inside. Something about your post just doesn't strike me right. Any other info to offer?
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