A
female
age
41-50,
*ightyaphrodite9
writes:Dear Cupid:I met a great guy after a long relationship finally ended (messily) and we started a fast relationship. From the beginning, he didn't trust me; he had been hurt in the past and I tried to be understanding and confident about it. But over the months it wore me down to a point where, drunk one night, I said "What the Hell? He's already decided I'm going to" and slept with my ex. Now the great guy wants to be together again, but we can't seem to make it work because his insecurities are always getting in the way.Should I stay or should I go?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): He needs to not punish you for what other people did in his past! And if you allow this to continue then it will never stop trust me. You have to confront him and if he cant trust you then i am sorry but i would say go... who wants to live like that?
A
male
reader, Shipwreckd +, writes (4 March 2009):
 That all depends on how you feel. This last relationship already set you up for failure from the start, and you willingly became a part of his self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's hard to be in a relationship with someone that is insecure and not willing (or sometimes able) to get the help that they need. The insecure ex needs to talk to someone about his past and rectify what has happened to him otherwise he will set this same cycle up with you (if you allow it) or future girlfriends.
Stop the cycle. Don't go back to him. He has some things he needs to work on before he's ready for a relationship.
As for you, it's concerning that when you broke, you did so very completely with your prior ex just to "give yourself a reason" to sabotage the relationship. Though alcohol has it's own say in things, you are still in control of your actions. Blaming alcohol...that doesn't work so much. All the alcohol did was bring what you really wanted to a head.
Next time, if you're in a relationship that isn't working for you, take the high road out and just end it. It sucks, true, but there should be absolutely zero reasons for you to sabotage any relationship and hurt others even more than necessary in the process.
You already had a reason to back away from the insecure guy. He wasn't ready. Maybe you aren't either because adults in healthy relationships communicate, even IF the communication is to say, "I'm done with this." If you can't communicate openly and honestly with the one that you're with, then you don't have a whole lot for a relationship to grow.
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