A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a serious matter my ex boyfriend used to abuse me mentally physically verbally and emotionally ,,I put restraint order on him and yet he violated it after few weeks then now he contacts me every time and promise he will change and he never does and when I reach the point that I can't go on that he tries his best to keep me with him and when he fails he does nasty things like calling me bad names and slap me ...last time which was before few days he was trying his best to make an official engagement when we both come back ,,I didn't accept that cause I found myself can't be with some one like him yet he promised to fix everything even with my parent who really hates him.When it also failed he locked me in the room and prevented me from escaping his hands then he started threatening me of posting videos that I don't know when did he took them of me having sex with him I asked him to show me he said he keeps some in his phone but he didn't let me see it .then when I got scared I fainted and when I woke up after few minutes I found him lying next to me and begging me to stay and when I questioned how come he did that videos he said he was lying to me and that I made him lose his temper as usual but then I refused to stay he started yelling and threatening me to scandal me of these videos,,then he left after us slapping each other ,,after an hour he sent a message that he will do nothing to harm me and that he does't forgive me for me ruining his life yet he is the one who did that !! then I sent me either then he sent a message like I wish you good life and don't play people yet I never.My question now do you think he has videos of us having sex cause I really wonder how he did that when we was living at my place and he didn't show me them...secondly will he try to contact me again he came in town few days ago but I never seen him and he didn't try to contact me? every time I break up with him but this time it was really huge cause it is the first time of him threaten with me having videos and he knew that I'm about to get engaged for some one else that's why he was rushing our engagement as soon as he can yet he wasn't ready for that financially but he kept asking to drop it and he will handle it ..To be more honest each time he calls after few weeks I reply his messages and get back to him cause I'm scared of him so does that mean he will again ??? I'm sorry but I'm really scared cause even restraint order failed to stop that sad dramacan you explain to me whether he will contact me again it has been almost two months of zero contact so will he do it again ??? I don't know am really scared and I need to know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): If you have a restraining order why are you not calling the police when he contacts you? You need to cut off all contact NOW and stay strong. If he attempts to contact you CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. I am from Canada and currently have a peace bond against my ex. Any form of contact whatsoever (even if he drives by my house) he will immediately be arrested and have to go to court. I am wondering why you feel that the police aren't doing anything to protect you? Are you letting them know that he still contacts you? You need to take back control of your life and not live in fear of your ex.
As for the videos....he may or may not have them. I think he is bluffing as deperate people will do desperate things to get you to talk to them/take them back. I think that if he does have videos he probably would have shown them to you by now to prove that he does have them.
As for him contacting you....well only he will know. It sucks living in fear and not knowing if today is going to be the day that he shows up on your door but if he hasn't contacted you in two months that's a good sign that he may be letting go.
It sounds like you have been through a lot and I really encourage you to talk to a therapist to work through things. It's been 7 months since I left my abusive ex and I am still trying to pick up the peices. There tends to be a lot of issues that need sorting though.
Best of luck to you
A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 He shouldn't even be talking to you since you have the restraining order. I thought restraining orders kept you from calling that person, but I might be wrong. The bottom line is that you need to stay away from this guy and make sure he stays away from you. Don't answer his calls or emails and if he comes around again, make sure you have someone else with you so he doesn't attempt to hurt you. Go to the police and make sure you know what the restraining order entails. Tell them what has happened to you and what he's did, and maybe hopefully they can put this guy in jail. And if they don't, then I'm sure they will find some way to make sure you're safe at all times. But make sure this guy doesn't come around you or call you and if he does, then get the police involved. This is why we have them.
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