A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I have a problem with this girl texting my boyfriend and would really appreciate some advice on how to control my emotions over it.My boyfriends been with me for 8 months and things are okay. The only time we argue is over this girl. She's his ex-girlfriend from when he was 12/13 years old. She was a family friend kind of thing and lives two houses from his mums house(he lives with his grandma but is down his mums regularly). She goes to our school, however we are doing exams and will be heading to college shortly. The first time, she started texting him and I asked who on earth she was because it was out the blue. He said a family friend and eventually I found out it was his ex.These texts started to become more and more often as to 2-3 times a day, and it started to annoy me that everytime I went to his house he got texts from her. They said things like "hey, how are you" general stuff and talking about how "fun" it was when he used to come round hers(when they were together). I don't know if it's me but I hate ex's talking about how it was so good when they were together. Anyway, I started getting upset by this and it got to a point where I was checking his phone and he was deleting messages from her which made me more paranoid :/ He promised he would NEVER delete messages and lie to me again. He said he would stop texting her and ignore her so she would stop too. Few days later he said he hadn't text her at all and he didn't recieve any(whilst I was there). Few months later he got a text from her saying she has credit now. So I asked was this why he weren't texting and he said yeah. This got me more upset! :/ Very recently, he went to the bathroom and I knocked his phone when getting a drink, so I picked it from the floor and he had a 3 messages. One from O2, one from his auntie and one from this ex saying "You text me when I..." (I didn't open the message so that's all I saw) When he came back I said he had 3 messages, he checked and I asked who were the messages from. He said his mum. I said and? He said his aunt and nobody else. So I shouted at him for lying because he had deleted the text from her to try and make me believe that she hadn't sent him a text. It turns out they text at night too and he plans to go around her house for a "catchup". He said sorry for it immediately but I'm still so hurt. I go to bed at night, lay there and just think about him texting her right now. I don't know what to do at all. They broke up because she got grounded for 2 months and wasn't allowed to see him or speak to him so he broke it off. I can't help think they will get close again and I will lose him. Help? Will I lose him it he continues to text his ex?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): truth is, if someone doesn't want to be faithful to you, you can't "make" them be. trying to 'make' them do or not do anything doesn't work it just means they will go behind your back to do it or hide it from you. he already is choosing to be in touch with this other girl. The more you make a big deal out of it, doesn't change his feelings for her it just 'forces' him into secrecy this way.
truth is, he's not mature enough or willing to be committed to you. I would cut back on your emotional investment in him and this relationship. there's nothing else you can do.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 He does not sound completely committed to you and that is sad if he cannot be honest with you and is still in regular contact with his ex.
How strong can you be about dealing with this?
Is there a trusted wise person in your family group who might undersand how hurt you are over this?
It would seem that he has not fully let go of this girl. If he is genuinely thoughtful and considerate and respectful towards you in other ways then sit down with him and tell him how much his behavior is upsetting you. Ask him how he would feel if the same was done to him, by you? Not too happy I am sure.
It is he who needs to make a stand. Is he using you as a stop gap measure until he can get back with her? If so then you will lose him, in fact if that is the case he is being your boy friend under false pretences.
But if he has no intention of ever getting back with her then he also needs to stop replying to her texts and stop communicating with her. No doubt the girl is already stressing out as you and he are going to college
But if he is still attached to her then sadly, for your, he will see her at college soon enough when it is her time to go to college.
he needs to be more supportive of you. and stop being deceptive in his dealings with you about the texts from this girl.
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