A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I really like this girl Jessica, we have liked each other for about 4years now. But the reason why i didnt date her before was because she was really flirty to everyone and it made me jealous and i didnt see myself trusting her, so i gave up on her and dated another girl.Well 4 years later we are talking again and she told me that she has always liked me and knew we would be together someday, and that she has honestly changed because back then she was very immature and now she has grown and isnt like that anymore, well we went on a date the other day and it was fun, i laughed more than i have in a while and i would really love to call her my GF and hold her hand and what not but she still has alot of male friends, and they call her ALL the time.Will they hopefully stop calling when they hear shes dating me? and do you think its possible for someone to stop being a flirt??
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flirt, immature, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Can you control other people? That is impossible !
Yes! It is possible someone can stop flirting if the conditions are not there.You will have to get rid of those conditions or ask her not to flirt with any man.
Exactly what is flirting? Different people may have different standards. You need to set your boundaries and provided she agrees with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): As for the other guys, just keep in mind: forbidden fruit is all the more alluring. It's like some people have a radar for it - they want what they can't have. So don't think that anyone will stop calling her b/c of you.
But, the important issue is how she deals with them. How intense is this flirting? Is she on the phone with a guy talking about sex positions for an hour while you're sitting there next to her? Or does she go out every now and then with some friends? Bottom line, jealously is a huge turn off, but if you have a reason to be jealous, I think you should talk to her.
Tell her that you have this insecurity, how you're feeling, and what would make it better. I mean you can't assume she'll drop all her guy friends, that's not fair. But make some rules - like no calls from them when you're on a date, or whatever.
If the feeling persists and you think it's more than just you being a paranoid, jealous bf, then your intuition is trying to tell you something. If it were me, I would spare myself that kind of pain.
Always remember, there are many someone's out there for you, so if it doesn't work out with this one, another one will come along!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): As for the other guys, just keep in mind: forbidden fruit is all the more alluring. It's like some people have a radar for it - they want what they can't have. So don't think that anyone will stop calling her b/c of you.
But, the important issue is how she deals with them. How intense is this flirting? Is she on the phone with a guy talking about sex positions for an hour while you're sitting there next to her? Or does she go out every now and then with some friends? Bottom line, jealously is a huge turn off, but if you have a reason to be jealous, I think you should talk to her.
Tell her that you have this insecurity, how you're feeling, and what would make it better. I mean you can't assume she'll drop all her guy friends, that's not fair. But make some rules - like no calls from them when you're on a date, or whatever.
If the feeling persists and you think it's more than just you being a paranoid, jealous bf, then your intuition is trying to tell you something. If it were me, I would spare myself that kind of pain.
Always remember, there are many someone's out there for you, so if it doesn't work out with this one, another one will come along!
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 Past behavior is an indication of future behavior.
-Dr. Phil
But on a side note, you should learn to trust her if she really means that much to you.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (29 February 2008):
 its harmless for a girl to have male friends. and alot of girls flirt with guys that are their friends - but would never see it as anything serious. it is natural for members of the opposite sex to be friendly and sometimes flirt - its instinct really. it sounds like she really does want to be with you - so why question that? i have alot of male friends that i would never even think of dating, and my bf is fine with that. as long as her friendship with these guys doesnt cross any boundaries, i wouldnt worry. dont smother her so much or you will send her running. you cant expect her to drop all her friends just to make you feel secure can you? dont just expect her to cheat just because she is female and they are male. trust her, and get to know her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): To be honest I do not think it is easy for someone to be a bit flirt and then STOP! It is her nature and possible one of the things which attracted you to her. It seems others had the same impression.
Some women are professional flirts! They can be women who just enjoy the massive attention men give them and that is their buzz. I have a friend like that, all the guys think she is super and flirt outragously with her, but I will tell you one thing - at the age of 48 - she is still alone and has no partner at all! So her flirting, and I love her to bits!, has not necessarily meant she gets caught or catches anyone.
Decide what you can cope with. Her maturity I hope has grown, but you will only know this if you spend more time together. Then you can judge if all of this is something you wish to continue with. Meet her friends perhaps, don't assume she will cheat on you, which is your suspicion, until you have established a bit more of a relationship.
You ask if they will stop calling now your on the scene. They will if she tells them too!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): How old are you two? If you are in the 18-20 bracket then dont expect her to settle down, she is young and so are you. Why should she give up her male friends just because you are on the scene. I dont think she should feel she has to. They may back off once they see that she is with you, but i cant see why they should. You are both young and should be enjoying life, not all this serious relationship stuff. Dont stiffle her or she may end up running.
take care
xx
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