A
female
age
36-40,
*ude_reds
writes:I was in a relationship with my son's father for 10 yrs (since 2000). It was bad at first but after I left him in 2008 he changed and our relationship became exactly what I dreamed of. In 2010, we both got blackberries. Well, actually I got mine in Dec 2009 and he got his in Mar 2010. In April 2010, he asked me to pull him into a bbm chatroom bcuz he was bored with just the two friends he had on his bbm and I had told him previously that I got a lot of friends from being in a chatroom. I noticed there was a girl in the chatroom who kept referring a lot of the conversation to him and I asked him about it and he told me don't worry cuz she was from across the country anyway and was basically a stranger. In May 2010, I found some text msgs on his phone from another girl and we had a huge argument and I told him maybe we should break up. The next day, after I'd cooled down I told him maybe it was best that we talk about it and see what we could work out. He started yelling at me that he hated me and didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. A week later, I realised I was kicked out of the chatroom (at the time the owner said she shut down the group). Both he and the girl were my bbm friends so around the same time I noticed their statuses started matching each others' own and a lot of it was very graphic. Another member of the chatroom then informed me they were heating up the chatroom and making it clear they were having sex with each other. He treated my son and I horribly. As a matter of fact a month after the breakup I found out I was pregnant and he told me he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Due to the fact that I wasn't following healthy habits for a while after the breakup, I lost the baby. The girl eventually broke up with him in Dec 2010 (turns out he wasn't the only man in her life). In Jan 2011, I did something stupid. I slept with him. Soon after that, I met somebody really nice and things were great until I found out in Mar that I was pregnant by my ex. When I told him, at first he wanted to get rid of it bcuz he said he couldn't handle that now. I told him I wasn't doing that. After a while, he said he wanted to try working things out. However, his treatment of me now is the worst. He calls me names and insults me. He even tells me he hates me. He doesn't care who's around when he does this. If I ask him to stop, he just gets worse. When I ask him if this is how he wants our two children to grow up seeing, he says yes cuz it's not his fault their mother is a bitch. He only talks to me nicely when he wants something. He lies to me. I picked up his phone recently and found msgs between him and a girl (whose bf I know) and he was telling her he was single for months since he and the other girl had broken up and he needed sex bad cuz he wasn't getting any (he conveniently forgot me). I realised that even though I keep going out of my way to make him happy, apparently my happiness doesn't matter to him. I'm so confused. How can he treat me like this when he admits that everything he has today is due to me? How is it he treats me like a dog but treats women he barely knows with the highest level of respect? Will he ever start showing me gratitude for what I do or should I just throw in the towel and walk away? I know I should probably walk away but he lives five houses away from me so I see him everyday. What do you suggest I should do to move on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Save yourself before it can get worse. THROW IN THE TOWEL!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Good grief, I feel so sorry for you. You do NOT deserve to be treated like this!Delete him from your life. Delete his phone number, email address and everything else so the only contact you have with him would be for your children. I'd suggest even moving away from him, but I know that may not be so simple. This man obviously see's you as nothing, and you are definitely not nothing. You deserve MUCH better than this. I would cut all ties from him, and limit contact with him to as little as possible. Even if he starts being nice to you, just remember how he's been treating you recently and keep in mind that he'll probably treat you like that again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2011): Wow, sounds like you have had a tough time. I don't think anyone can tell you what to do because it simply as to be your decision. I know how hard it is to hate someone that you love, I know because I am there right now but the fact is there are children involved here and they need to come first and if he says that is what he is going to tell your children then he is no role model and doesn't deserve those two children and if I was you I would get rid but at the end of the day as I say it as to be your decision as it is you that as to live with it and bring up your children on your own. If you do want him out of your life then you maybe should think about moving....just a thought, you deserve to be happy and this man isn't making you happy at all. Good luck in whatever you decide to do and I hope everything works out for you!
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