A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm nearly 21 years old and I've never been in a relationship with a guy. I've never even been kissed and it's getting thoroughly embarrassing. I feel like I'm missing out on key life experiences. I know 20 is still young, but the thing is I have no relationship prospects and I don't know what the problem is. I'm not saving myself or anything like that; I just haven't had any real opportunities. Most of my friends are guys, but none of them are attracted to me. I'm intelligent, I have a good job and a good social life, I take care of myself, I'm not shy around guys and lots of men and women tell me I'm pretty. I have enough self-confidence, but I am a little overweight and I walk with a slight limp. It's not as if I'm at the point where I'd sleep with just any guy, but heading into my early 20s with no previous experience whatsoever is hard to take. I've usually felt like a good guy won't care about these things, that the right guy will come along and blah blah blah. But now I'm not so sure. What should I do?
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limp, overweight, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I'm 21 and i'm a virgin too..is not a big deal girl..when you will be ready just do it..I'm one year older than you..what should i do..as you say to cry all day..NO!NO!NO!
I'm not like dracula..and to tell you the truth(as they say i'm very beautiful and i know that ahahhahah) i was with some guys before but i didn't want to have sex with them!Just i didn't!And i'm very happy about that..
Trust me is better when you don't feel sick about your body!you know what i mean..
I'm with a guy now and he is the only one that i feel i want have sex with him..when you will feel the same!
Then do it!
Don't be shy!Don't think the others!Don't do something that you don't want!
Enjoy life the way you want!!!
Is your choice..!
Virgin=Proud
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Dont worry about being a virgin no one knows by looking at you and most guys would find it quite sweet at your age. When we look for love we never seem to find it - take up a new activity and take your mind off dating for a while, love comes in the most unexpected places and you never know what's around the corner. x
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Just enjoy life and try not to become obsessed with this. We all move at different paces and some of us just ain't the type to instantly fall in love or mess around.
On the whole being a virgin is not a bad thing for a woman. What are you missing out on, being a single teen mom? Being used by lots of creeps as a sex-toy? Considering 99% of the posts by women here those things don't seem to be to enjoyable.
Do what you enjoy doing, make friends and some day some one might come along who loves you and who you love and then you might find that you are glad you didn't just lower your standards and lost it to some guy just so you could experience your first time before a certain age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): By the amount of questions we get from males really struggling to cope with their partners past i would think your a bit of a gem. Be sure to get a guy that hasn't had loads of meaningless relationship, or you will end up like all the other dead beats, hopping from one relationship to the next.
If you feel like the odd one though, just go out there and give yourself to the first guy you fancy, but remember you reap what you sow.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): There's not such a big stigma about being a female virgin for lots of guys. A portion of guys would actually prefer it if you wanna know the truth. (Especially if it doesn't mean that you're saving it.)
I know a lack of relationships can feel like a big deal, but don't sweat the virginity thing in particular so much. And honestly both of those things are probably a much bigger deal to you than to guys you might date.
People really only joke about too-old virgins because there is so much collective baggage about virginity and numbers of sexual partners in general. No matter what your virginity or sex partners status might be, that status is bound to feel unsuitable for at least SOMEBODY else in the room.
The too-old virgin is only the subject of ridicule at two times: When everyone is first losing it in their teens (and half of everyone silently still IS a virgin), and then again in your 30s or beyond when everyone is so far along in life that it seems amazing to come across a real virgin anymore. And in the older situation, it's definitely not something to be embarrassed about at all.
In most guys eyes, it's a hell of a lot better for a girl to have too little experience than too much.
Just search this website for questions with guys struggling to deal with their GFs' past sex lives if you have the slightest doubt about this.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Hi there,
I really wouldnt worry if I were you. But keep positive. Only the most shallow of individuals will be put off by a limp and a little extra weight ( and a lot of us guys prefer our girls to have some meat on their bones )
The worst thing you could do is start to be self conscious about it as it will look like a warning beacon before long.
20 is very young. I was my ex's first boyfriend and she was 21 when I met her and a virgin! She thought the same as you.
So stick to your guns, but the key thing is to try and do things you normally wouldnt think of. Clubs are great way to meet people. Or take a course in something. I found when you study part time you develop very close and friendly relationships with your classmates . When I did a night course we would all go out for a drink after class . t was a great way to meet people.
Get yourself out there and keep positive. That's the key.
good luck.
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