A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, thanks in advance for reading this:)So I have really disappointed myself. I have been dating a guy for a while, and we have had our differences, but lately things were perfect. We celebrated my birthday last week and it was great, the whole week we saw eachother...things just were getting better and better. All of the things we had complained about started to change, we changed.Well valentines day, I wanted to have a great day. Just for once I wanted to have a special Vday because I never have before. I told him lets do someting simple, so we decided dinner and a movie. He gets off work, comes over, im getting ready. He is online trying to pay some bill that was going to be due, and he couldn't get on so it took about an hour. Well somehow the theaters were all closed around us. So that ruined that plan, He also ate dinner before he picked me up...at his house when he went home to change. So I was starving. He suggested we go to mcdonalds and grab me food. I was kind of annoyed...I just found it weird with the time i put into my appearance, and with the movie not working out. So anyways he was like lets go by the ocean, but it was really cold and I had no jacket(plus already have a cold). I politely declined. Honestly I felt like the mood was ruined, because he was having an attitude with me about everything. So he says lets go to starbucks, I say its ok...hes like oh yea ur hungry. Im thinking were gonna go to a restaurant, but no he pulls into mcdonalds. So Im like ok whatever, and when its time to pay, I pay for my own food (pnly six bucks, but it felt weird) I got annoyed and I was close enough to my house that I said u know what, ill walk home....Because I didn't want to snap...I needed the walk, but he followed me and said please let me take u home atleast, so finally I went in his car, We park, talk a bit about how things went wrong, Im really annoyed like really you couldnt even pay for the mcdonalds? And he says he didnt knwo hwat to do since i was complaining and acting mad. Well I go into my apt i say u know what this isnt what i planned, shut my door. 20 min later i hear knockin, hes telling me i forgot my drink. He really came because he felt bad and wanted to talk...so we talk and he was kind of blaming me for the way things turned out, and how busy he was. it got really bad, I told him all I wanted was to feel good that night and celebrate what we felt for each other in a nice way. It's not even about the restaurant but just sitting down in a good atmosphere and talking enjoying each other. He felt embaressed and said he didnt want that to be how my night turned out, but all the arguing made it go downhill and he didnt know what to do. We just put on a dvd at home, and he never really apologized. I got annoyed and told him that I don't think I can deal with him. I get up to sit on my couch away from him. He then gets up and tells me im crazy, and he kind of disses my place(im a student, struggling a lot at the moment, dnt have the best apt) He tells me how he invests so much time and money into me but I don't realize it. How I dont realize the good he does. Then he has to diss my life, I got hurt and said sometihng mean to him. I ended up pulling him and slapping him in the face. He then left and went home. I cried like crazy, I couldnt beleive what I did. I have dated before even longer than with this guy, and never hit. I felt like a monster. Although he hurt me, I felt like I completly disrespected him my slapping him... I felt sad, like he doesn't deserve to be slapped. I called him crying and apologized, he said I was crazy...he was going back home and not coming back. Today he texts me, not a lot but a little. I offered to do a favor for him(notihng big just dropping something off somewhere for him since he was at work). I didnt do it to get him to accept me again. I just felt after putting my hands on someone, I have to show in some way that I am sorry. So anyways...the situation is just weird. It's almost like I don't want him to come back to me because I am ashamed of slapping him. I feel like it ruined the loving person that I was to him. People always say how gentle and sweet I am, and I turned into a monster. It even shocked me...I want to seek counseling even though it was once...because I never want to do that to anyone again. Even if I am a tiny girl, and he is a man, its still wrong. I love him, he offered before the arguement to make up vday for me on the weekend when he has more free time. Now he is talking to me, he even called, but its distant. He says hes disappointed in me. I understand that. It hurts, I just don't know where to go from here. Could it ever be good again? Guys once a girl slaps you, do you ever trust her again? As much as I care for him, I don't want him to see me as a monster and come back to me. If we were to get back we would have to work things out, and it would have to be a fresh start. We both made mistakes in how we treated each other, the slapping was just over board. I just dont know if I should even want to get back with him...
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 You're already kicking your own butt over slapping him, so Im not going to say anything else to that. Other than I don't think you need counseling if this was a one time off, and the way you react to it tells me you have your head screwed on right. You lost your temper. It happens to everyone. Not that it's ok, but we are only human.
The way your relationship (if you even call it that, you just said you're dating him) is working is disturbing though. Him having to make up for valentines in the first place isn't a good sign. Things don't get "made up" in my book. Things turned bad, and nothing he does later will mean what happened will go away. And nothing you do of favours to him will make the slapping go away either. But the troublesome part here is that you do not communicate well with each other, you seem to have a relationship that goes on a day to day basis, no one will know how next week will be, if it's gonna be a good day or not etc.
That's the sound of a troublesome relationship to me, when you don't know where you have the person. Like going on a blind date every time you are out. Not knowing how he will react, not knowing if somethings small will make the night go sour and end in a fight. It's stressful, and it adds so much pressure to be perfect, walking on eggshells around each other, spending most of the time trying to sort out misunderstandings and arguments.
I'd leave the relationship if I was you. It's hard because the mind keeps thinking "but it will get better, what if it gets better". Don't let yourself get fooled. Things don't "get better" like that. If you don't have a great relationship then forcing yourself to be with him will not make a great relationship. Working on yourself, and finding someone who actually makes you happy, thats what will result in a great relationship. Someone who understands that when you plan for dinner and a movie he wont eat before meeting you. That's just stupid. Someone who understands that when you have a date, on valentines not the least, and when he knows YOU wanted something nice, he wont take you to McDonalds!
Bottom line: you want this man to be someone he's not. You want a guy who treats you to that 6 bucks burger at McDonalds. Then find that guy! Don't waste yoru time being upset and angry that this current guy wont be a perfect man to you. Just let this guy go, and he can find someone who doesn't mind going to McDonalds on Valentines even if she's dressed up fancy. There's nothing wrong with you for wanting something else, but see that in the eyes: you want something else. You don't want this. Walk away.
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