A
male
age
51-59,
*oolguy
writes:My wife of 16 years was cleaning out the basement and she found some old family pictures. I joking asked if she found the nude photos and she says "I don't know where those are or if I even have them any more"! My heart almost jumped out of my chest. She has denied ever doing that with anyone other than me. I played it cool as if I have known about these all along. It turns out that she never found anything so I began asking her to tell me about them, It really made me horny to think she did in fact do this with another person. I am not mad or looking for a reason to split or anything. She began asking how I know that there was any pics. I told her that when she said she didn't know where they were that implied there was some. She then tried to say she was referring to our collection pics but we both know where those are kept. Then she started on this I don't remember anything about it. She was so close to telling me about these but then when she realized I found out by just fishing so to speak she clammed-up and began to deny everything. The only reasons I can think she won't tell or show me is one in so many words doesn't kiss and tell with anyone else. OR she was involved with this while we were married or while we were dating and would like to tell me but is afraid it might open a can of worms so to speak. Any advice from anyone would be appreciated. I want her to tell me all about this, if I can.
View related questions:
horny, nude pictures Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Perhaps she will share the nude photo thing with you, but don't push her on it. I'm sure that there are some things that my wife never told me, but I know what is most important - that she has never cheated on me since marriage and not since we both became committed to each other. That's what really counts. I don't think that she ever did anything worse than what I already know about her. You wife probably also never did anything that terrible or cheated on you. Let it go for a while and then try to bring the discussion in a gentle was in a few weeks. Hopefully she will eventually tell you what actually happened. It still seems to me that it was not that terrible since she was so eager at first to admit to it. Perhaps it is something innocent that she is a bit ashamed of.
Not to worry you, but I can envision different things that could have happened with her friend when drunk. Perhaps they got nude and took some photos. I think that if my wife did that, she would think it was funny, but would be ashamed to allow anyone to see them. I just asked my wife what she thought and she agreed that she would probably be a bit ashamed to show them to me. I, personally, would think it was funny. Even if there was some guy in the photos, it would be unlikely that there was sex involved. People do stupid things when drunk and would rather forget about them ever having happened.
A
male
reader, poolguy +, writes (22 March 2009):
poolguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, you are probably right. Its funny you mentioned that. The first time i really questioned her on that she said she didn't even remember the girls name she used to hag around with! And she did also say something about they used to get drunk together so maybe once the camera came out who knows. I talked to her again last night about this. I came right out and asked her if she at anytime ever posed nude for a photographer for money. Her reply was no but she would like to have a painting done. I couldn't believe it! I said well what about a professional photographer. She said OK as long as they're tasteful. So believe it or not we have an appointment next week for do just that she will pose for a nude photo shoot with a photographer!! I will be with her and it should be fun. I wonder if after that she will share her past pics?? What do you think??
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Based on how you describe her initial reaction and the way that she admitted to the nude photos, I very much doubt that it was something she has done since the 2 of you have been married and not likely since you 2 have been together. If it did involve someone else, it was probably before the 2 of you dated. Perhaps it was not with any guy. Perhaps she did some nude modeling. Some women do that to get money for college. I can only guess, but it could easily be something that did not relate to any cheating on you. Actually, it probably is. Don't start to think the worst. It might turn out to be something you don't particularly like, but it is probably not nearly as bad as your mind is wondering to now.
Believe me, I went through something similar. When my wife wanted to tell me about her sexual past, without my ever asking, she made herself sound much more promiscuous than she was. The more we talked, the more I understood that it was just a brief time in her life that she acted in a way that was not like her at all. It is too easy to allow your mind to dream up all types of terrible scenarios that never happened.
...............................
A
male
reader, poolguy +, writes (21 March 2009):
poolguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, it is eating at me. I am being patient and trying not to pry and realize she will tell me when she is ready. The problem is that your mind begins to wonder like where was I? Why wasn't I involved, was it with my best friend. Then what else is there. But I do know the truth can also coarse problems but right now I'd rather know and move on. I explained to her over and over that I'm not mad and won't get mad at what ever she confesses to but she still denies everything. I can't let this go and I'm really not mad I just want the truth and if she has a need that wasn't getting filled maybe I can work on that. When she continually denies everything there's not much I can do. Normally, if she looks me in the eye and tells me something I believe her 100% but this time she has changed her story or least three times based on what I knew it seemed. Thanks for the feed back keep them coming.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): poolguy, sadly you need to know the truth. but once you get that full confession, what are you going to do with it? can your wife trust you to be "kind" to her? how then do you start perceiving your wife? does she have reason to withhold this info from you because she knows that you will not receive these pictures well.
either way it's eating at you, you want to know and sadly need to know the truth. How will this affect your marraige. I am sure 16 years with your wife, you love her. but can you FORGIVE HER. Please do not make the mistake so many do, by throwing this in her face every time there is an argument.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Let me tell it from a guy's point of view. There have been many questions on this board where a girlfriend or wife has told her partner some things about her past. A lot of the times she is the one to bring up the subject. This happened to me with my wife when we were first dating. She had a need to tell me about her past. I never asked. After she got her confession out she didn't want to talk about it any more. That is very cruel. She gets it off her chest and onto her partners and then doesn't want to help him cope with the news. Guys sometimes do this too, but not to the extent that women do it. It's probably because women hold more guilt from things that they have done that they wish they hadn't done.
The situation here is different, but similar. The revelation was an accident for both of them. Now what do they do with the news? From my experience, they are going to have to discuss it at some point in time. If not, he is going to wonder about it. He is going to be afraid that it happened since they have been together. The truth has to come out or it will cause inadvertent problems. Telling him to just forget about it is just simplistic. Yes, that's the best thing to do, but not as easy as people seem to make it sound. We have to be realistic about people's feelings on the subject of relationships.
Poolguy, I am afraid that this will continue to bother you until you know the whole story. If she never wishes to discuss it then you will probably put it to the back of your mind after a time. You will probably think of it intermittently though. Things like this can never be resolved until there is an honest discussion between the 2 parties. My wife and I finally discussed both of out pasts in detail and it helped both of us a lot to understand each other better. Some couples have had the opposite results with discussions and finding out. I believe that the past is best not discussed, but once one of the parties brings it up then it is necessary to discuss it fully.
It appears that this news was accidental and not the fault of either one of you. Now you have to give her time to want to discuss it with you. However, I think that you need to gently tell her that you really need to discuss this subject and put it to rest.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (21 March 2009):
She knows you want to know. If she wants to tell you (or show you) she will do so in her own time. Just enjoy the fantasy, forget about and let sleeping dogs lie. Pestering her will only create problems. While it is a nice romantic ideal to think "we are couple with no secrets" I'm sure there are one or two of your own that you are conveniently forgetting about. This is the real world, every couple have a few secrets, so just accept her as human and be happy you have a good relationship.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): respect your wife - some things are best left as secrets. let her do what she wants with them - you have her heart now. to do anything else will betray her. to force her to tell you is the same as being in the inquisition...and you aren't.
you have a loving relationship so love the fact it doesn't matter.
star.x.
...............................
A
male
reader, poolguy +, writes (21 March 2009):
poolguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Yes, you right about the past being dangerous. Its just I have told her everything about me no matter how embarrassing because we always said we would not have an secrets. But when this came up I sort of thought she really want to share this with me in her own way. I tried to make a caring plea to share this with me and that I am not mad I think its sexy but no luck. She went into this denial mode. She has change her position 3 time on this. First, I don't know where that are, then I was referring to our pics, then just flat-out there isn't any! I'd have to say there are some.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): respect your wifes wishes. The past is a dangerous place to walk.... why not talk to her and tell her its ok and if she did then cool but you prefer the ones you have now.
Star.x.
...............................
|
