| A ,
anonymous
writes:
Perhaps you can help? I have found myself in utter despair feeling like a mix between a 16 yr old in love and a helpless animal completely uncertain about what I should do. For a man in his forties this is pathetic, yet I cannot get rid of the feelings and upset.
The problem is is that a year ago I discovered that my wife suffers from a terminal illness and was given 7-10 yrs to live. When I discovered this I simply did not know what to do. Eventually I managed to regain my calm and focused on one day at a time.
However at work an exceptionally beautiful and intelligent woman started to take an interest in me. I have never been very good in this area, and while flattered - if I'd been a single man oh boy - I realised that I have a duty to my wife, her decline will be long and slow and this is definitely not the time to be a complete bastard. However this woman kept on pursuing me. I just did not know what to do. I knew I had to say something to her. But as usual my gutless, pathetic self could not do anything.
Increasingly I found my emotions being pulled towards this goddess. But I knew that I should behave like a gentleman and keep to my duties. However my lack of guts has now finally upset this person and who it appears does not want to speak to me. I did not want to do this God help me. I respect this woman's opinions as a work colleague. Yet I still want to explain to her why I can't even though I desire her. She really has caught hold of my heart strings. What it feels like is being caught between a future with nothing but misery to come and the opportunity to have a life.
I just don't know how to deal with this. The stress of how to deal with this was tearing me apart.
J
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Kelly, writes (24 January 2005): Hi. I'm in a simmilar situation to the 16 year old you are seeing.I'm seeing a man who is older than me. I'm only 20 and he is in his mid 30's. We have been seeing eachother for just over a year and 6 months ago he told me that the reason he can't leave his wife for me is because she is terminally ill.At the time I knew it would be hard to deal with but it is a nightmare. I love him more than anything in the world but his guilt means he has stopped saying he loves me. He feels he is betraying he by making any plans with me but he tells me he still wants to be with me when all this is over.If you really love this girl don't do what my man had done to me. If you really want to stay with he stay honest and open to her and yourself. Don't let the guilt take over! Sometimes we fall in love at the most inapropriate times. Make sure this girl knows how you feel about her because believe me, you may think its hard watching your wife die and what the goddess is going thru is nothing in comparison but thats far from true. It raises all kinds of feelings that hurt like hell.Hope this helps. Take care.
A reader, Nina, writes (23 January 2005): Dear J,Don't be ashamed of what your feeling for this "goddess". It's only natural to have feelings for someoen else, especially when you think of living on wihtout your wife. I think the best thing to do is to sit down wiht the goddess and explain to her that your flattered but you feel obligated to stick wiht your wife, at least til she has peacefully passed away, and then pursue a relatiojship wiht the goddess. I hope this helps.
...............................
|
