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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi Dear Cupid, please could you help me with my problem. Any advice would be gladly appreciated.After 18years me and my partner have broken up. He has been living with another woman for the last two years, but he has been in regular contact with me. At first I thought we could remain friends, and I asked him to ask his girlfriend if this was ok. She went mad, they had a big arguement and she said she didn't want him contacting me under any circumstances. He has ignored her wishes and he keeps calling me and visiting me every couple of months. Last weekend I told him not to call again for at least a year. Now I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I miss him. My question is, why would he keep in contact with me if he lives with somebody else, and did I do right in telling him to stay away. Thanks for any advice and help given to my situation. I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, but I think maybe I did the right thing. Help! Why did he continue to call and will he do what I said?
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (8 November 2008):
 P.S. You ARE doing the right thing.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (8 November 2008):
I think that is wonderful! I have a lot of respect for your efforts. And once again, THANK YOU.
My situation... I see NO evidence anywhere showing that my BF is having any contact with his ex wife. What a relief for me. As a result, our relationship is getting better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ShandyGirl, I hope your situation gets better one day and you and your guy can move on without the past interfering in your life.
I'm just back to check on the date. Well it's over 3 months, and I haven't had no contact from him. I thought it would be easier, I thought it had been longer, ah well, I'm doing it, I'm cutting contact with him for good.. :^)
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (30 September 2008):
And... On behalf of his girlfriend, THANK YOU for being a decent person. XXXXX
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (30 September 2008):
Good Girl!! I don't know you, but I am very proud of you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Aunts and Uncles... I keep returning to this po to keep me strong.. Things are actually much worse since I told him to stay away.. I think about him more and miss him every day..
I won't give up.. I owe it to his new girlfriend, I want him to move on and I need to finish this relationship and start a fresh life without him..
I had a birthday the other day.. I made myself unavailable, I don't know if he called... This is the first time in 21years that I haven't shared my birthday with him.. I'm missing him so much. But I willing to fight, because we both deserve happiness in life. His girlfriend is an innocent party, and I can't see any other way to stop our obsession with each other and make this relationship finished for the long term..
Thank you all for your kind words and support.. Anytime I get weak.. I read your words and it makes me more determined to cut him out of my life.. Thank you very much, each and every one of you.. I couldn't do this alone, but with your support I can let my ex go and show his girlfriend respect and get on with my life..
Two months.. Hey.. only another 10 months to go.. I can do it, cause I got fabulous people like you all to help me.. Thank you so much. I know it will get easier, it's just a little hard right now.
Thank you for all your kind words.. I didn't expect that.. and I promise you.. I won't let you down.. I won't get weak... I will sort this thing out..
Thank you again for being so nice to me and giving me kind words and support.... I can do this.. I'm fighting for happiness in the long term, this unhappiness is just a little moment in time.. Thanks you guys, your great..
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): I agree with Emily...18 years is a long time. Whether he loves you or not, its still close contact that you've had in the past. He probably knows you better than anyone. I'm not planning to leave 12 years of friendship with the people I've been at school with for that length of time and won't see everyday anymore.
Not quite the same thing...but yeah...
I think 1 year away from him is a tall order. You obviously still love and care about him and sometimes it takes a while to get over someone. But your obsessed. Its been 2 years and nothings changed.
Break it down. If your in contact with him then it might allow you to stop thinking about the fact he's gone, and be able to move on to someone else.
You can't fight feelings head on. You can break them down slowly, which maybe what you've been doing for 12 years.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (18 July 2008):
I agree with the anonymous answerer below....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Have been in a similar situation and did a similar thing when I realized my ex was calling me when his wife was out of town. If your ex does call, you have to discourage him by not picking up, or if he catches you, keep conversations as short as you can ("I told you not to call! You are not respecting me. If you have something to say, save it until next July. No hard feelings, but bye now.") You can't reward him by having a long involved conversation. He has to realize that he has to go to his new girlfriend to get his needs filled, not shop a bit from this one and a bit of that from the other.
It was very wise to not to say NEVER to contact you, but to space things out by a year. Otherwise, he will keep picking at the wounds you have left on each other and there will never be time to heal. Good job, keep it up!
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (18 July 2008):
I Love You! Thanks for being a GOOD person!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Shandygirl,
It's nice to hear the otherside. We were deeply in love, but I know he loves her more because he lives with her now. I always think about how she must feel, and I've been hating myself to put up with this thing. I told him to go away for a year, I couldn't say go away for ever, and for this I feel bad. But I'm hoping after a year, we both will heal and forget and move on with life. I would hate to hurt another woman, because I'm a woman too. No man should try to play one against the other, it's just not fair. Thanks for your words. She hates me, and this I understand, your post has given me strength and I know I'm doing the right thing. Thanks again, my tears have dried up and now I feel strong.
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (18 July 2008):
I am in the same situation, exept I am the girlfriend. My BF can't visit his ex wife because she lives in a different state,and is remarried with a child. I told her to leave us alone, but she won't. I HATE her for not respecting my feelings. And I am resentful towards him too.
I respect you for pushing him away. Good Girl!
I was married for 17 years. I have no desire to talk to my ex, even though he is pretty much, a good person. Sometimes I miss him, but my moto is "When it is over, it is OVER!" And when it is over, let your ex go on with his life, and, you also. Give his girlfriend a stressless fighting chance, by staying away from him.
Me being the "girlfriend," I KNOW that it isn't fun putting up with such a situation. And it hurts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Emily,
Your kind words have really helped. OK, I can do that. I will try to move on. Thank you again.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 July 2008):
Well he probably misses you. 18 years of friendship is going to be hard to lose overnight even if there are no other feelings of love involved.
However, he has to respect his new girlfriend and if he keeps getting in touch with you even though he knows that will hurt her then he's not being very nice and you have to question his motive.
You are doing the right thing and being a good and nice person by considering her feelings about you. It's just a same he isn't as good and nice a person as you. I think you are going to be better off without him in your life any way because it gives you a chance to get over him properly and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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