A
male
age
41-50,
*ying_indio
writes:I've been talking to this girl online for about 8 months. We were cyber-dating. We talked on messenger, myspace, text message or phone every day or two. We made vague plans a few months ago to meet up in the summer and the subject had been mentioned a few times between then and now.The other day, I asked her shouldn't we make some firm plans to meet? She said that she hadn't really thought about it and I told her that she always says something like that. She apologized, but then I told her that it was very confusing for me. She said "I know" and then wanted to change the subject. I quit talking to her. We talked a little more and it was the same story of her saying that she never said that she didn't want to meet, just that she never thought about it and various excuses.I'm quite upset over this situation as I'd just gotten a new job to make sure that I'd have the money for us to meet. What I don't understand is why she would waste so much of her time (1-3 hours a day) on a guy that she didn't even want to meet? Doing it for attention almost makes sense, but then she wouldn't have agreed to meet as I'd obviously quit talking to her when she refused to meet. Does anyone have any clues?Just to make it all more confusing - she'd been extremely sweet and attentive since her birthday a few weeks ago. I sent her about $20 worth of gifts and she said she'd done some "thinking". I never knew what she thought, but she'd be much more into since then; which makes this all the more confusing. How does this all make sense?For the record, she is in her early 20s and I'm in my mid 20s.
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reader, dying_indio +, writes (23 March 2008):
dying_indio is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, keep them coming :)@Anon - I think that she is who she says she is. I've figured out a few of the liars that I've talked to online. She didn't really paint a perfect picture of herself or have supermodel looks, so her being a full on internet fake doesn't make much sense to me. I could be way off base though.@Vegas - I know from some conversations that she has messed with some guys minds and been of poor moral character in the past. That is in part why we were set to meet outside of both of our home states. I wanted to be sure I was worth her traveling for (and vice versa). After her not even having thought about it - despite it having been broached on numerous occassions - I see very little reason to meet her anymore. Driving 700 miles to be stood up would be a little much for me. My trust in her is all but gone now. If she were nervous, she could have just told me? I'm sure she could get off of work with 5 months advance notice as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Have you ever considered that she might not be who she says she is and that is why she doesn't want to meet you? Even if you have seen a photo, spoken to someone on the phone, etc. you still don't really know who is on the other end.
I met a woman through my volunteer work who spends hours online and on the phone with men she has met online. She has a photo online that isn't her, she uses a name that isn't hers and almost everything she tells them is lies. They think she is a 30 something year old with Crest white teeth and black hair. In reality she is 50 something and more or less bedridden by her weight. These men send her gifts, money, etc. and she always has an excuse for why she can't meet them. The one guy who actually showed up at her house never got to see her because she told him she had just got home from work and was too tired to come out. He had driven several hundred miles.
I am not saying this is the case in your situation, but you never know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Maybe she's just nervous about meeting you or can never really find the time . Or thinks maybe she's not good enough for you or somthing like that. but like you said she could just be doing to get the attention she wants. Maybe she likes to mess with good guys' heads ? who knows . Yous should straight up ask her does she ever want to meet you or not . If no then move on honey. If so ask her to make an offical date, time and place for you guys to meet.IF she doesn't want to meet you then it's her loss and you can move on to better girls that like you and want to spend the time with you I hope I helped you in some way. I hope everything works out for you . Good luck !:)
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