A
female
age
36-40,
*.Maria.S
writes:I'm struggling immensly with my current relationship. Feb. 15th was our 4 year anniversary. I became hurt when for the first time in our relationship, he said that Valentine's day was just another day and it meant nothing. He has also had little to no sex drive unless I whine too much-at which point, the sex is quite to the point, unromantic and not satisfying in the least. He all of a sudden, dislikes cuddling up next to me and gets irritated when I try cuddling up to him. I feel rejected, hurt unattractive and unloved. If I bring this up, he gets annoyed and gets mad that I'm questioning his love. HOWEVER, he does still do little things. He'll buy me my favorite chocolate if he sees it. He'll make me breakfast, dinner and so on. ANd now to add on top of these negative feelings, is an immense guilt that these things may be caused by depression. If anyone has heard of facebook or anything, I rare get on it, but my bf does. You can update your status and such. I got on not long ago to see that his status was updated to "Bryan is dead?" and his past status' were "Bryan is a loser" and "Bryan is sh*t" His journal says that he gives up on life and now in one of his signatures, he's calling himself a broken man who wants more than what he has here. I thought I knew what was wrong and I've been trying for the past few days to get him to open up to me like he used to. He makes jokes about it or ignores me trying to help. He says he's fine and doesn't need help yet other times he'll admit subtly that he's not happy. How do you help someone who doesn't want help? Now I feel awful for not realizing this stuff sooner. I feel like i'm letting him down. I don't understand why he doesn't trust me enough to tell me like he used to. I'm in college with a heavy work load and as selfish as this sounds, his depression is dragging me with him. I'm falling behind and missing classes because I'm so worried. He's been on medication before for anxiety/depression and he used to be a cutter. His recent comments and journal entry concerns me because it almsot seems suicidal. At one point he mentioned needing a "tasty poison" I can't get through to him and we're over 18 so I can't force him into therapy nor could we afford it if I could. I'm at a total loss. I feel helpless, frightened and concerned. I want him to be happy and I'm also afraid that this will tear us further apart as we haven't been the closest as of lately anyway (possibly part of the depression) Seriously-how can you help someone who simply refuses to be helped.
View related questions:
anniversary, facebook, sex drive, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Cutters need medication and intesive therapy. They need to be seeing a therapist once a week. They need to be reminded and kept on track. Therapists have techniques and excercises for the individual to use when they are feeling down, low, and out of sorts with reality. They need the once a week recharging.
There are always answers and solutions even when there is little money.
Time to head to the yellow pages and explain your situation. In my city there are programs that take Students into consideration and some colleges have a health plan that covers such expenses.
What of any services on your campus? I'd check that out and speak to a counsellor there.
It is very common for a partner/spouse to suffer from depression when their partner has it as well. So make sure you are okay; see your family doctor.
In the end, you can only give so much of yourself before you feel engulfed and you lose yourself.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 February 2007):
 He needs to be checked out by a doctor and maybe put back on medication. Only he can do this. All you can do is be encouraging and maybe go with him if he does make an appointment. But you are right, you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Good luck.
...............................
|
