A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need help with a very frustrating relationship problem I have. I've been with this guy for a little over a year now and at first he just seemed absolutly perfect, he was extremely nice, caring, fun, good looking, but now whenever I'm around him I just feel so insecure. You see in the beginning we both decided to wait on sex and just take things slow, which was extremely hard for both of us because we just couldn't take our hands off each other. Then after a about two to three months we both decided we were more than ready, we began to regularly have sex, amazing sex. Then I slowly noticed on odd pattern begin to unravel. We'd have these long dry spells of weeks or even up to two and a half months of abosolutly nothing. Then even worse than that, whenever we did have sex, I'd always be the one initiating it, and we'd wouldn't do any foreplay, it would always be rushed and doing the same position. Most of time I wasn't even satisfied afterwards. His excuses for this are always the same, "I'm Too tired" or "I'm just not in the mood right now". Yet right after that he would go to his room and jerk off to internet porn. This really hurt me and made me feel unwanted, and keep in mind I am considered by most to be extremely attractive. And I've tried everything to get him "in the mood", sexy underwear, dirty talk, asking what exactly it is that he "likes",but nothing changed. After a while of this someone just suggested that I just explain to him how I feel. Which I did, I let him know that I know he's a guy with "needs", but that It hurt me that he'd rather go on the computer and masterbate instead of have sex with me. He tried making me feel better, saying that of course he's attracted to me, he did make some effort in the bedroom, which was nice for a little while, but now it's back to the same routine again. I don't know what to do anymore, I truely do love him, other than sex he's such an amazing boyfriend, I want to stay with him, but I dunno If I want to be in a relationship where I feel so insecure and unsatisfied. Please is there anyone else with advice or whose been through something like this who could help me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): hi,
i'm going through a similar situation. while we havent had dry spells for that long, i have been the one initating things mostly and i have been rejected because hes "not in the mood" or "too tired". it just makes me feel so insecure and unattractive, and then i come off as needing reassurance, and he can tell that i am insecure and he says that doesnt make him feel any more close to him it pushes him away. and i feel like its a vicious cycle. we're just nearing our one year anniversary and i'm feeling pretty worried that we've lost the spark of attraction and hes just getting tired or bored of me. i love him so much and he is the perfect guy but i know intimacy is an important thing in a relationship. i really just want someone to talk to about this and although i cant give you much advice i just wanted to let you know i get where your coming from. ive heard that i should just ignore it and pretend it doesnt bother me and then hold off on him for a while so he knows what it feels like to be rejected...im probably going to be holding off for a long time but i think its important to keep an even playing field, as much as i always thought we had a relationship that was better than that, and we didnt need to play games and we could be free to be honest with each other, i guess that is coming to an end. i hope that you will become stronger with this issue, best of luck..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Hey,well, for one, you are a very brave and strong person because you opened up to him on a dleicate subject. Thats not easy for anyone. Has he told you the why he is tired or not in the mood?perhaps he is having personal problems and not letting you know about it and that is affecting his sex life. I would suggest you talked to him again, because it is obvious that the "getting him in the mood" approach was not so successful, and instead of guessing whats wrong, I think we can all agree that asking and talking is a much practical, intimate and fast way of discovering.Another possibility is to not have sex, and just be intimate inother ways. Cuddle with him, embrace him, kiss him gently. Sleep next to him..that kind of intimacy.Then maybe after a while bring it to touching his body. As you said, no foreplay was involved, and maybe he'd rather have some of that for a change like you. hope it helped.best of luck!
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