A
female
age
36-40,
*eaches08
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. During this time, he has left me a total of 3 times, the last time being mere days ago.I'll try to keep this short, but the first time was because of this girl, she spread rumors they'd been kissing in school, i'd been with him 18months at this point. We split up and i was vile to him, called him all names under the sun., yet he denied anything ever happend. We got back together because i believed him and i let him come back. The second time was because he fell out of love with me. Two months later he blurted out that he was in love with me again. I have no idea how it happend but i agreed to take him back.This is also the reason for the third time. I found e-mails between him and a girl he's known for a few years and they practically said he had fallen for our mutual friend *becky. i was shocked, and at the time his friends were at his house, so i read everything, and calmly walked into his room gathered my things and shut the door behind me.He ran down the stairs wondering what was going on. I told him to get away from me and that i was going home.He then went frantic and asked what the hell was wrong, whats going on, etc. I told him what i had found and he insisted he had no idea what i was talking about. He never ever cries, and he started to, he was looking straight at me and he said it wasnt true, someone must be doing this etc and i sneered back that how could i believe him when he'd put me through everything.I texted becky and we are very close, and she was upset and said it was total rubbish.He insisted that he drive me home so that i was safe.When we got onto my drive, i asked him if he loved me. He said yes. Then i asked if he was still in love with me. He said he didnt know. I shouted at him that he could at least be straight with me now, and he said he didnt, and how he'd been trying to fight it for both of us.This sounded similar to the last time, i got very upset and i said this means youre leaving me again.He said he didnt want to hurt me anymore by not being the boyfriend he should be.We had a grown up relationship, hes recently got promoted, his parents are very difficult sometimes and i lost my job a few months back, ive put it down to this that its got too much for him.He says i havent done anything wrong, we just argue too much and that we both need to sort ourselves out.We are being nice to each other but i'm just so confused. He says he doesnt want me to wait and that i deserve someone who can treat me properly.I told him that i dont want anyone else and was he trying to do this so he can go off with someone he insisted this wasnt the case, that he needed time alone.Am i supposed to persue this, as when it works, we are so happy and he is everything i want and need.This is his first relationship so thats why ive been so forgiving in the past.I'm at a loose end and i just dont know what to do anymore. i know i'm only young but i love him so much, he's hurt me very deeply. I just want to have him back. He makes me feel complete. Any advice would be very much appreciated.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Thanks for your update.
Glad that you are communicating with each other and being friends again. Forgive and forget. It is just a misunderstandings due to your age and inexperience.
He called you and you missed his call and he had to call his friend. He was concerned and care about you and not checking on you .Don't look at things negatively.He still loves you otherwise he would not bother to make that call.
Congrats on your new job.
A
female
reader, peaches08 +, writes (10 January 2008):
peaches08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have since spoken to my ex, he is very upset and wishes he could make things better and he told me how he was fighting for it so much.We are friends and we have been texting.I arranged to meet a mutual male friend last night, to walk with them to another friends to watch a film. He wanted me to talk to him because he's heard nothing from my ex and he was worried about me.So anyway, it took us about an hour, and during this time, my ex had text me, and my friend, and also i had a missed call from him, and my friends phone rung and it was him.Now this is very strange for my ex, even my friend said so.It was like he was checking up on me, so i called him when we did get there asking what the problem was, nicely. He insisted he just wanted to make sure i got there ok. It was just weird really.I called him when i got home, because he'd asked me to, it was quite late so was just a short call.I said i'd had a good night and gently asked if he'd missed me today.. i wasnt expecting the answer to be 'yes i did'So, little baby steps i think.I'm keeping myself busy and i'm glad to say i start a new job tomorrow, so i'll have something else to concentrate on. I'm seeing my friends alot which is cheering me up.The next hurdle is seeing him next week at some point because he owes me some money, i said we could hang out and do something as friends.Thankyou for answers, it really helps to have a un-biased view of my situation. I'll keep updating as and when anything happens.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (10 January 2008):
You should not listen to what others said about your b/f unless you see with your own eyes or have concrete proof of his wrong doings. Sometimes , it is just a small matter that has been blown out of proportions.
You need to talk to your b/f first and find out from him . The first time you break up with him is because of some unfounded rumours that he kissed a girl. Even if it is the truth, you should not get so upset to break from him.
You should not be reading his e-mails. They could be just joking between friends.You did not ask him but just ran away from him. You need to confront him first and hear his views.You need to be more matured to deal with such issues.You cannot be acting like a teen princess .
If you want him back, you need to go to him and say you are sorry.When you asked him , whether he love you ,he answered yes.Then you asked if he still love you. In that confusing situation , his mind is not clear and he could have given you the wrong answer. He would go back and regret.
You think you are the only one hurt deeply. You are made of glass while your b/f is made of iron.He is flesh, blood and bones and have feelings too.You shoot so many arrows at him and it hurts him too.His heart is also bleeding .Be a nurse and go nurse his bruised ego.
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