A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so first a little background story. I met this guy through my sister, and all she did was speak great things about him. He had wanted to go out with her when he met her but she didn't like him, she liked his friend. So when I went to visit her she decided to hook us up. She had said so many good things about him that I said "why not?". After a week of meeting, he asked me out. I felt I should have said no, but I love my sister and it was her friend, so I said yes. I didn't like him at first, but with time I began to get attached. It was fun going out since it was two couples, me and my sister and the two guy friends which were our boyfriends. After a month of dating, he stared to pressure me about having sex, but I wasn't physically attracted to him. I was barely getting attached. I had made it clear from the beginning I was NOT going to have sex with him or anyone for that matter. I'm a bit old school and I would like to wait till marriage. After almost two months, I felt so pressured by him that I felt I had to get away. I decided to visit my grandmother in her town so I went away for a visit. In the beginning, I missed him. And I would wonder what he was up to and so on. But then, on a wonderful day, I met someone. I was originally going to stay for a few days, but I was so drawn to him I couldn't keep away. I ended up staying for almost a month! But during that time I was with him, I felt like there was nothing else in the world that mattered. Since the first time I saw him, I was captivated by him. And later I found out he felt the same way. He liked me for who I was rather than for appearance. I had told him before that I had a bf, and he respected that. Not once did he try to kiss me or do anything inappropriate. He told me he'd wait for me and that physical things didn't matter. It was like hearing what I was thinking. My happy, care-free world didn't last long since I had to go back to my city because the semester was going to start soon so I had no choice. But even before I left, every day he was the first thing on my mind, during the day all I wanted to do was be with him, and every night he was the last thought I had. And when we were together, I felt the hours passed way too fast and my heart just felt so filled with joy and so many beautiful feelings I can't describe. When I left I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart, like I was leaving a part of me and I couldn't stand it. When I finally got home, I looked for him like crazy. I missed his touch, his smell, his smile, everything! And the cruel reality hit me when my bf messaged me. I felt horrible because I didn't even feel a single drop of care for my bf. Then I broke up with him. I told him it was because I felt he didn't like me for me, that he only liked me for my body. He said he understood I needed time and left. He didn't even try to win me back. But that was fine by me. I know a break-up, regardless if you like that person or not, should be a sad thing, but I didn't feel a pinch of sadness. A couple weeks passed and my sister's bf (my ex's friend) told me my ex was asking for me, that he missed me and wanted to see me. But I really don't want to see him. And that's when it hit me, I felt guilty. I still feel guilty and I don't know what to do when I face him. I'm in love with the guy I met and he loves me back. I feel guilty so I don't want to tell my ex that I left him for someone else and that I'm in love with him. My ex thinks there is a chance for us to get back together, but there isn't. I don't know how to face him or what to tell him. I've even been keeping it a secret from my sister because she's honestly a little mad that I hurt one of her good friends. But my judgment is that my ex only went out with me because he couldn't get my sister and because he wanted me for sex. So why should I feel guilty over leaving him for a guy that loves and respects me? I don't even want to think of damaging my new relationship because of my ex, and much less hurting the most special man I've ever met. I'm going to have to confront him eventually, but the guilt makes me feel so lost and I don't know what to do...
View related questions:
a break, broke up, get back together, grandmother, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Let's go back to what you titled this post. You titled it "Why should I feel guilty over leaving him for a guy that loves and respects me?"Let's analyze this. You're leaving this guy, who tried to pressure you into having sex. You want to be with someone who loves and respects you.Do not feel guilty. You found someone that you love, why should you feel guilty? Because your sister set you up? Because you led your sister's friend on? Because your sister is upset that you hurt her friend?Here is where you set boundaries. Tell your sister you are not interested and if she doesn't want to feel hurt, tell her to stop setting you up with her friends. Tell your sister's friend that you are not interested and there is no chance in getting back together.
|
