A
female
age
41-50,
*lison210
writes:i would like some very urgent help with a problem please. For the past 2 and a half years i've been flirting with this man and he has been responding well i decided to tell him in a letter how i felt about him, well i saw for the first time about 3 weeks later and he seemed to be really formal well someone said maybe he didn't want to be has he was before because i said if he was spoken for i would back away. Well today he was getting on this bus has he is adriver and he just turned to me and said i don't do relationships me, well he turned round to me on the bus and he asked would i like to go with him to the place he was going for a ride well on the way he really opened himself up to me which he hasn't before in the last 2 years it's just been trivial stuff well he was telling me about this relationship he had come out of but that he was seeing someone else and he was saying that he got a text message from his ex trying to cause trouble he said i've told her i wouldn't cheat on her. I don't want him to believe me but why open up to me like that he hasn't been before, i want to cry but why cant i. I don't know what to do please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): He sounds like he is emotionally unavailable and has had some recent relationship trouble, is seeing someone else and still has issues with his ex. He is responding to your plea in your letter for something more than friendship, he is trying to explain to you why he is not interested or available, he is telling you it is his issues that are keepiing him from it, not that he doesn't like you....he just isn't saying it language that you can easily understand.
Don't take his opening up to mean that he wants you, he is opening up because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and totally reject you, and he sounds like he doesn't want you to waste your time and feelings on HIM.
I would let him be....if he wants you, he will find YOU, he KNOWS how you feel about him now, so don't let him take advantgage of that by stringing you along and involve yourself in his baggage, he isn't baggage free, isn't ready to be in a relationship with you, and may not feel the same about you as you do him.
You sound like a nice gal, find a guy who is emotionally available to you and wants the same thing, a relationship.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 I think this man thinks of you as a friend. He probably needed someone to talk to about his situation. He said he is spoken for so you should not expect anything more than friendship from him.
Try to find some other love interest who is available.
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