A
female
age
30-35,
*opstar
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend of four years about eight months ago. Things weren't going well for one whole year. That precisely happened a year after she joined a course. But she opted for break up a few months later.But we were in contact until recently. While talking once, I could make her speak about her new boyfriend, a senior from that new course she joined. She didn't tell that to me for a long time. And that was devastating. It came up during one of my exams, and I actually failed in that subject. I do not blame her for that, but for a person like me, who thought we were meant for each other, that was overwhelming. Our parents knew about us and our relationship. Dad even exchanged texts with her. I still wonder how I should tell him about this.Now a few days after the exam, after discussing it with a friend, I decided to write her a rebuking mail with a lot of flaming and a bit of swearing for what she did to me. Her over possessiveness, her insecurities. She too replied with an uproar, and I flamed back. I thought she'd never bother to contact.Since past past, she has sent texts a few times asking how I was doing. I never replied. She also called a few days ago, which I rejected then and there.I still haven't been able to forget her entirely. I don't know if this will even work out.I wonder why she is still trying to contact. Will this work out again? She was my first love. After four years, and now after this, will she ever want me back?
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female
reader, popstar +, writes (27 January 2012):
popstar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tisha, it was good reading your reply.
I don't think I'm trying to push her away. (maybe I am wrong). I didn't even bother to contact. But she did. It brings old things back. On the first thought, I don't want to go back to that again. On the second one, it just feels like she might change.
Hours just pass by even if I am trying to work ending up doing nothing substantial. This is hurtful. Friends say girls even if they're ex would want to know if I miss them or not.
I seriously want to move on. But something like a missed call or even a blank text gets me thinking and murky.
Should I just talk over? Will she talk without mean diplomacy?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 January 2012):
 It sounds as though you are very busy pushing her away, so no doubt she will go away. I don't think she will want you back after you flamed her, then ignored her. I would declare an end to hostilities and just allow the past to remain in the past.
Eventually, you will get over her; if you continue to have obsessive thoughts for a prolonged period then that would be an indication you need counseling.
Not all love stories have a 'happily ever after' ending, alas. But that means that you are available for a new love story, if you start to look forward instead of in your rear-view mirror.
Good luck.
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