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male
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*vensis
writes:hi andrew my question may sound strange but my wife is going through the menopause and she doesnt have much interest in sex but she will spend all night , everynight masturbating which she thinks i dont know about and then complains how tired she feelsshe never used to masturbate but now it is continuous , i have no proble with this as i do it all the time but why the sudden interest? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, James123 +, writes (20 October 2016):
This is the same for me, the onset of the menopause was started a little early by tamoxifen. We have sex infrequently these days because of erectile dysfunction on my part, although I have tablets, it's not always easy to plan when she really isn't in the mood. We do have oral sex about once a month. Yet when she thinks I'm asleep she'll masturbate all night long. I've confronted her about it, (confronted? Not as if she doing anything wrong). but she flat out denies it, says I'm imagining it and a major row ensues, but I know she is, the different patterns to her breathing. I know she is beginning to orgasm by her laboured breathing and little moans.This goes on most of the night, almost every night. Still trying to figure out what to do
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2014): This has happened to me with 2 wives. Usually after a few years into the marriage. At the beginning they would get off a lot but there would be lots of sex. Later, when there was less sex, they would get off in the middle of the night beside me. Sometimes touching me, most of the time not. With both, they disliked longer sex sessions, over 25 minutes or so. They really disliked an hour plus. To have long sessions, a lot of oral and little alcohol helps. When there is a lot of drinking involved, those areas get roughed up. That's when I noticed more midnight masturbation. I would suggest more quick sessions that were just oral or were just some hand action. I found more 'Make out' sessions provided more relief and less Midnight Masturbation. The positive is she is doing it with you in the bed. I confronted both if them. Guess what? No more Midnight fun. Except that I know that they were still doing it, just in secret. My advice is try different approaches. Good luck. J
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 I agree with Miamine as well. This is unhealthy to turn to masturbation and not have sex. I know you don't want to confront her as you're worried it will make her stop, but her stopping or at least doing it a lot less would be a good thing in this case. It's not a good sign in a marriage if both people are masturbating a lot but having very little sex.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Actually she may be dry and find sex uncomfortable.. see if you can tempt her into bed and use some lubricant... this is a brilliant time to learn more about her body.. forget about penetrative sex for a moment, just see if she'll allow you to masterbate her and show you how to do it well...
That might help her to get talking with you. Oral sex might be wonderfull for her too, if she likes that type of thing.. You need to show her that together you are stronger, where her alone may be weak.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): i agree with miamine. I stand by what i said, but i also agree that you two should be communicating about it. I missed the boat by not saying that. Good catch miamine. you would think if i was going to post the same thing twice...i could have said it better. :) mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): I did some research just for you [dont you feel special!] about menopause. And it is true that while a woman is going through menopause their libido will drop [this doesnt happen to every woman though]. Another thing I read is that the vagina can become dry therefore having sex would be very painful, maybe she masturbates all the time because its more comfortable for her than having sex. By the way the website I got this information is called:http://www.power-surge.com/educate/34symptoms.htmHope this helps!:]
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
Not good enough aunts.. if she was male you wouldn't be so understanding.. if she has sexual needs that aren't being met, how will her husband know if she dosen't discuss them...
You need to do the talk talk thing, and "I don't know, I'm tired, or there is no problem...." is not good enough.. She needs to tell you what is going on in her body and her mind.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
I have to be fair.. I am angry when men turn to masterbation and turn away from sex with their partner.. So I must be angry with your wife too.. This is not fair. If she has problems that she's hiding away from by using masterbation to decrease the anxiety, she must share them with you.
There is nothing wrong with masterbation, but avoiding your husband is pointing to something wrong. She's probably anxious because she is getting older, and using masterbation to find comfort, just like a baby uses a teddy bear..
Not good enough, that's what your there for. Talk to her, tell her you feel alone and lonely, remind her your there to hold her, love her and see to her needs if she is feeling frightened about anything...
It's not fair she leaves you out of her fears.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Shes doing it because her hormones have kicked into overdrive, and she is horny. At the same time she wants release, her body is also changing and the things that have always worked with you are not working the same. Dont worry about this one as long as you two are doing ok. I would make sure she feels that you desire her and love her. Mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Shes doing it because her hormones have kicked into overdrive, and she is horny. At the same time she wants release, her body is also changing and the things that have always worked with you are not working the same. Dont worry about this one as long as you two are doing ok. I would make sure she feels that you desire her and love her. Mal
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male
reader, avensis +, writes (21 August 2010):
avensis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your help ,it is appreciated
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): she does this every night because she might be having some crazy thoughts about sex which she cant tell it to u so she thinks of them and does this
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reader, person12345 +, writes (21 August 2010):
I think you need to talk to her about it. Maybe she's feeling dissatisfied with some aspect of the sexual relationship, maybe she's gotten really horny from menopause but is embarrassed, maybe she's gotten addicted to masturbation, there are a ton of things it could be. Maybe if you both masturbate a little less and have a little more sex things would change in terms of her interest in sex.
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