A
female
age
30-35,
*essibell
writes:So... Today... Has been a pretty bad day. To start off the day...i almost lost my guy friend. He decided it was ok to talk to his ex gf. I done told him I don't care who he talks to but he insists tht he didn't want me to have any guy friends...lesbians...nor bisexuals.... So that leaves me with like...NO ONE!... Then tornado warning.....almost a touchdown.... I called him to make sure he's safe and he gets annoyed because i have to go.... He gets mad at me so easily, or maybe i just get hurt way to easily...either way....im going to the zoo saturday and he's refusing to go because my family is going with me....im like what? Really? But i love him so i put up with EVERYTHING!! This friday im hanging with his family then just him and i....why do i seem to be the only one wanting this to work??)":
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2012):
 Ok OP I can see you aren’t really looking for help just validation that taking emotional abuse is ok.
You say love at first sight is not a fantasy… look at your dad and his NEW girlfriend.. how long have they been together?
I’m glad Ryan has not hurt you physically,
I guess the fact that he’s not trying to make the relationship work and that he hurts you emotionally is ok with you.
I guess the fact that YOU are the only one rowing this relationship boat is ok with you.
I guess that the fact that you are making an effort and he is not is ok with you
If that’s the case, well then best of luck to you…
A
female
reader, Jessibell +, writes (19 October 2012):
Jessibell is verified as being by the original poster of the question All i've seen my whole life is people fighting and shit i should be in therapy with how everyone treated me. My grandfather sat there...looked me straight in the face and told me no man will ever love no man will stick around. I'm excited to be a mom. Yes im excited for all that. It doesn't scare me that i'll give everything to a child....a child is a blessing a gift... And ryan? Yeah I'll be his supporter always.Also...love at first sight AINT a fantasy. It just happends to certain people...like my dad and his new girlfriend. She just fits. I fit into ryan's family.... Yeah he pushes my buttons, but i do love him. He hasn't ever hurt me physicallyi do love him and he loves...me...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): "why do i seem to be the only one wanting this to work??)":"
Because you are the only one wanting this to work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2012):
You have known him two months and are having problems already? RED FLAG ONE
You say that you would kill yourself if you stop loving him? that the statement alone is a serious red flag and that I’m going to strongly recommend therapy for you. To be that dependent on a person in general is not good, to be that dependent and attached to a person you are dating two months is NOT HEALTHY
You are 18-21 and have had two miscarriages already and yet you are with a man for two months and are planning a life and babies with him?
You say your ex was abusive and refused condoms… have you had STD testing? ARE YOU ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW?
So let me get this straight…. (and I ask these questions so you can see the problems here)
1. You fell in love the day you started talking… RED FLAG TWO…. That can’t happen… while I’ll agree that after 3 months a person can know if they are actually in love with someone, after ONE DAY… NOT happening… there is infatuation, there is limerence, there is lust… but LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT… a fantasy….
2. You would die for him? Really? REALLY? I have to tell you I love my husband but I am not so sure I would take a bullet for him. I have ONE girlfriend that I would honestly die for… I would step in front of her and take the bullet for her…. So before you say you would die for him, think long and hard about that statement… that shooting in Colorado in the theater… would you have died for him there? Taken a bullet for him then.. I know my husband would take one for me… I also know at least two men died for their girlfriends... would he do that for you? Are you sure?
3. You are happy thinking about babies… are you happy thinking about bill paying, and house cleaning and laundry, and not eating out because you can’t afford it? Are you happy about NOT having ANY friends and the ONLY person you have access to is a man that gets mad easily? Are you happy about being with a man who
A. DOES NOT LET YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS. This is controlling behavior RED FLAG THREE
B. Gets annoyed with you for checking on him RED FLAG FOUR
C. Gets mad easily RED FLAG FIVE
D. After two months leaves you so uncertain that you post on a website to ask strangers what to do
E. Refuses to associate with your family or do something you want to do (go to the zoo)
F. Puts up with nothing from you but forces you to PUT UP with EVERYTHING from him (your words)
This is NOT a healthy relationship and your views of love are skewed. Have you ever done any therapy?
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A
female
reader, Jessibell +, writes (18 October 2012):
Jessibell is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason i want this to work is because we've been together for 2 months and i fell in love with him the day we started talking. Its like it was an instant connection. He deleted her # n as a friend on fb....but to me...that aint enough.... The damage is done... I love him so much though...id die for him and i promised that the day i stop loving him is the day i kill myself...which isnt happening. We are planning out our future and it makes me happy thinking about having babies....i've had 2 miscarriges....my ex....was a very abusive person and didnt like kids...didnt want any...but refused to wear condoms and i wasnt on birthcontrol yet.... But ryan wants kids....this man is everything to me...i cant lose him...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2012):
because he's got it easy
he can do what he wants but you can't.
why do you want this to work?
rules have to go both ways...
he can't have friends if you can't (and that's not healthy)
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