A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why is it so hard to find someone with Catholic values? i.e. a guy who is waiting til marriage to lose his virginity. i know many guys want to marry a virgin but if they are not virgin themselves, no deal. Are there any virgin male out there who would date a virgin female with a secured job raised in the Catholic Church? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 In order for someone to get each other a message, you have to create an account here. Anonymous profiles have no account.
I volunteer to be your go between. If I can put you both together, and things work out, then great.
I give each of you permission to send me a private email, and I will facilitate your initial exchange, so you both can keep your IDs private for obvious reasons.
-Frank
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I am Catholic too and for a long time (into my 30s) I wanted to remain a virgin until I married.
Unfortunately, life is not what you always want and life(especially in the UK) does not bring many women or men who hold the same views. And eventually I fell in love with a man who wasn't a Catholic, religious in any way and he had already slept around! So rightly or wrongly I decided to go along with his views (regarding having sex) instead of mine!
Whether the man is a virgin or not is up to him at the end of the day and God would not hold that against you. Also it should not affect you or your chances of happiness.
I only hope you will be more lucky obtaining your goal than me - and if you don't - well I believe that is how life is mapped out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you, i will do that and include any man who is virgin and believes in God. by the way, the guy who is 30 and virgin---- can you send me a message here please? lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): There are alot of guys who won't have sex until marriage who aren't of any religious upbringing. They aren't waiting because of religious values or law, but out of respect for the woman they eventually marry.
If you include non-Catholics who live within morals, faith and respect, you'll have even more options to find the right person. If someone lives under the same principles, their willingness to convert to Catholicism is very possible.
More and more, converting is frowned upon, and the churches are actually decreasing their followings rather than strengthening them, by that logic. I would look for someone who has strong faith in God period, and go from there. For example, I was raised Catholic and Lutherine, being my parents came from different denominations. I consider myself Christian, and include the main laws and doctrines. The truth is, beside the traditional differences, the Commandments are generally the same, which is all that matters when looking to find someone to love for a lifetime. If they live under the same Laws of God, they're a match.
If looking for only a Catholic with the same beliefs, you won't have near the options, and that's why it's so difficult so far to find the right guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I'm over 30, still a virgin, wanting the same, and I'm not religious.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 I went to RCIA classes and quit but that's a long story; I'm not sure if I'll ever become Catholic but I just need to sort some things out before I make the commitment. I was raised Baptist but I'm more spiritual than religious. So... I can still offer my perspective.
Would you marry someone of ANY Christian denomination or would they have to be Catholic? What if you met someone who was a Baptist, Methodist, Episcopal, Quaker who believed in abstinence until marriage? Just wondering and no offense intended.
Would he have to be raised Catholic or would you be willing to marry a convert who believed in abstinence?
EVERYONE commits sins, regardless of their religious beliefs. I'm not even sure if having sex outside of marriage is a sin... I could be wrong... it might be? I wouldn't judge anyone.
I'm still Christian, even though I don't go to church. Many people, even many Christians, have had sex outside of marriage... I'm not condeming or defending what they've done, it's just that if sex outside of marriage IS a sin it's the least bad of all sins.
I'm not sure if I'm saving sex for marriage, but I'm definitely not gonna have sex with just anyone, I'm gonna wait... and I'm nearly your age :) I'm sure there are people with similar values. But, who would you give a chance to?
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (8 August 2010):
Because virginity ( after about 17 or 18 yrs at least ) is totally unnatural - esp. for men whose bodies impel them to ejaculate sperm on a regular basis - if we don't have a gf to orgasm with we have to masturbate ( and if I'm not mistaken the CC is against that as well -we can't win ! ).It's the Catholic Church which has to explain why it is so obsessed with encouraging totally unnatural behaviour ( abstaining from sexual contact ) not normal men who need to explain why we enjoy, and in fact need, sexual contact with females.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I would reason that as the Christian Church in general, further devalues Biblical truth, it will become more difficult to find Roman Catholics and Christians with Biblical values.
Values which would include a woman finding a man waiting for marriage until having sex.
I think Frank is correct in regard to finding someone that is of the same religious worldview.
Also, yes one can be too picky. I think one should look for spiritual, intellectual and physical compatibility, in that order. These need to all be significant, but not necessarily maximal.
At times men can put too much emphasis on a woman's looks, and women on a man's social status (including ageism/Frank has some good thoughts age differences available which I recommend).
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 August 2010):
 In looking for a virgin in his 30s you really are narrowing the field quite substantially.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (8 August 2010):
Yes there are.
I know one, and he finds the same struggles you do.
The key is to include the fact that you seek someone of the same religion and values as you have, and to communicate them. You also have to remember not to be too picky when you meet someone that fits most of your criteria.
Start going to Catholic church, Catholic online dating sites, Catholic festivals, etc...and meet as many people as you can. Do not be afraid to let everyone you know find out that you are interested in meeting someone to build your life with. Be willing to be set up on blind dates and put more effort into meeting someone that would share your values.
-Frank Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): Personally I don't want to marry a virgin, I would prefer a woman that has experienced and experimented with her sexuality.
It's hard to find people with Catholic values because society is evolving past it's restrictive take on sexuality. Besides being a male virgin is kind of shunned these days, it's not seen as a positive thing at all.
I was baptized a Catholic like most people in Ireland and frankly you're the first woman I've heard of that wants the guy to be a virgin too. I know loads of girls that want to save their virginity for marriage but none of them care if the guy is a virgin, as long as he's willing to wait to have sex with her then he's the right guy. These girls find it very difficult to find guys that are willing to wait.
The best thing you can do is join some Catholic clubs, with male members that have the same views as you.
At the end of the day though, it will be very difficult for you given the fact that you've crossed all guys who have already had sex and all guys that won't wait years for sex. That pretty much crosses most of the guys in your age group off your potentials list.
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