A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Been dating this guy for a while. He's not willing to introduce me to any of his friends or family. He's been divorced for the last 4 years or so and still talks a lot about his ex and what has happened and still doing things for her. The sex is great and our relationship is wonderful. I’m just wondering that maybe he has some hidden things that he does not want me to find out about. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a word of thanks to all that have helped me make me decision. We are now just friends as his situation has only got worse with his ex.
I don’t need all the added baggage in my life all I was looking for was a man that will be mine and mine only.
As for me giving him an ultimatum, I think was the best thing that I have done, because I also have a kid and an ex that I do not worry because he is married and I would hope that he is happy. The only time I would bother him is if his kid was sick or wanted to spend extra time with him. I think that his ex is sorry that she did what she did because he has so much to offer and he started giving it to someone besides her. I could be wrong.
And for what its worth – I was getting what I was looking for from him until the ex found out from her son. The problems that he has is more than any women would except. His not over his ex and I feel very sorry for him because no women will stand by him if he keeps giving her her due.
His the one that’s going to miss out. Thanks again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Giving him an ultimatum is wrong, I'm afraid - after all, he has children with his ex, so keeping a friendly relationship going with her is the right thing to do, for everyone's sake, especially the children's. The pressie issue does seem a little strange, but nothing's ever black or white; and he has told you about it, so he strikes me as being a pretty honest guy. Which brings me to my next point (and you don't give much information, so bear in mind I'm having to make assumptions): he's made you no promises as far as I can see, you don't appear to be living together, and he seems to have no interest in making a serious commitment to you. He merely seems to be enjoying your company. In other words, this is a one-sided relationship, and if you can't accept it for what it is, there's only one thing left for you to do - move on. And do it without acrimony - if he can't love you as much as you love him, that's not his or anyone's fault; it's just one of those things.Good luck to you both, whatever happens. x
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 No I do not agree with Laura1318. I think it's very odd that your boyfriend is planning to give a gift to his ex after she gives birth to some other guy's child. That is just weird in my opinion. I think once they got divorced, the gift-giving should've stopped, other than for his own children. Otherwise that's just strange in my opinon and I think it implies that he is still in love with her. You were wise to give him an ultimatum. It's time for him to figure out where his head is at and pull into the present. The reason I asked about whether he was actually divorced is this - many men who are only "separated" from their wives, but claim to be "divorced" are reluctant to introduce their new girlfriend to people because they are not actually divorced. I thought this could be the case. Just because a man says he's divorced, doesn't always mean he is. Food for thought. Might also explain the gift-giving.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 If you separated in an amicable way , a man would buy presents for his ex..
If it was a vicious and dirty break, then he would not give a damned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have just told him that his got to make a decision it’s me or the ex. Just this morning after a wonderful night he tells me that he is going to buy her a gift after she gives birth to another mans child, because that was what he did after his kids were born. Is that normal for any man after you got kick out? I guess his still in love with her. Well I will have to wait and see tonight. did not give him a chance to answer me just told him to listen and then get back to me on what he want from me. I’m not willing to wait around for someone that will never be free from his ex. I also have a ex and I never talk about him unless I’m asked about him.
Thanks for the advise.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (27 February 2008):
Are you absolutely sure he's actually divorced?...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Have a good long chat with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that the ex should be gone by now, and to stop doing jobs for her. Do they have kids? Then maybe he feel the need, but otherwise she needs to be gone. The next time he brings her into the conversation then stop him in mid sentence and ask him to stop. You deserve some ex free time. They are a pain in the arse, and i just hate them with a passion.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (27 February 2008):
He should cut off his ex and if he is still talking and doing things for his ex, that could spell trouble for you.
You are standing on dangerous grounds.
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A
female
reader, Lucy2118  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Ask him about it, commmunication is key in any relationship. By the way he reacts you'll be able to tell whats going on, if he clams up etc. Then deal with the sitation.
Hope this helps.
X
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