A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how but Whenever I've tried dating girls before I've somehow always ballsed things up. They tend to like me, then they get to know me a bit and then suddenly I've lost all appeal. Probably because I'm myself, I don't try to be superwoman or anything or like them, and that never seems to work. Plus I suppose there's still some leftover anxeity that tends to surface when it matters. When it doesn't matter I can chat up any girl I like, but I'm sick of that, I'm bored out of my mind with random meaningless girls, girls that just want to experiment, girls that try to get me to help them cheat on their girlfriends, I'm even bored of my married bi friend with the open relationship, the only reason I''m keeping them sweet is because the husband's a hairdresser, I'm penniless, and my roots need doing. :/But then there's this one girl A, the only girl out of the countless I've met since I came here who I can actually see myself being happy with. This one girl who's not just fit or pretty, but beautiful, inside and out. I almost never see beauty in anyone. I usually just find myself physically attracted to girls with short hair or girls who have that sort of rebellious punkishness about them, but she's neither, long undyed hair, no make-up, not girly not really tomboyish either. I didn't even notice her the first time I met her, I joined the uni football team mainly just for the fact that there'd be a good chance of meeting some gay girls that were "my type", and there were, but they all had terrible personalities. I was so distracted by them I barely even noticed her randomly come up to me and try and introduce herself the first time. Then the next week I went I was talking to this other girl, B, who may be gay, (she certainly set my gaydar off a lot more) when this girl, A, came up to me again. So we did some training thingies as a three then when it came to the match at the end B was all into it and ignored us while me and A got shouted at by the sport-mad nutters for standing around chatting. By that point I'd given up on the football lesbians as there is no bigger turn off for me than people that take meaningless things too seriously, and they seemed to have this ugly hierarchy we were clearly at the bottom of, so that was it, I never went back again. Every week I thought about it, this girl being the only reason, even though I had no idea she was gay. My gaydar had never failed so badly before. So when I joined the uni lgbt group on facebook and found her I was totally thrown. I tried to add her but saw she had already somehow found me and added me first. I saw her again at a halloween party by chance, I was a bit drunk so I went over and repeatedly told her she looked like ellen page and that it was a compliment, and that despite my love of hannibal lecter I was also a lesbian, before married girl came up to us and tried to eat my face off. At some point I also did some strange terrible dance mocking netballers before I finally found out she had quit football for the exact same reason as me, and amazingly, somehow, considering all the wierdness she had just witnessed, agreed to go to the park with me and a football sometime instead. Well yesterday I finally had a free sunday where I hadn't gone home, or had any deadlines to meet and could gather enough people to make it a worthwhile kickabout. It was horrendous, I really don't know what I was thinking, She's in her second year of university and there we were stood in a circle in a park full of kids kicking a ball around until she said it was getting boring. Getting smacked in the face by some little kids ball and then getting pushed and tackled by them while my flatmates who do parkour/freerunning went climbing all over the playground really didn't help. Other than that, I think there's definately a chemistry there, she always stands ridiculously close to me, there's never awkard silences and she stroked my shoulder when the little children attacked me. The situation felt awkward and stupid but I feel totally at ease with her and it's pretty rare I find someone with such a similar sense of humour. We swapped numbers and she said we should do it again sometime, except with more people including girl B from football who's a third year. Even though we're the same age, I feel like being a fresher might make her see me as immature, and going to the park with my parkour flatmates probably didn't help that stereotype. But I really don't know what to do now, I want to ask her out just us, but I don't know, I feel like I need some excuse otherwise it's too forward. It's also awkward because I'm unlikely to see her in town or at university so I can't really just see her randomly. does it sound like she likes me? why has she not ran off screaming yet? what should I do now? how do I go about this without messing it up? or do you think I already have?
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drunk, facebook, flatmate, immature, lesbian, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I suggest you be grateful to answers you got. It was, as I said, a whole lot of text for a very simple question. If you live that far away, leave it.As for you being female, I apologise, normally men post this sort of thing. My point still stands, confident people like confident people.As for you living 200 miles away, that is your home then isn't it?Perhaps if you want more answers to your qestions you should use less text, try to make what you write make sense, and make it easy to understand. Maybe then you would get more anwsers. Don't forget we answer these questions to try and help people, we are under no obligation to provide a million answers for each question, and we are under no obligation to work hard to answer the questions. I put effort into every reply I do, and yep, I sometimes get things wrong, but your ungrateful attitude irks me.Maybe you should try talking to people you know next time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, yes it's a lot to read so not knowing that she already gave me her number is fine, but seriously, confident women like confident men????? did you even look at the bit where it says FEMALE 18-21?!?!? you just skimmed the first paragraph didn't you? :P and closer to home? Thats kind of impossible as I don't live at home anymore I live 200 miles away. Sorry If I sound rude, it's just I'm a bit drunk now and this is the only answer I get?!
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (29 November 2011):
That was a whole lot of text for a question we can't answer....People act in strange ways, but if every other girl has run off screaming, I would perhaps look closer to home. My suggestion? If you think she is in to you, get her number, then send her a text asking her if she would like to go out on a date with you. That will give you the answer you need without having to try and bump into her. Also, get some self confidence. You are obviously attracted to confident women.... and confident women like confident men.As a wise lady once said to me, nobody will ever love you enough until you learn to love yourself.chill out, take things slow, stop panicking, if she is the right one for you she will not be scared away by you being yourself.
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