A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:help me please, im screwing the best thing i have ever had in the world up and yet i cant stop myself.i have been with my current girlfriend for about 4 months now and i am so deeply in love with her, she makes me feel wanted needed and loved in ways i never knew exhisted, we have everything in common and when she looks into my eyes i dont even have to question because i can see her love for me, the problem is that all of the last 3 exes i had cheated on me, this made me form an inferriority complex. i am pretty old fashioned even though im 29 i like looking after my partners, buying them presents, taking them for meals and generally treating them well as i believe they should be, however even though i do these things my last 3 partners all cheated on me which made me start questioning my sexual performance and wondering if that was what was letting me down. when i first started dating my current g/f once our relationship became sexual we couldnt keep our hands off each other and were pretty much at it every opportunity we had,(by the way my g/f is 27 and had 4 sexual relationships prior to me) lately though and without slowing down or easing off we have only made love twice in a month and im starting to wonder if the same thing is happening all over again. i know that is not a reason in itself but all my g/f ever seems to want from me lately is a cuddle and just laying together, if she feels me getting aroused, our kissing starts getting heavy or if i stroke her sensitive spots such as her back or neck or any other part that i have found that arouses her she quickly stops me and either moves away or changes the mood of the situation, i dont want to seem pushy or come across as if im only interested in sex so i go along with things but im starting to get worried. She is even starting to use the "can we just cuddle ive got a headache or i feel ill" which seems to be 4 or 5 times a week now. i love my g/f very much she has changed my life for the better and i am so grateful to have her in my life. I have even considered that she might be testing me to make sure that i am not only interested in one thing from her. i am willing to do whatever is needed to prove myself to her, but i am starting to question myself again,i dont want to question her about it 'cos' i dont want her to think its a big deal to me. but how do i know she still wants me and hasnt just gone off me or is getting her fullfillment elsewhere(i dont believe she is cheating but my mind is starting to play nasty games on me because of the past as this is how things started to go with my previous partners when they started cheating)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): we all have such pauses in relations to check our feelings from time to time... but I still think you two need to talk about it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): First off, a 4 month relationship is still in the early stages, the first part of the relationship is all about infatuation and lust. I seriously doubt that you are deeply in love with her at this point, you may be projecting on to her what and who you want her to be and not who she really is.
If you are telling her how deeply you love her, she may instinctively sense that you just don't know her that well and she may be trying to slow things down.
It is not your sexual performance that makes a woman cheat. Some women are cheaters, period, they like male attention, they like using sex to control men, they get off on it.
You may just really not have a clear picture of who she is.
If I were you I would ask her if there is anything wrong, anything troubling her that she hasn't felt safe enough to tell you about.
And I would get out of the house with her. Do some fun things that get your adrenaline flowing, have some fun with her. Gifts are nice, but so is doing something outside of the bedroom once in awhile.
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