A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im having a very hard time trying to earn respect or recieve respect from my husband. We are young and we have been married for three years, and i love him,and respect him...but he never shows me respect!If we get into an argument he will yell at me to shut up and call me names, and make lots of other smart remarks underhis breath and so i can hear. I feel like I am his slave, I set his alarm for work, i wake him up for work, i have the coffe pre-set, i make and pack his lunch for work, i make him coffe after work and I always have to pour it for him! all of this stuff i do regularly and rarely get any aknowlegement. I dont just do it for aknowledgement. i do it because that is the mom in me, but he just takes me for granted and it gets old!!!The only time i can remember when he is always nice..is of course in bed, because he wants something. I try to tell him how i feel and that i want him to show mw respect...well that just creates more smart remarks and then he is mad the rest of the day...he always replies with a nasty "whatever" and then downhill from there. how can i get him to see how i feel is important. he always says "theres nothing wrong with our relationship" well i think there is and i have even told him that if he keeps treating me with disrespect, then i might not be around one day...then he tells me "theres the door" I hate that! why dont my feelings matter to him! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 October 2008):
 I stayed home when our kids were little, I cooked, cleaned, took care of the bill paying, got up in the middle of the night with a sick kid, even did most of the lawn work. He taught school and did some school extra curricular activities (coached track, took tickets at games, etc)to bring in extra money, took care of the cars,and did the small repairs around the house. Now when I would hand him a cup of coffee he would sometimes but not always say thanks but I know I didn't say thanks to him every day when he came home from work, probably should have now that I think of it. Neither one of us thought of the other as a slave it simply was a division of duties. There is a tendency to take each other for granted but under it all there must be love. You say you love your husband but you resent the fact that you don't get respect for the countless little things you do for him each day. But aren't those your jobs since he goes off to work each day? I mean should he have to make the coffee and pack his lunch while you lay around on the couch? How do you act when you talk to him about this, are you angry and point your finger while stomping your foot or are you calm and non accusatory? You both work hard so try to keep things on an even keel.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNO I do not "work" I stay at home and take care of our two young children...here in the midwest of usa daycare is very expensive and you cant trust anyone with your child, so i take care of house and kids...and there is not much time for "sitting" there is preschool, cooking, cleaning, etc. we did agree on this. Doing the motherly stuff is the only way i get him to notice me even slightly...if i stop, he will resent me for sure. and not to mention if i dont do that stuff...what would he see i do for him??? i take care of kids and houselhold chores...but thats not "wife" either...how can i be a good WIFE?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNO I do not "work" I stay at home and take care of our two young children...here in the midwest of usa daycare is very expensive and you cant trust anyone with your child, so i take care of house and kids...and there is not much time for "sitting" there is preschool, cooking, cleaning, etc. we did agree on this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): Stop "playing" mom to him. You are his wife. Stop doing all those things that he is taking for granted. let him make his own coffee and pack his own lunch. You are not his servant. You are his wife.
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