A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over 31 years. When the childrengot older in high school my husband cut loving way down.really way down. 4 times a year- then we went to nothing.we do not kiss at all-peck once awhile. no embracing. noloving for over 2 decades now. we go places to togetherall weekend. we go out to eat, to movies, play,musical,dance lessons, play cards when we go out together. hesleeps here every night. he is very nice to me and bringsme flowers and we share chocolates too. he is also protective of me. we go out with my mom during the weekend too, and do other things together. and we cuddleevery night for 3 minutes- after that. he says- goodnight or i do. he has had no desire for me for many yearsnow. none. never a kiss unexpected, or even a hug. if icry then he hugs me. he has never really wanted me at allas a woman. sometimes i get lonely but before i met him,i had a passionate life, so i remember it sometimes.i love him with all my heart! he is just different.:-).so why am i writing to you? don't know. i guess i pictured a different relationship then this. the end.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2013):
 2 decades without any "romance" has got to be considered "extreme."
The only question I see in your submittal is: Has anything changed - for and in YOU - such that this diminishing romance/sensuality is now affecting you differently than it did the past 19-or-so years????
I'm guessing that you have evolved such that you MISS some warmth and LOVE from your partner... And, you "put up" without it for a surprisingly long time in the hopes that it was not really "lost"... but was just MISSING.... (would re-emerge SOME DAY)... and now, you are certain that it hasn't and won't (re-emerge).
My point of view comes from a like experience.. wherein I endured 4 years of now intimacy/no love from an otherwise- delightful partner. She was pretty, smart, energetic and creative. Except for the lack of love/intimacy/sensuality things were fine... BUT, after those 4 years, I decided that what was missing was sufficiently important that I didn't want to continue living without them.... and, we sat down... I told her so.... and we agreed to go our separate ways. It was a very smart decision for me....
Maybe you are going to have to face that same decision... Don't be scared... be confident that you are "correct" to want what YOU want in life... and WILL NOT compromise by going on, indefinitely, without it....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (20 June 2013):
 Have you ever spoken to him about this before? If you have, what was his response? Have you considered going to counseling?
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