A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been good friends with this guy for 2 years. We were both in other relationships so we were just friends -he was friends with my ex which is how we met.after my ex and i broke up we admitted our feelings for each other - but it was too close to home for me so i asked 4 time apart and wedidnt talk for 4 mnths. Then we got in touch and started dating. Weve been dating for 3+ mnths and everything is going amazing! Until my ex found out 3 weeks ago. He got pissed at his friend for dating me told him he couldnt be friends with me and said hed lose his friends if he continued. my new guy continued to date me anyway he told me he didnt want to stop but he was obvi torn by what to do after all wed only been 2gether a few mnths and hes been friends with my ex for 10yrs. last week he just disappeared. He finally left me a msg this wk asking how things r and sayin hed luv 2 talk 2 me. I tried returning his call but he wasnt there and hasnt called back. ? I assume hes decided vs dating me but y not call back?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Yes, you are left in the dark with no answers. I know how you are feeling. I was in a similar situation where the guy I liked wanted to continue to date me but there were circumstances where he felt he couldn't. He too disappeared for days and then sent a text message which was a "hi, how's it going type". He continued these text messages for 4 weeks while he decided what to do. I tried to call him but he did not answer and did not call me back. He replied with text messages that were meant to "stall" his decision. Eventually he sent a text that was basically to ask for time. It's now been 3 months.
And I am asking the same thing as you. Why couldn't the guy just call you and talk to you. The answer is that he is torn. He is confused. If he talks to you, he may feel that he can't completely commit and that he will hurt you down the road to save his friendship. He can't call you up and say goodbye because that would hurt him. Just as you are in limbo, so is he. If he lets this ride (as he seems to be doing) you will eventually decide the fate of the relationship. You will decide that you can not continue with the unknown and you will move on. The problem is that if he truly wanted to be with you, he would be.
In your case, I hope he decides soon and that he respects you enough to tell you to your face. Going along not knowing is the worst position he could have put you in. Bad news is better than no news. I hope you get good news though.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): basically, when he found out my ex knew he got really stressed, but decided to meet him in person and talk to him about it. He and I talked a lot and both figured my ex would be happy for us that we are happy - after all isn't that what friends do? we were shocked to learn my ex was as angry and hurt as he was...and my new guy was really torn cause he certainly didn't set out to hrut friends or lose them. He got a little cool with me after their initial talk...then, I asked him to come over so we could talk - well actually just so I could talk and basically I was upfront/honest/open with him. All I said was that I understood he's in a difficult position right now and that this isn't an ideal situation for anyone, but I really do care about him and I do want him in my life. short, to the point, non-pressuring, etc. I just wanted him to know that I didn't take any of this lightly - the situation or my feelings for him. His response to that convo was great, well he just said he wanted to date me, but he didn't know what to do yet. But, he continued talking to me every day after and we basically went back to where we were before the ex knew.
Then he dissappeared without warning, only to turn up 5 days later with the message that he'd really love to talk to me. And I did return that call, left him a message, as he didn't pick up. And...nothing. I called him again the next day (so he knows I'm not playing any games), but nothing. So taht's been it. The ball is DEF. in his court now...it's been 3 or 4 days since his call, which is a lot for us regardless.
I sorta take it as he's made his decision - which is to NOT date me anymore...BUT, I don't understand why he wouldn't just call me and say that then? I mean, he has the easiest out right now, cause I've told him I'd respect his decision so I have no choice but to accept it. It's not like I don't get what's going on and how difficult of a situation it is.
So then I wonder if he really just doesn't know what he wants so he's avoiding it at all costs?
Either way - balls def. in his court, I'm stuck in a crappy situation that I have no control over, and worst part of all is that he won't even fill me so I'm just left in the dark guessing...
I think it's so disrespectful!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): basically, when he found out my ex knew he got really stressed, but decided to meet him in person and talk to him about it. He and I talked a lot and both figured my ex would be happy for us that we are happy - after all isn't that what friends do? we were shocked to learn my ex was as angry and hurt as he was...and my new guy was really torn cause he certainly didn't set out to hrut friends or lose them. He got a little cool with me after their initial talk...then, I asked him to come over so we could talk - well actually just so I could talk and basically I was upfront/honest/open with him. All I said was that I understood he's in a difficult position right now and that this isn't an ideal situation for anyone, but I really do care about him and I do want him in my life. short, to the point, non-pressuring, etc. I just wanted him to know that I didn't take any of this lightly - the situation or my feelings for him. His response to that convo was great, well he just said he wanted to date me, but he didn't know what to do yet. But, he continued talking to me every day after and we basically went back to where we were before the ex knew.
Then he dissappeared without warning, only to turn up 5 days later with the message that he'd really love to talk to me. And I did return that call, left him a message, as he didn't pick up. And...nothing. I called him again the next day (so he knows I'm not playing any games), but nothing. So taht's been it. The ball is DEF. in his court now...it's been 3 or 4 days since his call, which is a lot for us regardless.
I sorta take it as he's made his decision - which is to NOT date me anymore...BUT, I don't understand why he wouldn't just call me and say that then? I mean, he has the easiest out right now, cause I've told him I'd respect his decision so I have no choice but to accept it. It's not like I don't get what's going on and how difficult of a situation it is.
So then I wonder if he really just doesn't know what he wants so he's avoiding it at all costs?
Either way - balls def. in his court, I'm stuck in a crappy situation that I have no control over, and worst part of all is that he won't even fill me so I'm just left in the dark guessing...
I think it's so disrespectful!
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 May 2008):
I think this guy doesn't yet know what he's going to do. The text message he sent last week was to test the waters to see where you're at. I am sure he was missing you as well. No one can say where he is at today but you did call him back-Did you leave a message? The ball is in his court. It could well be that he is still unsure of what decision he will make. He does owe you an explanation but it may be very difficult for him to talk to you about this, especially if he has decided not to continue dating you.
Good luck, this is a tough one for both of you.
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